I was always a shy child, a shy teen and a shy adult. Only when I got a job in a grocery at 19 did I have to learn to talk to people and came out of my shy self a bit and learned how to talk to people (think that job was really my saving grace in hindsite).
In my teens I was bullied alot, really picked on about being fat (which I wasn't) and ugly, (which I am not) and spent many a day crying on the school bus (all which I hid from my mum and dad) which I think really set me back.
Anyway, I am still shy in unfamiliar situations, and struggle to know what to say to people sometimes, but my main issue is anxiety (I think haha).
I hate change, when I changed from the afore mentioned job, after 10 years, to the job of my dreams, I had a minor breakdown (in my eyes anyway, maybe major in my families eyes), I got chucked in the deepend in new job and spent the first 3 or 4 months bawling my eyes out at home every day and in my lunch break. I could hardly eat, lost piles of weight and generally felt sick every morning before work. Nearly quit at one point. Stuck it out and have been there 5years and all is now good!
Once when I was about 21 I had a sudden illness and was put in hospital for a week or so - I was about to start a childcare diploma and came home and had a melt down that I couldn't cope with that. Other times when I've been away on holidays I've had meltdowns when I came home too - feeling sad, lonely, anxious, weird.
I often think people don't like me, then find out they are unfounded thoughts. I often think people are talking about me (especially at work) when they aren't. I have a few friends, but never seem to get really close to people.
If I have to go to a party or something on my own, I am a wreck, heart thumps, feel sick, feel like everyone is looking at me cause I am on my own and just want to go home where I feel safe and happy.
Even now, while I am on holidays, due to go back next week, I am feeling antsy - hard to really pinpoint, but sort of nervous and anxious, but not really sure about what.....I have acheived a lot in my life, I am the director of a childcare centre, I've passed all the courses, I am a good boss, I am a confident person most of the time....
Anyway this has been a long ramble, but I hope someone can point me in the right direction.....this is the first time I've openly ever put this out there to anyone, ever, so be gentle!
Last edited by Floweryfields; January 7th, 2011 at 07:50 PM.
Ausgirl, I'm an old fart of 41 and I'm yet to work out if I'm just shy and I should just accept it as being my personality or if I have an anxiety issue which I should do something about ie. counselling.
I know that if I get really anxious, it leads to depression for me and I have had a couple of episodes that have been really bad (suicidal) but I think I've learnt now what are my triggers so feel that I won't go down that road again.
Look, I guess, it doesn't really matter what 'label' you put on something, it's just whether it causes you a problem or whether you can accept it.
My shyness/anxiety has held me back hugely in my career (I have a good, well-paid job but I have the brains but not the confidence to get much higher in my field) and to a lesser extent, in other aspects of my life. It's a real conundrum to me whether I accept it and work around it or whether I make a massive effort and do something about it and reach my potential.
To me, it sounds like some of what you're experiencing is what many of us experience and some of it isn't so if you've never seen a counsellor before, it wouldn't hurt and it may help.
Don't worry about being confused - we're human beings, not robots and these things aren't simple by any means.
Well done you for asking the question, I know how hard it can be to even admit to a problem.
I think with or without a diagnosis it might be a good thing for you to speak to someone (you can get a mental health care plan from your doc so it doesn't have to cost you anything) and you may be able to learn enough to get you through the anxious times. We all get them, but they don't have to be debilitating.
Also, websites like beyond blue or mood gym may be useful for information or exercises.
Good luck girl, we all have difficult times, it's just a matter of knowing when to look for help x
Hey Ausgirl just wanted to second what Fionas said. Labels are simply ways of quickly communicating about a group of symptoms, usually amongst health care professionals but sometimes people find it helpful to label themselves too. Labels can help people to not feel they are alone, other people go through what I am going through etc. But they can also limit people if they become part of identity itms. What you're describing sounds a bit like Social Anxiety Disorder. Perhaps google it to find a list of the features if you're interested. The most important thing is whether you want to make changes and then identify the specific things you want to change. Change is usually hard and you have to be ready but if you're motivated you'll achieve your goals.
If you are after a label, then you need to see a psychiatrist for an assessment and possible diagnosis.
If you are looking to explore your issues with a view to working out what you'd like to change and what you can live with/accept then I'd recommend you see a psychologist. You can access them under Medicare now through a GP. I think you can get up to 12 sessions in a year. If you do have some type of social anxiety or even just a few features, psychologists are very good at treating these types of problems. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy approaches and strategies usually get very good results if the person is motivated and practices the strategies outside of the sessions. It will help you look at the thoughts and core beliefs behind your anxious feelings and you can work out ways to change these to more helpful thinking. It will be hard work but it will be worth it if you can feel less anxious.
btw, I think you're very brave to put this out there. It's not easy to admit to struggling, especially when you've been so outwardly successful. I bet a lot of people who know you would be really surprised if they could read your post.
ETA - just found a pretty good looking webite, helpguide org which has some good information on social anxiety and social phobia and how to tell if you have a clinically significant problem or not.
Tell me about anxiety or other disorders....
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