Does your parenting attitude differ to your parents'? - Required for Article
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Hi mums
I'm writing a feature for an australian glossy parenting magazine about the evolution of parenting!
I'd love to hear about the things your parents did, and that you now consciously avoid in your parenting.
Or, alternatively, about the things you think they did well, and strive to continue doing with your kids - and the difficulties in doing that, with modern influences like tv, internet etc...
Any general comments and thoughts also welcome. It's quite an interesting topic!
Look forward to reading your thoughts. Please include your name, where you're from and your kids names - although I can fabricate something if you're not happy with revealing that information.
Rachel x
Last edited by Trillian; January 4th, 2009 at 05:28 PM.
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Not sure if this is the sort of stuff you're looking for but here goes. And a lot of this is guesswork on my part because I haven't had long talks with my parents about what they did when I was a baby but I've sort of gleaned stuff about their approach from what they have said about me and my DD.
Feeding - I think mum was basically of the opinion that FF was best (I think this was quite common in the 60s when I was born). I very much wanted to BF but ran into difficulties so we both ended up with FF babies. In terms of solids, I'm not sure when mum would have started but I'm very sure she gave me what she thought I would find delicious - so lots of custardy things, cakes, biscuits etc. We couldn't be further apart on this. I'm very anti giving DD sweet things (apart from fruit) just for the sake of it. Mum thinks I'm cruel!
Sleeping - I know that my sister slept in a crib in mum & dad's room (so I presume I did too) and I was HORRIFIED to find out she was in there till she was three. I was one of the ones who thought "over my dead body" to this but as things turned out, we had some structural things go wrong with our house which meant that it wasn't safe to put DD in her room when she was born so guess what, she slept in a crib in our room. And, once I got my confidence up, in our bed too. She's still in our room at almost 18 months old and I'm dreading moving her because I will miss her so much. I have suggested to DP that we cut a large peep hole through the adjoining wall so that I can get my sleeping baby fix whenever I need it. In terms of sleeping routines, mum sounds like she was a go with the flow person and so am I. She says that as a baby I wouldn't go to sleep until midnight quite often so she just used to keep me up and take me to bed when she did. That's actually mum all over, she would have a bit of a go at putting me to bed but if I seemed happier being up, she'd just think what the heck and not worry about it. I'm similar but I would probably make a lot more effort before giving in. We've never discussed controlled crying - I get the impression that mum wouldn't have done it and I never had to.
TV - I'm quite anti-TV probably because it was the main source of post-dinner activities in my house growing up and I want her to get used to the idea that TV is not something you have on all day in the background, you just turn it on to watch what you want to watch and then you turn it off and do something else. I think I've had daytime TV on about five times since DD was born and I've just started letting her watch 10 minute bursts of DVDs. We do have it on in the evening so she always sees the ABC News and Lateline because that's what DP and I watch. Now she recognises when the newsreader is doing the wrap up and the credits music is about to roll because she starts going nuttso dancing. Highly amusing.
That's all I can think of. Not sure it was what you were looking for but it was fun thinking about similarities/differences.
Well my mum used to smack us until we (my sisters and I) were 7, 8 and 9 years old. I don't smack. We use the corner, have since the boys were little, and it works!
I co sleep, my mother didn't. I baby wear, my mother didn't.
It's not all different though.
I use cloth, so did she. I don't like CC, she didn't either (and we both got the same "making a rod for your own back, crying wont hurt them... crap!)
While in a lot of ways parenting has changed in the last 25 years, it has also stayed the same in some
My parents believe that crying won't hurt a baby and that we should let them cry themselves to sleep.... Sorry not happening!!!!
We co-sleep.... they would'nt even have dreamt of it.
We got smacked with hands, straps etc. I rarely smack mainly if it is dangerous and then it is a token one
We had to eat everything on our plate, or it got kept till later??? Definately nothing else if that did'nt happen. I refuse to make my children eat anything, I put it on their plate if they don't eat it I won't make them, but I do keep presenting it. Sometimes they get to have fruit or youghrt if I feel they did'nt eat enough (wish I was tougher there)
My mum was very hands on we lead busy, active but relaxed lifestyles (no stress) she was great fun and is excellent with my kids, I feel time poor and wish I could provide them with the type of fun we had. I feel like it was safer back then, we did things like collected bottles on a weekend after the football to get the bottle refund, I would'nt allow my children to do that because I feel it would'nt be safe. We played outside more often, TV was an occasional thing, friends ruled. We knew our neighbours well and all the kids played together, we made our own fun and had great adventures!!! I also think we had more respect, we only called adult s by their surname and would'nt have given cheek..... police etc, seemed to have more authority.
