WOW... This afternoon I had a realisation. I setup a whole heap of craft on the dining table (the dining area is now sectioned off thanks to mr trashomatic) and told Paris to go for it. First time in her life she DID and she hasn't (mostly because she couldn't) involved me in every bit of glueing, drawing, colour choosing etc etc. Not that its ever bothered me thats just the type of kid she is we interact ALL the time. If I'm on here she's in my ear and usually I am involved with her in an activity at the same time, whether its reading drawing, playing a card game you name it. Multi-tasking is my friend. She's always been very involved and I guess it wasn't until Mr independent (aka Mr trashomatic) came along that I realised how much we do EVERYTHING together. What's laughable is that if I've had a busy day on here and haven't spent IMO QT together I'll beat myself up about it and go out of my way to make it up to her. Yet today I've had a realisation. She has my attention ALL the time no matter what I'm doing, if I'm making dinner or trying to clean (I gave up on doing that whilst she's around I generally do weekly chores when she's at kinder) or on the phone even (as many friends will know LOL). I'm just one of those people that doesn't like to tell her to "go play" or "go and find something to do". Ironically my parents used to say it to me all the time and it never hurt me but I have this fear that she's going to think I'm really saying "I don't want to spend time with you" Although I never thought that my parents were saying that to me when I was told to go outside or go play or whatever. Its funny what goes on in your head. Anyway my realisation is that I guess up until today I never realised it was slightly smothering. Its probably why sometimes I just want to run away and hide. And that's ok! I'm not a bad mother after all... Guilt is my nasty co-pilot when pondering these situations LOL Anyway this may seem like useless drivel and I'm not really sure what I'm trying to get at. I guess I just realised that even though my full attention might not be with Paris all the time I do spend LOTS of time with her and no matter *what* I'm doing she's always allowed to interact with me. I guess a few shackles of guilt have just fallen off LOL! And I've probably been able to justify some of my feelings of needing space. When I think about it I really haven't had much since she was born. She's never been into playing by herself or doing her own thing she's just not that type of kid. I always envy those that their kids go outside and play. Even when Paris goes off to play I'm still part of the game.

So now I can safely say and not feel so guilty about it I've been feeling a little smothered from time to time LOL! And Yippee that she's actually figuring out how to have time to herself. What's ironic about all this is I sook on a daily basis about how independent Seth is LOL! Poor kids they can't win... but hey neither can I.

Not sure if this is suited here or Parenting de-brief...

*hugs*
Cailin