Is earlier better for childcare?

[Dotti8]

I am currently having trouble deciding when to tell work I am coming back because I can't decide when to put my DD into care!

I realise I am lucky to have choices about when I go back to work (I've been off for four months now) but it is a financial necessity to go back after 12 months and for other reasons (relevant to my career path) the sooner the better.

I have already decided and had agreement from DH that DD comes before my career. Ideally I would stay home with DD (and add to the family) until school age!

However, recent experiences of other mothers close to me have caused me to wonder whether our little ones adjust better at different ages (or different stages of development as the case may be) and that maybe an introduction into CC or FDC starting with a couple of half days a week and gradually working up to three or four full time days would be better. I was thinking maybe from 6 months onwards?

Are there parents who have placed their children later into cc and wish they had done so earlier? Alternatively, any parents placed their children at an early age (whether 6 months or earlier) but still had adjustment issues etc which might indicate that timing really isn't that significant????

I would love some experiences/feedback to guide me here! From the (very) limited examples I have from friends/family our dear children can be quite clingy from 9 months to 12 months and the transition into care a tough one.

It's a hard decision for me because the thought of putting DD into care is still making me sick to the stomach. But it will need to be done at some stage, is it more kind to her to ease her into it?

Finally, I have to be totally honest and say that if she did go into care earlier than the 12 mths I would take up my job on a part time basis . I am not letting that influence my decision but... it still makes me feel like a bad mum. I don't want to deprive her of any time she can have with me, especially when it is already limited!

Thx

[skeetaboat]

I think earlier for short periods of time before they get to that separation anxiety age (which just so happens to co-incide with the end of maternity leave provisions!! Although, I think the Rudd govt has it gazetted that maternity leave will soon be 24 months, yay!) probably does help when the time comes to do full days in childcare, because they get a chance to get to know their carer before they develop that 'stranger danger' radar. If you're worried you could try a couple of 1-2 hour sessions and see how it goes. It might either ease your mind or help you make up your mind...

DS didn't go to childcare until almost 2 but he did have short stints with my mum which started from a young age and that was never a problem as he was familiar with her.

[Rahjah]

I would say 'no'. But I believe young children need to be with their parents/primary care givers. And I would never have trusted strangers to do what I'd like done with my DS.

The tricky thing is, if you put a younger child into Child care YOU will suffer less 'hassle' from it, because there won't be the anxious response that you'll get with an 18 mth old for example.
I do think kids are better off if they can stay with their close people until they get through that stage though - their confidence is much higher and there's no risk to messing with attachment issues.

HAVING SAID ALL THAT, it's just my opinion and I do realise it doesn't work that way for everyone. It really depends where you sit on the parenting fence LOL! And it also depends on what sort of child care you find and how attentive they are to your LO. That makes a massive difference.

[Hansie]

DS has been in day-care since he was 7mths old. Never really went through the seperation anxiety phase with him. This could be that I was and still am very happy with the level care and so never had any anxiety of my own for him to pick up on. I did worry leading up to him going into care. Had the illogical and irrational thoughts of that I was giving away my baby and cried on his first day uncontrolably (sp). Now having said that we do have days/weeks even now (he's 26mths and going through one just last week) where he cries when we leave him clinging and asking for cuddles. We do the gentle approach and give him cuddles and ask would you like to go and play with x or do y. If that doesn't work we hand him over to his carer and we can usually hear him playing and talking by the time we get to the car. They pick up on so many things that we dont even realise they do and pull at our heart strings. DS loves day-care 99% of the time and every second week is asking why he can't go on my days off work ROFL. Bag on his back stood at the door in his PJ's :-)
I hope you find a solution that works for your family. It is such a personal decision and only you will know if it's the right time for the both of you.

Hugs Hansie x

[Panda74]

This is such a tough one! I was so adamant that DS wouldn't go into care until at least 9 months (so as not to jeopardise the attachment process). And I wouldn't trade a moment of the time spent at home with him BUT..the angst of putting him into care at 10 months has made me rethink things.. I think for no. 2 I will seriously consider short hours with a quality carer from about 6 months. We've just pulled DS out of FDC and he's now with Grandma 3 days a week 'recovering' from the trauma of it all! His separation anxiety is terrible and he's so jumpy - he's needs to be held every time a plane flies over!

[MantaRay]

What a tough decision Both my boys started day care young - one at 7 months and one at 8 months. Both settled in really well and I'm sure starting early helped that. I think that every child and every situation is different though. It's ok to trust your instinct.

Panda - interestingly, we have just started DS2 (now 3) in FDC rather than with grandparents and that's working much better. He did enjoy being with PIL last year, but I was really upset when I discovered he was spending most of the time with them watching TV Now he loves FDC and I know he's having lots of activities.