Agreed- distraction If ds chucks a full on kicking and screaming one, I'll put him down on the floor and step back, and wait till he's done with the violence, then give him a cuddle and tell him it's ok, I know he is cranky/tired/hungry/ whatever but we can't kick and hit people. I find naming it helps a lot too- angry, frustrated, sad, etc.

With the nappy changes, maybe put her on the floor and distract as best you can, change the nappy as quick as you can, and tell her you understand she is cranky but you need to change her nappy and t won't take long.

HTH