Ausgirl, I'm an old fart of 41 and I'm yet to work out if I'm just shy and I should just accept it as being my personality or if I have an anxiety issue which I should do something about ie. counselling.
I know that if I get really anxious, it leads to depression for me and I have had a couple of episodes that have been really bad (suicidal) but I think I've learnt now what are my triggers so feel that I won't go down that road again.
Look, I guess, it doesn't really matter what 'label' you put on something, it's just whether it causes you a problem or whether you can accept it.
My shyness/anxiety has held me back hugely in my career (I have a good, well-paid job but I have the brains but not the confidence to get much higher in my field) and to a lesser extent, in other aspects of my life. It's a real conundrum to me whether I accept it and work around it or whether I make a massive effort and do something about it and reach my potential.
To me, it sounds like some of what you're experiencing is what many of us experience and some of it isn't so if you've never seen a counsellor before, it wouldn't hurt and it may help.
Don't worry about being confused - we're human beings, not robots and these things aren't simple by any means.
Hey Ausgirl just wanted to second what Fionas said. Labels are simply ways of quickly communicating about a group of symptoms, usually amongst health care professionals but sometimes people find it helpful to label themselves too. Labels can help people to not feel they are alone, other people go through what I am going through etc. But they can also limit people if they become part of identity itms. What you're describing sounds a bit like Social Anxiety Disorder. Perhaps google it to find a list of the features if you're interested. The most important thing is whether you want to make changes and then identify the specific things you want to change. Change is usually hard and you have to be ready but if you're motivated you'll achieve your goals.
If you are after a label, then you need to see a psychiatrist for an assessment and possible diagnosis.
If you are looking to explore your issues with a view to working out what you'd like to change and what you can live with/accept then I'd recommend you see a psychologist. You can access them under Medicare now through a GP. I think you can get up to 12 sessions in a year. If you do have some type of social anxiety or even just a few features, psychologists are very good at treating these types of problems. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy approaches and strategies usually get very good results if the person is motivated and practices the strategies outside of the sessions. It will help you look at the thoughts and core beliefs behind your anxious feelings and you can work out ways to change these to more helpful thinking. It will be hard work but it will be worth it if you can feel less anxious.
btw, I think you're very brave to put this out there. It's not easy to admit to struggling, especially when you've been so outwardly successful. I bet a lot of people who know you would be really surprised if they could read your post.
ETA - just found a pretty good looking webite, helpguide org which has some good information on social anxiety and social phobia and how to tell if you have a clinically significant problem or not.
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