Banging her head on the floor

[Debbie Lee]

I've mentioned this behaviour to a few friends and they have all laughed and said that their child doesn't do it. Even my Mum raised her eyebrows when she saw Gabby do it a few times and said; "You girls never did that!".

When Gabby is tired, sooky, not getting what she wants, etc. not only does she throw a tantrum on the floor, but she purposely whacks her head on the ground! She has even done it on the cement outside (she wanted to run down the driveway and I wouldn't let her.... for obvious reasons!). It's quite difficult to watch. She has been known to bonk her head on doors too... like if I close the door to the laundry so that she can't get to the dog food, she cracks the poos and hits her forhead into the door - sometimes more than once.

Firstly... do you think this is something more serious and I should speak to a Dr. about it?

Secondly, what do you think the best course of action is? We don't ignore it... and we don't yell at her. Most of the time I pick her up or try to distract her. I do say to her "Don't do that" and try to use a soft voice (though it's hard sometimes!). It's also hard not to laugh. Neil laughs at her when she does it and I tell him not to.

It's quite an unusual behaviour!

[Trish]

Deb as I said to you the other day. My little brother used to do the same thing, he put his head through the window doing it. Thankfully not too much damage. Don't really know what the best course of action is but laughing would be a no no. Maybe just do as you are doing and distract her. Afterall it is just out of frustration because she can't get her own way. Just move her out of harms way and let her be???

Teh is a tantrum chucker too and we are trying to just ignore it atm. Hopefully something they will both grow out of in time.

[Debbie Lee]

Thanks Trish... yeah... I hope she does grow out of it (at least before she goes and gives herself a bruise).
A couple of times she has really hurt herself... makes you wonder why she keeps doing it!! LOL... silly billy!

[skyelar]

My DD did the same thing! I asked around a few ppl and mentioned it to my Dr & he said it was just out of frustration. I guess she was trying (in a weird kinda way) to verbalise that she wasn't happy.

It only ever happened when she didn't get her own way, or would be wanting something that I couldn't understand. I used to just move her & say "we don't do that" she seemed to grow out of it & stopped once she could say basic things like 'drink' etc.

HTH

ps my DH was so help just PHSL whenever she did it

[christy]

Have a look at my de-briefing, but Matilda tends to do a lot of self harm during tantrums. We are going to get some plans together for it. I honestly believe a lot of things work for one baby and not for another, but you can't find out unless you try to work it out.

When Matilda was younger, distraction was great... and the best way to avoid anything further.

Matilda does things like throw her whole body on the floor backwards and often will land on something because she doesn't look where she is going to fall. OR she will close her eyes & run around the house screaming, often going straight into a corner or a wall.

When she does this my main reaction is to put her somewhere she can't hurt herself. So we go into her room & close the door and I sit in there while she screams on her bed or around the room & when she starts to settle I cuddle her and talk to her about what has happened.

[BellyBelly]

I hate it when family do that to you, with such horror as if it *must* be abnormal if they didn't experience it!

[Colleen]

jaykob does this or he will start cracking it and run towards a wall & bang into it - Im hoping he grows out of it, we have been ignoring it so that he doesnt get a response from us iykwim

[Naomi]

Nick used to do this alot, usually when he didn't get his own way.
It took a while, but he grew out of it, i just used to pick him up as he was screaming so he didn't do it again until he calmed down
Now Ryan has just started, so here we go again LOL

[Melinda]

Jacob wouldn't hit his head on things, but he would hit himself in the head with his hands. He does similar things to Matilda, in that he will throw himself onto the floor and hurt himself because he doesn't look where he's going to fall IYKWIM. He will also kick and scream and put on the full show.

I know how hard it is when other people say that their children have never done it or don't do it. I've found going places with Jacob these past few months to be extremely stressful, as he seems to be the only child doing it, or people stare or pass seriously unhelpful comments!! (I could throw a tantie myself over some of the comments, believe me!)

I really believe that for Jacob it has been a developmental thing, and he has been hitting himself or throwing himself on the floor due to frustration - at not being understood, not being able to do things he wants to do (he always wants to be able to do things the very first time he tries them) and not being able to say things. I know you've read the other thread (I just posted a reply to your message) so you will see that this stage seems to have passed for Jacob *touch wood* I'm sure there will be plenty more, but we were well and truly ready for this one to pass as it has been 5.5 very full on months.....

So rest assured others have most definitely been there!

[Debbie Lee]

Thanks Skye and everyone else... it's good to know that Gab isn't doing anything out of the ordinary. I just kind of freaked out when none of my friends had experienced it with their bubs. I thought it was all part of tantrums but they look at me like I am speaking another language when I tell them about it (or see the stunned look on people's faces when they see Gabby do it IRL).

It's definitely out of frustration. She's just like me... cracks the poos really easily when things don't go her way. She even cracks the sads with toys when they don't go the direction she wants them to go!! Control freak or what?? LOL
Perhaps she'll be a teacher one day too???

[Melinda]

Jacob is the same - he will get VERY frustrated with toys and things when they don't do what he wants them to do. He'll get equally as frustrated when he tries to do things and doesn't get it right the first time he tries.

I think we've just got some very determined little kiddies!!

