A few things......

[Melinda]

OK.......how do others handle whinging/whining etc??? Jacob is being seriously full-on with this ATM. He's doing it practically all day long and throwing himself around if he doesn't get his own way or we don't understand him. I think a large part of the whining/whinging/screaching and tantrums is communication but boy......it's really draining.

He seems to need full-on stimulation and needs to burn energy every day in a big way but if it's belting down with rain I can't take him outside to run around and am stumped for ideas on how to burn that energy or direct it towards appropriate things for him that are inside.......

Also, Jacob keeps hitting us! We always tell him that we don't hit, that hitting hurts and try to explain to him that it's not how we solve problems and show him what we would like him to do instead of hitting, i.e. to touch softly. We also try to encourage him to kiss/cuddle afterwards and we always explain to him that if we hurt someone, we say sorry. But he still persists.......it's not like it hurts (and he only does it to us - he has never done it to anybody else) but I just find myself feeling angry at being hit by my own little boy IYKWIM!!!!

Any suggestions!?!? A bit PG and hormonal here too so finding the going a bit tough when combined with sleep deprivation too (another story LOL!)

[christy]

oh yeah I would love some suggestions for this as well. We don't so much have the hitting, but the full on ness of things atm are really wearing. Matilda tends to get bored after 10-15 minutes at activities and I just don't have the energy to be good all day. I may last a few hours but after that I get frustrated & tired.... would love some suggestions to stop the whinging/tantrums...

[Naomi]

Melinda, Nick went through the exact same thing, in reguards to the whinging, we used to sit him down and talk calmly to him until we could understand what it was he was trying to say, apparently if you try and figure out what they are saying,they don't get so frustrated with themselves.
The hitting, well that was another story, it got really bad, he only ever hit me or his dad, but it was beyond a joke, we also tryed to get him to understand that hitting is wrong, it took a while, but eventually he took it all in and he doesnt hit us anymore, he just headbutts anything in sight :shock: If it's not one thing it's another.

[angelfish]

Hi Melinda, Yep it can be extremely wearing to have to listen to whinging, grizzling and/or tantrums. Remember that most, if not all, children will go through stages like this, so it most likely isn't your fault. THe best way to handle it will depend on the individual child.

Strategies I have noticed DON'T tend to work well are:

Punishing the child - if he is unable to control his emotions, it is unfair to punish him for expressing them. If he is just out for attention, than even negative attention is a result, which could reinforce the behaviour. Although we do occasionally use a time out for things like hitting someone on purpose - but we try to do this calmly and supportively.

Ignoring it - lots of people say you should ignore all inappropriate forms of communication / interaction. I have a problem with this because it doesn't help the child to process his feelings, and it doesn't teach them more appropriate ways of behaving.
We are still very much working on the issue in our household, but we have found that the following things work (sometimes!)

Pay close attention to how your child is going. As well as making sure that you don't allow him to get too tired, overstimulated, dehydrated etc (which you probably already do), you will learn to see situations brewing before it gets to the stage of him whinging, screaming, hitting or whatever.

I try my best to get the kids outside every day in whatever weather. Ds has waterproof trousers and coat and gumboots, so even if it's pouring with rain, he can go and jump in puddles or whatever. I find his behaviour deteriorates dramatically if he misses outside time. (we're also lucky enough to have a verandah so he can ride his tricycle up and down there too).

I make a point of sometimes allowing him to change my mind by respectful negotiation. Although I only do it in cases where the outcome doesn't really matter, I thing it's giving him the idea that there are more effective ways to get his own way than by acting up.

With activities, I find we need to have a fine balance between novel or stimulating things and routine, calming things. I also find that they need to have some time to be bored and find their own entertainment, rather than always relying on mummy to initiate the next activity.

Also with ds I have started to talk to him a lot about emotions and acceptable ways of expressing them, practising how to ask for what you would like, and so on. I'm not sure how old Jacob is, but you could try and see how he responds. I think it takes a while before they really understand that hitting can hurt people, or even that other people actually have feelings.

[Debbie Lee]

Angelfish -

I try my best to get the kids outside every day in whatever weather. Ds has waterproof trousers and coat and gumboots, so even if it's pouring with rain, he can go and jump in puddles or whatever.

SUCH a good suggestion! I've recently had to have a "chat" to myself about being a little too precious about Gabby going outside. It bugs me that she gets so filthy. She's not fully walking yet (a bit of crawling and walking and LOADS of falling, hehehehe) so most of her pants have stains on the knees... urrgh!
The thing is, though... she loves being outside! And, I find when she has had a bit of outside play (like you said), her behaviour is different later on.
I know she's only 1 but she has recently started the whole tanty show. My initial reaction was to tell her off for doing it (like she can understand what I am saying anyway!! LOL), then to ignore it. Obviously that doesn't work because she's still doing it. She'll bang her head on the floor and writhe around like a feral when she doesn't get her own way. It's also tempting to laugh at her (my sister found it hilarious when she was turning it on for her photos last week) but I know that's counter-productive too.
So... I've made a decision that Gab needs some outside play every day. She has a sandpit and trike out in the car port so, even if it's raining, it's ok. Mum has made her some waterproof pants to wear over her regular clothes which will help. I'm going to invest in a pair of gumboots too. If it's super cold, I'll have to throw more layers on her. I've got to stop fretting about her clothes too. They are just clothes, after all!

