thread: feeling like aterrible mum!

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Mar 2006
    Gold Coast

    feeling like aterrible mum!

    I hav e a 19mth old that certinaly keeps me on my toes. I have always tried my best to use gentle parenting techniques.. but sometimes i just feel like i am doing it all wrong. we still BF and co-sleep and i am exhausted from night feeding so i think this contributes to my lack of patience lately..feel like i am over it! but he is just so aggressive. he hits ,me bites pulls hair.. and latest is his tantrums where he squeals at the top of his lungs if he doesnt get to go on a ride in a shopping centre.. but my biggest issue is how i deal with his aggression. i have tried everything. said calmly please dont hurt mummy.. touch soft.. he keeps doing it.. pretended to be hurt and upset he keeps doing it. put him in time out.. ignored him and now i loose my cool and have even hit him back. I feel so terrible but am at the point where i feel like he is trying to actually hurt me and i just loose my patience. i have always been so anti hitting so why do i do it? i feel evil! I dont know how best to deal with this issue and wondered if anyone had any ideas or suggest some techniques for tantrums and aggression.. and he has not even entered the twos!! i have read dr sears but no real hands on advice...arggghh sorry to ramble but feeling down and upset about it all.

  2. #2

    Mar 2004

    I think my Imran might be in secret communication with your Tariq. He hits, pulls hair, screams, kicks and bites when he doesn't get his own way.
    It's really hard not too lash out in return especially when you've got tooth marks that will last for days.

    I think that you need to try and make sure you get a break every now and then to unwind and relax. Do you get a chance to sleep in every now and then so you can refresh a bit?

    I'm no Dr Sears but since you say you've tried lots of things I'm wondering if maybe that's why nothing's working. I've no idea of the time-frames involved but I'm thinking that maybe you could pick a method and stick with it for 2 weeks. Consistency is important and often a discipline technique can take some time to show results.

    Also are you 'catching him being good'? When he is kind and gentle and affectionate make a big deal of it and tell him what it is that you like. Don't just say 'good boy' say 'good boy, I really like it when you hug Mummy/do what you're asked/touch gently".
    If he's getting lots of attention for good behaviour he's more likely to repeat it.

    You're not evil - we all struggle with our parenting sometimes.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Oct 2006
    Sydney NSW

    I think the reality of motherhood is always such a shock! I had so many 'definites' in my mind on how I was going to mother when I had my first and I have changed with each child as they are all so different. be kind to yourself, you are doing a good job just its harder some days than others.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Mar 2006
    Gold Coast

    yes your right Dach. well I have been doing the take away from the sitiuatuion put in corner and say please dont hurt mum.. for a few days and although he is still doing it ,, he even went into the corner when he pulled my hair last time so maybe this is progress... i know there is controversy with 'time out' but i feel im out of options. gee parenting sure is challanging! and on an islamic note dach...i need to keep up my salat and inshallah God will give more patience!

  5. #5

    Dec 2007

    We all have things we swore we would NEVER do when we're parents but do anyway because it's just so damn hard!! I don't have any advice, as my lil one is still just a baby, but I just wanted to say you shouldn't feel like a terrible mum! You're doing the best you can!

  6. #6
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2005
    Limestone Coast, SA

    Wow, DS has just started doing what Tariq is doing and its awful, hes's probably not quite as bad as Tariq yet but it wont be long im sure. Dont be too hard on yourself, i have always been totally anti hitting but there have abeen a few occasions where i have felt that it was the only way to snap him out of it (it didn't by the way, he just does it back to me). i think al we can really do is remind ourselves that they are not acting out to upset or hurt us, they are just at a very frustrating stage in their little lives and at the moment this is how they can express themselves, i know tha if i stay completely calm (easier said than done i know) Archie's tantys dont last too long, but if i get angry at him he is much worse.

    Sorry i dont have any real advice, but just know that you are not alone in this, hugs

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