It was very different, I think I turned out pretty good no ill effects that I know of, but still want to parent differently???? How strange is that, I had'nt really thought about it until now.
So far as DS is only 7 months its mainly my intentions here but here goes.
Feeding- My mother breastfed 4 out of 5 of her kids and I attempted but they were quick to tell me to put him on formula. I didnt know of lactation consultants so I lucked out there but have every intention of trying again if I ever have another baby.
Solids wise- I believe in baby led solids and was told by my dr to start it at 4 months as ds was not putting on weight (my dr is the old fashioned kind who started his dd on solids occassionally at 3 weeks). I am trying DS on a vegetarian diet and only giving him food I have made myself. If he refuses food I try him again in a week and usually hell give it a go. All my brothers and sisters have a very unhealthy attitude to food as my mother doesnt cook, either my 14 year old sister cooks or they get fast food. If they cant afford it they go hungry.
Sleeping- My mother co sleeps my almost 5 year old sister, whereas I only co slept DS until 3 or 4 months of age then moved him to his own bed within my room, then waited til 6 months to move him to his own room. I co sleep if he is sick or upset or if I just want a cuddle
Discipline- My mum is a smack first ask questions later type of person. I dont want to smack DS unless he is continuely doing something dangerous and nothing has worked before that.
My mum does not know much about where her kids 'are' emotionally or how they are doing in school as she tends to be very self involved. I have seen her mistakes and have decided that is not how I want to parent. We have had many issues as she allows my 14 year old sister to have unsupervised parties in which she has bought them alot of alcohol (were talking 2 cartons for roughly 10 underage kids) which to me sends the wrong message about drinking. She has also given my son beer and sees nothing wrong with feeding an infant alcohol. As you can see alot of issues but it shows me what not to do in a sense.
HTH
My parents were of the thought that if a baby has been fed, changed and is warm enough, then they can safely be left to cry (!) My father thinks that I "spoil" DD because I never leave her to cry and always seek to find out what is bothering her and why she is upset.
Re feeding - my mother was told (by drs and hps) not to feed babies at night and to feed to a strict 3 hour routine during the day, which she did with me and my sister, then decided to ignore and demand feed my brothers. She advised me to ignore any advice about routine feeds and to feed DD whenever she wants it, which is what I have been doing and it has been working really well.
Hope this helps. I will try and post more when I think of things.
OMy! My parenting style is as if we both came from another planet!
My mother smacked, strapped and then smacked some more! I have smacked my children - but rarely and to be very honest it has affected my self respect so badly - I felt like a hideous failure... My mother just did it as a par for course. I use a chair, removal of the child from the situation - or sometimes I remove them or myself!
I had the same thing with being made to eat everything on my plate or I stayed up until it was done. I loathed pumpkin and every nite I would sit with it in front of me swallowing it down with glasses of water. What is that about? I do not make my children eat foods that they just don't like. We are all different and have differing likes and aversions - it has taken almost 35 years for me to enjoy roast pumpkin!!!
My mother was the CC queen - she believed if a baby was dry and fed it was being "naughty" by crying. I am a lot older than my younger sister - I remember her screaming for what seemed like hours. I remember how distressed I felt.
My mother didn't b/feed - I have breastfed exclusively all of my babies - breastfeeding was "crude".
Children should be seen and not heard. In my house the children out number the adults - and they are people with rights. They don't need punishment they need direction... They need consequences that have been agreed upon - not willy nilly slaps and yells...
Thanks, really really helpful. Fiona - can I have your name and where you're from and how many kids you have? I'd love to use your comments. You, too, MissyMoo (but I have your details already!)
Does your parenting attitude differ to your parents'? - Required for Article
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I have smacked my children - but rarely and to be very honest it has affected my self respect so badly - I felt like a hideous failure... My mother just did it as a par for course. I use a chair, removal of the child from the situation - or sometimes I remove them or myself!
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