Thanks Rouge I got that it was a thread expressed about OP's feelings, but it is on public forum, where different opinions are allowed to be voiced.
My reply was also about smacking but also trying to look at the different angles, because as we know in life, things are not always what they seem.
So again I don't support or agree with abuse, but some people on here or IRL, may agree that sometimes smacking is ok.
And again I'm not trying to create a debate, just voicing my opinion.
Again apologies as when on iPhones you can't see what section it's posted in.
I understand your role as a moderator, but you also could use some less harsh ways to let people know if their opinions are not valid. The way in which you write your words comes across as attacking.
Again sorry for high jacking your thread Kazzo
Last edited by MLR1901; December 20th, 2012 at 06:16 AM.
Could you take into consideration pnd? I know it doesn't make it right. But I suffer from pnd, and anxiety. And due to not being parented well, my reaction to anxiety is to get upset/angry with ds or dh or anyone else is causing anxiety.
I would hate that someone judged me because of how I was acting during an attack. Not saying I hit my child or agree with it, but I have shouted at him because I can't handle it anymore. But once I calm down I apologise. I understand its not right.
But I'm still trying to work out right meds and going to therapy. I'm great most of the time, but still have my moments. I understand its wrong to be like this, I am honestly trying.
I guess my point is try not to judge others by one moment in their parenting. Because you don't necessarily know their story. I know it doesn't make abuse ok, just something to think about.
Kids will push you. You will yell, you will get angry and feel like you're at the end if your tether. That's so completely normal.
I think it's how you react afterwards that matters. Apologising for losing your temper teaches your child to do the same when they say hurtful things too. I don't think your kids need you to be perfect but they need you to teach them how to recover from their mistakes by showing how you recover from yours.
My personal opinion is that smacking is a lazy way to parent. It's easier to smack and get that instant fear reaction which stops the child doing what you don't want the child to do then trying to think of others ways around the problem. When you have 3 kids underfoot, it's a big ask of a parent. But not impossible.
It's harder as a parent to choose not to smack. To distract, to talk through it, to manage that tantrum with calmness. I know I certainly can't do calmness very well but I do it enough to get through it without smacking. I won't smack. I have 4 kids between 6 and 23 and I've never smacked. So I know it's possible.
I was smacked as a kid. For most of my teens I thought it didn't affect me. Then I had my daughter - one look at her and I knew I'd never raise a hand to her. And yet she has certainly pushed me to my limit in her 23 years. But I maintain that I'd sooner hit a stranger than my own flesh and blood, no matter how 'soft' that smack may be.
Kids don't NEED to be smacked to be taught. So why do it? Why teach your child fear at such a young age? Smacked kids are scared. I have seen it in their eyes too (my sister smacks) and it makes my heart break.
I tried smacking his hand once when he was playing with the oven. But it broke my heart, and all it taught him was to hit people when your upset with them. So have decided it is not a parenting style I want to use. I too find it hard to watch children get smacked. I feel it is a breach of trust. I love my son so much, why would I want to hurt him.
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