Need help in dealing with loss
Reply With QuoteCan you be friends and be at peace with how they parent and not seek to change them or allow them to try to change you? If so then i think you SHOULD continue to be friends. Company is company afterall and no matter the road we walk, the landscape for all parents of littlies is familiar isn't it? You may not agree with one another all the time, but who does?!
I have friends who are very AP - far more so than me. And i have friends who are in no way AParents. It's more about being open to others ideals than anything else. I am positive some of the more AP friends i had are now not seeing me because of some of the decisions i've made. That's their choice, if they find it so painful to be around me it's not worth it after all. And i admit sometimes it's a strain for me to be around other less AP than me parents as i sometimes feel sorry for their kids, but i keep my opinions to myself unless advice is sought and if it's getting too much i skip seeing them for a bit until i feel more able to be relaxed around them again.
I think i have changed as a parent in the last 15 months. When DD was new i would NEVER have let her cry in her cot, even for a minute. But now she is 17months nearly and i know she has a far better awareness of what's happening around her. Simple concepts can be explained. And so last week, when she had an attack of sleep-time separation anxiety for a few days, i DID leave her to cry for a moment or 2. She wanted me to sit with her because she was scared if i went away i'd never come back. So i went away for a short time and then i DID come back, proving to her that it was ok, i was still here, and not being able to see me doesn't mean i've left the house forever. It took 2 naps and 2 night-times to "get" this (with me going in every 60-120 seconds until she was fast asleep), and she is now once again going to bed happily. Now, i would still NEVER leave my little tiny baby to cry, but i now know that under certain circumstances i would leave my toddler for a moment or 2 to do so. Could it be that your friends are not so much abandoning AP but rather changing their methods to suit their child's stage of development? Every child developes at his or her own rate afterall.
I think many people change their parenting ideals once they have a child. There are certainly things i thought i would "always" or "never" do when i was PG but the reality isn't the same as the concept. For instance i was going to BF for at least a year and anticipated nothing which would alter this plan. Well i didn't anticipate thyroid crisis, the break-up of my relationship, single-parenthood or a diminishing milk supply due to stress and metabolic issues. But i got them just the same and the result was that we made it to 7 months and then DD was FFed. At least one of my AP friends still thinks i "gave in" and "put myself first" and feels gutwrenching pain (even now) when she sees my DD with cow's milk in a cup. So i don't see her so much. That's ok - eventually both our families will be ast the BF/FF stage and she won't feel that pain any more. Meantime we have an email every now and then, and don't discuss parenting too much. I guess thinking an idea is good isn't the same as feeling something is right for your family - in times of immense strain it's hard to follow anything but one's heart.
I would say that the "hugs for 2" thing is lovely, if you mean you have enough affection for your friends that them being worried about being friends still is ok and you can bring enough love and empathy to the table to make it through the early you-say-potayto-i-say-potahto stages. Is that what you mean?
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