For ages we have been trying to work out how best to handle DD1 who is now 3. She is bright, active, talkative, imaginative etc and gee she knows how to push us. If we give just an inch, takes a mile If we give her choices she thinks she can have both, if we just say no, we get a tantrum

For example if she wants to kiss and hug her little sister we will tell her just one quick kiss and hug (she always wants to at the worst time), she will just keep on hugging her ignoring our requests stop, in the end we have to drag her off kicking and screaming. Poor DD2 is often left screaming from the experience. Yes - we do offer her hugs etc when the timing is better, but it does not stop her from pushing it every other time.

Bedtime is just awful, as some of you know it has not ever been the best, but it is really becoming an angry resentful time. We have the whole ritual thing down pat and she happily follows it most of the time, but once she is in bed for stories she thinks it is just play time and demands so many things. I am in such a dilemma of how to get her settled. If I stop reading due to her behaviour she just demands "READ!" I explain to her that I will read when she is lying down, quiet and not playing. The moment I start reading she is straight back to what she is doing. It gets to the point where I threaten to leave and normally I have to leave with her screaming at me. I have tried just reading whilst she mucks around, I only read a certain number of books and give her warnings about how many books are left before light out. The problem with that is she gets no wind down benefit from me reading and then starts demanding that I read more books. I have become less tolerant of her "READ!" demands and quickly stop all reading explaining to her that she has to ask nicely. If she keeps on demanding I leave.

I hate leaving her, but I am at a loss at what to do, everything else seems like a reward to her. It is either keep on reading or stay whilst she plays (which I hate and feel that it is her controlling me). We have tried telling her about things she can do tomorrow if she goes to sleep nicely, that sometimes works. We have tried taking things of her or threatening her with the cancellation of an activity next day. We have not tried reward charts, I am not that comfortable with the concept and struggle to work out what a reward should be. Saying that though I will try it if others have had some success with them for sleep.

I feel like a big bully standing over her, getting grumpy all the time. If we are just nice to her once during the whole process it all falls to pieces. Just talking to her about pictures in a book is enough for her to think she can muck around. I just want to cry, the sleep ritual is meant to be a nice and close time for us, not this awful thing that it has become.

NB- it was like this before DD2 arrived, so that can't be blamed for it.