Does a mother's temperament determine a 'high maintenance' child?

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I'm chilled. I was told off by several midwives for being too relaxed during pregnancy. I'm the most chilled first-time mother in the world, apparently.

And DS is so high-maintainance that all my friends tell me how "bad" I have it! He's not anxious, he just loves having his Mama around him. I'm his best friend and he doesn't want that to stop.

[AndiE]

Ahhh ... nature vs nuture!

The jury's out for me. I know chilled out mums with chilled out kids, and highly strung mums with highly strung kids. And I know mums/kids who are total opposites!

I honestly think kids will be what they are destined to be - including being influenced by the way they are parented and influenced by their genetics.

IMO, babies and toddlers go through stages. One night they are happy to self settle to sleep ... the next night (and for the next 6 months) they need physical and emotional help to nod off. We do what we need to do for our child's security and comfort. We've only just got our 23mo DS1 back to self settling ... it only took 6 months! Now our DS1 creeps into our bed at night (we often wake up to find him between us) and seems happy to sleep like the dead providing he can fling his leg over us, or have a hand under one of our armpits.

To be polite ... up the bottoms of people who stick their nose into your style of parenting and your daughter's individuality. You know your daughter, you know the best way of parenting her. Keep up the good work, I say

[~Kim~]

koru my love you are perfectly within your rights to tell them to sod off! It's none of their business.

Sadly it took me all the way through one toddlerhood to understand this myself. If you are happy, then it's right for you.

FWIW I don't 'do' drama....it follows me in the form of my DH and children though

[fionas]

I tend to go with the they are what they are theory too.

DP is very relaxed, I veer between the biggest control freak you've ever met to presenting a very chillaxed persona to hide my nuttiness

DD basically came into the world saying, "OK, I'm here now. Let's get this party started."

She has rarely played with other kids but is the most social creature you've ever met and that is most definitely nature not nurture.

On the other hand, when we do go to the playground I see other parents literally hovering over their children saying "careful, careful, no, you might hurt yourself" and think "really, what chance does that kid have of developing any physical self-confidence?"

So I think kids come out with their own little personality but it is possible to shape it a little either positively or negatively depending on how you role model.