Oh My GOD do i sympathise (achieving naptime took me 2 hours today ).

I find that a time limit is easier than a book limit. Don't read 3 books, read books until lights out and only read if she is lying still. Put a clock high up on her bedroom wall so she can SEE when lights out is coming.

THen if she mucks about you stop reading. When she says "READ!" you say as usual "i'll read when you're lying with me to read". If she ****es about then gets upset because she had no books at bedtime you say "I'm sorry sweetie - but look, it's lights out and you spent all the reading time playing instead. Never mind, maybe tomorrow we'll have time for books instead of playing." and leave it at that. She will chuck a MASSIVE tantrum the first few times. Then she will realise that a)lights-out is on the clock and not arbitrarily set by mummy or daddy, and b) if she messes about the only person who suffers is her.

This really works for me - "we cannot go to the park until your shoes are on, have stories until your teeth are brushed, go running until after you've napped, insert imperative and attractive motivation here!" is almost all i say these days!

One thing i have managed to do to some extent is to stop MY negative associations with tantrums. She is entitled to her feelings, and i let her express them. Her expressing them in a tantrum is developmentally appropriate and so i try not to get too involved. A tantrum is not cause for me to repent or relent or reprieve, but it's her choice if she wants to express her anger that way. I get the impression both our kids are strong-willed and very smart (DD can READ a little now!) and it's very frustrating to be like that and still have every aspect of life so tightly (and necessarily!) controlled by someone else.

Does your DD choose the stories she wants? DD gets to choose 3 stories for bedtime, so it's even more important to her that she gets to hear them, iykwim.

Best of luck hun! It's a tough stage for you all!

Bx