[Tobily]

We're dealing with this too.
I try to get her outside every day, it helps her mood alot.
I have a list of things for her to do, if she's acting up I don't have to think about it too much and just get her started on *something* LOL.
- blowing bubbles outside
- crayons and painting on the back deck
- read a story
- let her loose in one of the kitchen cupboards
- let her loose upstairs (she doesn't get up there much except to sleep)
- singing and dancing (Hi 5 and we do the singing and dancing tog.)

I think it's a combination of boredom and not being able to communicate the way she wants (she's not talking much yet, but getting better).
We live in a townhouse - very confined so some days you just want to tear your hair out when it starts

[MiMo]

We are going through this as well, it seemed that over night my happy little girl beacame a tanty monster. Its really hard to handle and we are trying to figure out the best way as well. I dont like ignoring her but I dont want to encourage that kind of behaviour. Its really tricky.
My latest is to stand her up (hissy fits here ALWAYS involve Hannah throwing herself on the floor and screaming) and try and talk quietly to her and then if she carries on I walk away. I have absolutely no idea if this is a good or bad approach! My poor little guinea pig daughter!

[Melinda]

I seriously need more ideas on how to combat tantrums. It's a never ending tantrum in this house these days and it is doing my head in, in a big way.

I'm sick of being in tears all the time and I'm sure Jacob must be too. I've just had to walk out of the lounge room and leave him to it with DH because I simply cannot stand it a second longer.

I have no idea what the problem is but it's been going for months and I'm absolutely freaking desperate.

[JOJA]

Do you think he might be starting to assert his independence now?

I know Jack started to become quite "trying" from about 2 and we are still battling now with various behaviours. He likes to make the decisions in this house and we try and give him as many to make as possible and within reason.

Whenever I asked for help from health professionals they all said it is quite normal.

I know it's harder when your pg, it feels like they are doing it on purpose to wind you up hehe. Is there anyone that can babysit for a few hours a couple of times a week to give you a break? Or perhaps some v-e-r-y long walks?

Edited to add: Do you know about the positive parenting program?

Take care.

[Melinda]

Hi Jo,

Yes, he is a very independent and determined little boy - we've known that for a while! I love that he is that way IYKWIM, but it can also be very trying. He is starting to develop "particular" ways of wanting things which I know is normal for this age too. And yep, being PG makes it a bit harder to deal with!

Unfortunately I don't have someone who can babysit a couple of times a week. Currently my Mum looks after him one day a fortnight.

It's funny you know, the past 2 days he has been right back to his normal self.....independent and determined still, but much much happier! *touch wood* LOL It's been so refreshing to see him so happy and laughing more......and us too!

[Debbie Lee]

How's everything going, Mel? Is Jacob still back to his normal self?

[Melinda]

YES!!! He has been absolutely fantastic for a week now!

I can't tell you what a HUGE relief it is.......it's like my little boy has returned!!! He's so happy and contented this past week.......and he's spitting out a few more words/making more attempts at different words IYKWIM? So it's along the lines of what I thought, in that it's been largely a developmental thing. He's also improved with food refusal and his separation anxiety with DH (it's still there, but not as extreme). It's like a few things have finally sunk in (i.e. when we say "no" we mean it and there are consequences! LOL).

So yeah, he has returned to his delightful self!! I'm so much happier in myself now!!!

Thanks for asking!

[Debbie Lee]

Awww that's great, Mel!
Goes to show there is a light at the end of the tunnel, hey? All that perseverance was worth it... glad to hear Jacob is doing so extremely well! Wow... really must have been a developmental thing. Isn't it amazing how they just suddenly come out the other end and it's like; "What were you worried about, Mum?".
I think the little buggas do it to us on purpose!!! hehehe

[Melinda]

And you know what, it literally happened overnight!!!

It came to a real head a couple of weeks ago and I wondered what on earth was going on and then literally the next day, he was good as gold and has been ever since! LOL

[Debbie Lee]

I reckon it's always the way, Mel.
Just when you think it can't get any worse!
I know there's be a couple of times where I've said to myself, "Ok... I can't do this anymore!". Then the next day she's as good as gold!! Almost like they like to drive you right to breaking point - just before the nervous breakdown - then stop!!
From what I have heard, I think it keeps happening until they are well past their teens... maybe even further!! Who'd have kids, hey??

[Melinda]

PMSL @ it happening until they are past their teens - SO didn't need to hear that Deb! ROFL!!! hehe!!!