In summary - positive re-inforcement. If you tell your son what you expect of him and how he can help and praise him for it, you'll get a better behaved child.
With DS, I let him walk around the shops with me. He has reins on. He knows to stop at the kerb and hold hands to cross roads because Mammy needs to be looked after - and if he doesn't, pushchair. He helps me push his chair, which keeps him close. I tell him to help me find the fruit for dinner tonight, or ask if he can find the milk... then walk after him. OK, takes a time and I prefer to shop alone, but he doesn't act up so much.
I also ask if "a good boy" does XYZ. Then I ask if DS is a good boy. Sometimes I have to then ask if Good Boy DS does XYZ before he gives it up unhappily, but that works nine times out of ten.
Playing hide and seek is great too. As soon as I ask if DS is under the table or behind the chair he runs right to me laughing.
Disciplining a child is hard - you have to explain not only that something isn't right, but WHY it's not right and then acknowledge your child does't like that answer and keep them safe while they express their rage.
A screaming child is a bit embarrassing, but I'd rather see a misbehaving child looked after safely, even if he didn't like it, than a brat making EVERYONE's life a misery because his parents gave in to every whim. I don't look down my nose, but I know it may be seen like that because I don't know what to say to you to encourage you with standing firm.
I also tell DS "don't bother fighting me on this, Mammy's going to win." It may take me an hour to "win" but I do. Not used all the time, but he knows when I'm determined he can't budge me. So goes to work on DH or my mum instead! DH backs me up 99% of the time but Mum only 80% because she doesn't know all the rules and reasons, although she's getting better. DS only chucks big tantrums at these two as well because he knows how consistent I am.
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