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Thread: Smothered - A revelation...

  1. #1

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    Lightbulb Smothered - A revelation...

    WOW... This afternoon I had a realisation. I setup a whole heap of craft on the dining table (the dining area is now sectioned off thanks to mr trashomatic) and told Paris to go for it. First time in her life she DID and she hasn't (mostly because she couldn't) involved me in every bit of glueing, drawing, colour choosing etc etc. Not that its ever bothered me thats just the type of kid she is we interact ALL the time. If I'm on here she's in my ear and usually I am involved with her in an activity at the same time, whether its reading drawing, playing a card game you name it. Multi-tasking is my friend. She's always been very involved and I guess it wasn't until Mr independent (aka Mr trashomatic) came along that I realised how much we do EVERYTHING together. What's laughable is that if I've had a busy day on here and haven't spent IMO QT together I'll beat myself up about it and go out of my way to make it up to her. Yet today I've had a realisation. She has my attention ALL the time no matter what I'm doing, if I'm making dinner or trying to clean (I gave up on doing that whilst she's around I generally do weekly chores when she's at kinder) or on the phone even (as many friends will know LOL). I'm just one of those people that doesn't like to tell her to "go play" or "go and find something to do". Ironically my parents used to say it to me all the time and it never hurt me but I have this fear that she's going to think I'm really saying "I don't want to spend time with you" Although I never thought that my parents were saying that to me when I was told to go outside or go play or whatever. Its funny what goes on in your head. Anyway my realisation is that I guess up until today I never realised it was slightly smothering. Its probably why sometimes I just want to run away and hide. And that's ok! I'm not a bad mother after all... Guilt is my nasty co-pilot when pondering these situations LOL Anyway this may seem like useless drivel and I'm not really sure what I'm trying to get at. I guess I just realised that even though my full attention might not be with Paris all the time I do spend LOTS of time with her and no matter *what* I'm doing she's always allowed to interact with me. I guess a few shackles of guilt have just fallen off LOL! And I've probably been able to justify some of my feelings of needing space. When I think about it I really haven't had much since she was born. She's never been into playing by herself or doing her own thing she's just not that type of kid. I always envy those that their kids go outside and play. Even when Paris goes off to play I'm still part of the game.

    So now I can safely say and not feel so guilty about it I've been feeling a little smothered from time to time LOL! And Yippee that she's actually figuring out how to have time to herself. What's ironic about all this is I sook on a daily basis about how independent Seth is LOL! Poor kids they can't win... but hey neither can I.



    Not sure if this is suited here or Parenting de-brief...

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  2. #2

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    LOL Cailin!! I sook at Matilda being too independant, so I think I would relish the opportunity to be smothered When you were saying before that Paris should let me have some child free time I was loving getting so much attention from her And today when I was hanging out with another toddler who likes to be around his mother & needs her security I was feeling a bit sooky about not getting that with Matilda...

    I can see that both sides can be just as frustrating now, and I can't wait to meet Jovie, hopefully I can have some smothering!!

  3. #3

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    Awww Christy IKWYM. I'm also the type of person that doesn't mind smothering with other peoples kids. But I've come across a few people who find Paris to be *too* much so I am always cautious of this... But I promise you I'll never hear me tell her to give you space again Anyway you know me well enough to know my "it takes a village" saying so I'd be pretty sure that if you'd had enough you'd tell her yourself LOL!

    I'm just really glad I finally realised that Paris is in no way neglected and I can stop beating myself up. And that its ok to occasionally want some me time guilt free! WOOT!

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  4. #4

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    Yay Cailin! I'm happy you're no longer feeling guilty about this.

    When I was little, I was the indepenent one and my sister the smothery one; my mum wanted it the other way around so was constantly upset by us LMAO! My mum still hates it if I go off and "play by myself" when I'm with her for a week: she still wants me to be smothered! Nup, I run away... still! It's great that you're letting Paris do as she wishes without the guilt, I think that's fab.

  5. #5

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    Do you girls think it's a gender thing... a bit... my DD also needs my constant imput/involvement... and or that of others... when I tell her to go outside and find something to do (usually when she is being silly and noisey inside) she instantly seeks out the company of others. This can be a wonderful thing... we know all our neighbours because of her! But I wonder whether she would benefit from a little more quiet moments of introspection? I enjoy my own company quite frequently, when i can get it, and I find it's when i get the best ideas and resolve a lot of issues. I'm just worried that she doesn't see the benefit in this and will grow up constantly needing the affirmations of others. She's also a very needy student and I worry she "hogs" the teachers attention ... how do you teach a child to enjoy their own company? Sorry to hijack your thread Cailin... but the issue is always at the forefront of my thinking... lucky my other 2 children aren't as needy in terms of my attention... but once again... is that a boy thing???

    ETA: actually the more I think about it it's probably silly to think it's a gender thing... it's just when I was a teacher's aide it was the girls who needed the attention of the teachers more... now I'm not saying this is a bad thing... it's just that a lot of the time i felt like saying "well, if you stop talking and think about what you're doing you might get a lot more out of (the activity)"... it's definately not being neglectful letting your DD learn to function autonomously

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