[Debbie Lee]

Just thought I would update.
Gab's temper is still pretty bad. She's now at the point where if another child touches her or tries to take the toy she's playing with (or even just "help" her), she chucks the biggest wobbly!!
If she's upset because a toy/person/object isn't doing what she wants it to, she screams and cries and gets soooo angry. If I try to console her or help her, I just make things worse. So now I just try to calm her down with my voice by saying, "It's ok, you can fix it" in a calm voice (which is sometimes difficult to do!).
It's funny, she prefers to play on her own and doesn't really like other kids getting involved with what she is doing YET other kids seem to gravitate toward her! It's like she sends out some kind of vibe, LOL.
She chucked a tanty the other day. I had to work that day and didn't see her in the morning because she was still asleep. Mum looked after her at our place. Anyway, she was ok for the first hour or so but then started getting upset with everything. Arrgh, it was frustrating. Anyway, she was screaming louder than ever and throwing herself around. My Mum told me to give her a smack and I just couldn't do it (nor did I want to). In a way I was kind of happy within myself that I felt that way as I always thought that, once I became a Mum, I would give my children a smack on the bum when they were being really naughty. I thought because that's the way we were raised (and we always behaved relatively well) that it's the way I'd want to discipline in extreme circumstances.
But I don't want Gabby to be afraid of me. I was afraid of my Mum - that's why I behaved. Ok... so I was an angel in public and minded all my P's and Q's but now I resent Mum because of it. Kind of a flip-side to the whole debate really.

So, yeah... just thought I would let that all out, LOL.

[Trish]

Deb, sounds like you have a very strong headed little lady on your hands there.
Good on you for not smacking Gab, I think, especially at this age she is too little to even understand the whole naughty/smack concept. (Remind I said this ok).

Tehya can get quite stubborn too and she was started to headbutt if she is upset or can't get her own way. Tehya is very independant and like to do things for herself. Weetbix and a 16 month old are not the easiest to manage She will crack it if she can't get her own way too. I guess it's just their way of sharing their frustrations at being able to do whtaever they want. Tehya hates going in the pram when we are out and will chuck a wobbly to be out. And... I usually give in..... Silly me.

Perhaps Gab prefers it on her own because that is what she is generally used too??? Especially now Paige isn't with you anymore.

Keep strong Deb, it has to get better

[DoulaRelle]

My son used to do this all of the time, including hitting other children for no apparent reason, and it turned out that majority of the behaviour was due to him having chronic ear infections, and he was having difficulty hearing and developing his speech. It took a year of ear infections before finally getting a referral to a ENT surgeon - where she decided he needed to have gromits put in and adnoids taken out the next week - even though I wad 8 and a half months preggo with no 2.

The change in his behaviour and speech was basically overnight, although we still have plenty of 2 yo tanties, with tears but no self harming behaviour.

[Melinda]

Gabby seems to have a few characteristics that Jacob has! I think with him, his mind is just so far ahead of where he is physically when it comes to certain things that he gets totally p*ssed off with himself! LOL

It's hard to watch when they desperately want to be independent and do things their own way, the first time they trust, without any assistance and it doesn't work and then you have a great big tanty. Definitely encouraging them is a great thing - we've done the same with Jacob too.

It's funny you know as he still gets this way with things and insists on doing things himself and god forbid I say "Mummy show you?" - oh dear. Not wise LOL.

But you know what, the toys that he gets really frustrated with, were ones that I tended to leave about for him to have a crack at, and would try to make an effort to help where I could (without being yelled at in the process) but I didn't really force the issue with them. I'd try to divert his attention elsewhere if things got too savage. Interestingly enough, he decided for himself "stuff this" and left a couple of toys alone because he got too angry with them, but I still left them out for him, hoping he would keep persisting and come back to them (I figured that it may help him to learn that if he kept trying, he would eventually succeed by himself and that would make him feel good).

Well what do you know....there is a shape sorter that he always did battle with in a monumental way and it would end up across the other side of the lounge room. One day, he went back to it (maybe a month ago) and he was able to do it - totally out of the blue, he was able to handle it and he was SO proud of himself - he now plays with it all the time and takes it to people when they visit so he can show them what he can do and has taught himself!

Anyway....I've gone on again (LOL - sorry!). I just thought I'd share that - perhaps you could apply the same tactic with Gabby?!?!

[Melinda]

Oh I should add, that playing on her own is a totally normal thing at Gabby's age and Jacob still does it a lot too, although he's big on giving toys to other kids so he can see what they can do with it that he can't yet (his sneaky little way of finding out how things work without actually asking for help from Mummy or Daddy).

And YAY for not smacking! Well done.

[Debbie Lee]

Oh I should add, that playing on her own is a totally normal thing at Gabby's age

Thanks, Mel. I seem to remember from what little psychology I did at Uni (and failed miserably, LOL) that children generally don't "play" properly with eachother for a few years (uno, like proper structured play). So I am not too concerned that she prefers to be on her own. It's just funny that other kids think she's a fun one to play with when she hates it so much, LOL.
I do the same with the toys that frustrate Gab. I leave them out so that she can eventually conquer them. It took her a while to figure out carts/toy prams and other stuff to push around. She now has that down to a fine art and just cracks it when they won't roll over things (like other toys). She's just like me - if brut force won't work, she chucks a wobbly, LOL.

Relle - wow - any wonder your DS was frustrated. I am glad his hearing problem was eventually sorted out and it helped some of his behaviour.

Trish - LOL @ Tehya and her fiery red-head ways! I think you're right about Gab not having Paige around as much any more. They still see a fair bit of eachother.
Acutally, their whole demeanour to eachother has changed. They've both moved into new "stages". Paige is very possessive and HAS to have what Gabby has so she will snatch toys off her all the time or smack Gabby if she won't hand it over. Gab, of course, starts crying and waving her hands about trying to get the thing back. On the flip-side, Paige has also discovered kisses and cuddles and is always trying to give Gabby a smooch or a hug. Gab doesn't really like that either (though she has obliged a couple of times and we got the cuuuutest photo of one kiss... it's on Gabby's site) and cracks it. It's just amazing how their "playing personalities" change as they get older.