Being told off for cosleeping

[onthefly]

What an AWFUL thing to tell someone that they're going to kill their child!!!
There are a lot of negative misconceptions about co-sleeping unfortunately, but with the right precautions I'm sure it's safe and definitely the right choice for you if you & your baby are happy that way. Instead of attacking mothers for their choices, helplines/authorities/media should be presenting unbiased information and advice on safe co-sleeping practices.
Sounds like you've been extremely careful and diligent in ensuring you are doing the best by your baby, so hope this hasn't knocked your confidence too much!

[MrsC_Aussie]

whoops! sorry, thanks for pointing that out! very important word 'not' hey! sorry OP!

[BrightSparkles]

[QUOTE=Roryrory;1654634]Mummiloo I am not a co-sleeper but know that the woman on the helpline was WRONG! I was at a private hospital with my first son (so you would think the nurses there would be ultra careful and scared of getting sued!) and the midwives TOLD me to sleep with my son in bed with me when he wouldn't settle. QUOTE]

I was in a public hospital when I had DD and I was told the same thing!

If it's right you for and bub then go for it! xx

[mumiloo]

Thank you so much for your support guys! You made me feel so much better!

Nelle that was a great idea- I did write a letter to them and I put links to safe co-sleeping pamphlets produced by the QLD and NZ health departments as well as a reference to a journal article!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

My own mother told me that co-sleeping would kill DS, in so many words. Also that demand feeding would kill me. I consigned both pieces of advice to the bin, where they belong.

Pre-DS, I had no idea about co-sleeping, even whether it was safe or not. Now I know better - but if I hadn't educated myself, I wouldn't. Some people don't educate themselves - not out of a love of ignorance, but because it doesn't seem important to their lives at the moment.

[beckoes]

Like everyone else said, your doing a great job, there will always be some one who tells you your doing it all wrong, but aslong as your happy, your partner is happy and your baby is happy, who cares what anyone else thinks or says!!

[Just Me]

It is so irritating how conflicting the information out there really is . . .

When I had my booking in appointment at the hospital for DS, they made me sign a document that said that I had been informed that the World Health Organisation recommends co-sleeping as a way to promote and support breastfeeding. I asked the mw about the dangers and she said as long as I followed the guidelines it was very safe. My GP, who I saw after DS was born, went out of his way to tell me that co-sleeping is so incredibly dangerous. I told him what the hospital said and he was shocked that they would be encouraging it. The info is just so conflicting and both opinions are very strong. Incidently, the form I had to sign is now printed and apart of my pregnancy handbook so GPs see the info as well.

I don't co-sleep with my babies, but that is not because I believe it is unsafe - I just can't sleep with them in the bed. I tried a few times and it just doesn't work for our family. I would love to have been able to do it comfortably but my DH and I were so tired after 3 nights of trying, we gave up.

So many people out there - strangers, friends and relatives alike - push their own agenda when it comes to care for a baby - it is tough but I think over time you get better at ignoring advice that you didn't ask for. I think often they don't even understand why they think their advice is valid beyond it just being the way they think things should be done. If you are happy with the things that you are doing and feel comfortable with the way you are raising your baby, then don't feel that you have to justify what you do to anyone else. You are the parent and you are making the best choice possible for your own baby.

[Inertia]

All 5 of my babies were co-slept. This one will too. Its mighty hard here really as I need to have a cot/bassinette here - even if it isnt being used because DoCS have been known to take babys that parents are co-sleeping with. The ward nurses were all anti co-sleep nazis too. I just don't get it. Its a world wide accepted practice - except here in NSW where its reason to steal your babies!

One of the most magnificent things about it is - its like having the 'breast crawl' every night. I usually wake up when I feel baby stirring, but they find the milk themselves. So they sleep better, we sleep better, and the bond between Dad and Bub is also strengthened. Its not just the smell of mum that settles them, but the smell of dad too.

