**BREAKING NEWS**
My lovely (and it turns out world-class international specialist) surgeon rang this morning to tell my results. Essentially they are good. But with a bitter sting in its tail.
The GOOD news is - they found only Ductal Carcinoma in Situ, which is called "early breast cancer" but is technically NON-CANCEROUS. This is the thing I was most hoping to hear. It is the best possible news. It should be the cause for much rejoicing.
BUT...it seems I have to pay the ferryman. He charges a high price.
The BAD news is - the DCIS was found in a large area, they did not get clear margins, and it is high grade (ie fast growing). This means that they are recommending a total mastectomy of that breast.
This is the thing I most feared to hear.
Out of all the possible results that I imagined in the last 48 hours, it did not occur to me that I may get the best possible news all wrapped up with the thing I feared the most. It feels like I'm on some sort of mythical journey.
Anyway, in the short term, it means that I do not have to face another round of surgery before chemo (for the lymphoma) starts in a couple of weeks. Which is a huge relief. It also means that I probably won't have to have radiotherapy at all. Instead, waiting for me like some sort of grotesque prize for completing chemo will be the mastectomy. I'm hoping (probably stupidly) that they can do the reconstruction at the same time, but I suspect that is unrealistic.
Mostly I just feel bummed cos I was so g*ddammed pleased with how good my newly-partially-mastectomied breast looks. Seems like a bit of a waste of good handiwork.
Anyway, when all is said and done, a breast is a small price to pay for a long and healthy life.
oh md.. its so good that its non cancerous. awful to hear about having to have a full mastectomy but they do amazing reconstructions these days. i will be sending you lots of positive energy for you future surgery and chemo.. your story is inspirational. you are an amazing woman to share this with all of us as you go through this journey. thank you.
Last edited by Lulliloo; May 4th, 2009 at 02:19 PM.
: spelling
that is just really intense news! I am doing flips and dances for you that the blimey thing was non-cancerous! but darn it, what a stick that it means another op. in all honesty i just can't say much on the mastectomy, i have zero idea of what it must be like to face that. i guess, like you said, when it is the key to leading the healthy and long-lived life it is sooo worth it. have they given you info on what to expect with a full mastectomy in the post-op period?
Md - I'm feeling for you here my dear friend. My mum has been through what you're about to face, and it's tough while you're going through it - but you're right it's a small price to pay for life - and your beautiful children and your wonderful husband will be so happy knowing that you'll be with them for many many more years. ( and us too )
Thanks for updating us here MD. I am so glad you got the best case senario result, however I am sad that you have to go through having a mastectomy on top of all the other treatment etc. I have every confidence that'll you'll not only cope but you'll conquer all with flying colours. My prayers are with my lovely
MD, I can't imagine what is swirling in your head atm with a good and bad bomb dropped on you.
Although I am not in the situation so I can't be sure, I would say that a breast for a long healthy life would be a good compromise. I really hope they can do the reconstruction at the same time or shortly after.
As for the lab results, YAY!!! This is the news I have been waiting to hear. I am so happy for you!
Thanks everyone. It has been a hard one to swallow.
I'm actually feeling pretty devastated. I think I've cried harder today than I have any other day since this thread started. It is a total mind **** to hear in the one breath "it is not cancerous" and in the next "we will need to do a mastectomy". It's just about as loopy as having chemo for lymphoma of which there is actually no current medical proof in my body (apart from the bit they removed).
I suspect I have a bit of anger to get through about the delay in my diagnosis before I can be completely at peace with the path that lies ahead of me. But as Maya Angelou said "Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean." So it will be a good thing for me to process.
Hun - The fact that is not cancer is great but precancer is not. A mastectomy at this stage is more about prevention than cure because of the size of the precancer. This has been caught very early hun, and although it is an absolute ***** it is not likely to be a life sentence, which is a great thing. Treating it agressively before it becomes agressive means you will be in total remission before you know it, and we all want you in remission fast!
Have you considered looking at chicken fillets for the period between mastectomy and reconstruction? I dont think they will do reconstruction immediately, incase they need to go in again for more treatment, but because you will be in remission pretty darn quick it won't be too long.
MD - I don't have anything wise to say - but just wanted to say that its ok to feel angry and to let as much of that anger out as possible. Even if you just want to ring a total stranger (ie me) and yell down the phone to release it - I can let you do that
We're all here holding your hand along this journey, and I hope you feel our warmth, love and support and feel a little less alone.
MD so glad it is NOT cancer, what a fab result and totally the best news you could get.
The other news - well not so good and you should let out ALL your anger/upset as much as you need to. it is part of your healing.
thinking of you. xxx
Aaaw, Leanne, thanks honey, I know the spirit that you said it in but I've got to set you straight. The new boob will NOT be better. It will be a lump of flesh with no nipple and not a lot of sensation, designed to make my chest look 'normal' (ish) under clothing but nothing else. It will probably have several visible scars running across it, and may or may not change size appropriately if I lose or gain weight at all over the next how-many-decades-of-my-life. There are pictures here and here, if anyone reading is interested. The nipples you see have been tattood on.
Also, while I'm am on a setting-people-straight rampage (sorry!) - Ali, I can feel the love in your post, but I cringe every time I read the word 'remission'. I'm going for a CURE. This is the difference:
Remission: "When there is no evidence of disease in the body" (technically, I'm there now, even tho it could be lurking, brewing and growing right at this minute)!
Cure: "This means there is no evidence of disease and no sign of the disease reappearing, even many years later."
You are quite right, I won't know I have the cure until after the fact, and remission is the first step towards getting there, but a CURE is what I'm creating in my body. xxx
ETA - I'm sorry if i sound ungracious. I really do appreciate every word everyone has written and the love and support and energy that comes with it. xxx
Why is there no emoticon of a determined face with big muscular arms??
:strength: here for you MD
We are so proud of your amazing spirit!
Breast reconstruction must be so confronting for you, the process and results do seem no where near good enough! I hope you can find the procedure that will work best for you and as the scars fade I hope that the result although far from perfect, will indeed be a better trade off for your cure
I've been checking out the breast health website (aus site) and they reckon reconstruction can be done as part of the mastectomy op... i guess this will have to with what your surgeon and head honcho recommend though...
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This is the thing I was most hoping to hear. It is the best possible news. It should be the cause for much rejoicing.
)
and 
and :strength: still flowing!
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