Sad we have to hide in shadows and avoid mentioning it. Guess I should go find some info sheets on it - maybe I might need it one day and it will be good to have around.

[Just Me]

I have found the WHO recommendations for bf that support co-sleeping here: http://whqlibdoc.who.int/publication...591544_eng.pdf (on pg 65 of the literature). It also sites the study that was undertaken to establish that recommendation in case anyone is interested.

I have also included the guidelines for SIDS here: http://www.sidsandkids.org/documents...nStatement.pdf

While SIDS does state that 'Sharing a sleep surface with a baby increases the risk of SIDS and fatal sleep accidents in some circumstances' it also goes on to outline the guidelines for safe co-sleeping practices in case anyone was interested. Everyone in here already seems to know what those practices are, but I thought I would link it in for anyone who is unsure.

Inertia - It is ridiculous that DOCs can take your kids away for co-sleeping. Don't they have enough to do already without taking perfectly safe babies away from their parents? Argh! That makes me mad! I was a behaviour managment teacher and worked with kids who were starved most of the time and DOCs didn't seem to be able to anything to help those kids, but they are wasting precious time and resources removing co-sleeping babies from their parents . . .

[jackrose]

Inertia, it makes me so angry to think that any mother should feel that they have to hide in the shadows when doing what they instinctively feel is right for their children and their instincts are backed up with research, understanding and proof!!!

Mumiloo, I am glad you found renewed sense of faith in your parenting decisions after posting here and I hope that you have seen the benefits of this since you originally posted.

It is such a pity that so many people will give advice and have such strong opinions without researching what they are talking about or without having any understanding that there can be two sides to every story. On the other hand, I have found it to be quite heartening here that a few people who do not co-sleep or do not necessarily believe in co-sleeping have posted their support for you Mumiloo and for your decision as parents. This is exactly what I love about BB and what I think we need a whole lot more of as parents, tolerance for others opinions and parenting approaches.

Inertia, with regard to info leaflets, perhaps you might be interested in some research from Mckenna who has done a great deal of research into co-sleeping. He has written a number of papers, and I found them to be really informative. I googled "McKenna sleep alone SIDS" and came up with a good article Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS,bedsharing and breast feeding, here is the abstract:

Summary There has been much controversy over whether infants should co-sleep or bedshare with an adult caregiver and over whether such practises increase the risk of SIDS or fatal accident. However, despite opposition from medical authorities or the police, many western parents are increasingly adopting night-time infant caregiving patterns that include some co-sleeping, especially by those mothers who choose to breast feed. This review will show that the relationships between infant sleep patterns, infant sleeping arrangements and development both in the short and long term, whether having positive or negative outcomes, is anything but simple and the traditional habit of labelling one sleeping arrangement as being superior to another without an awareness of family, social and ethnic context is not only wrong but possibly harmful. We will show that there are many good reasons to insist that the definitions of different types of co-sleeping and bedsharing be recognised and distinguished. We will examine the conceptual issues related to the biological functions of mother?infant co-sleeping, bedsharing and what relationship each has to SIDS. At very least, we hope that the studies and data described in this paper, which show that co-sleeping at least in the form of roomsharing especially with an actively breast feeding mother saves lives, is a powerful reason why the simplistic, scientifically inaccurate and misleading statement ?never sleep with your baby? needs to be rescinded, wherever and whenever it is published.

It is also worth nothing that statistics are often thrown around regarding the number of babies who die when co-sleeping. These numbers rarely take into consideration the conditions under which the co-sleeping is taking place ie risk factors such as whether the parents are under the influence of drugs etc as you have been careful to avoid mumiloo. The numbers are also very rarely compared to the numbers of babies who die when sleeping alone in cots. If these numbers were compared side by side it would help to paint a much clearer picture about the 'dangers' of co-sleeping.

[Smoke Jaguar]

So many 'should be dead' babies right here on BB He he!!