Help with 1yo Tantrums!

[EllyBoo72]

Is it normal for a 1yo to have tantrums (which started at 6months)???

Do you have the same prob? Could you please give me some advice on how to stop them? I know it is hard for them to communicate at this age, so they cant tell you what is wrong, but i just need to know how to deal with them, or if there is something that i should be doing in regards to how i respond to them?

Thanks

[mummy2Kaitlyn]

I cant offer any advice but I am looking forward to hearing what others say!. Kaitlyn has just started to through what I think are the beginning of tantrums!. She just lies on the floor sometimes and screams if I put her down ...or screams if I try to get her to do something she does not like!!

[Melinda]

Ooooh yes. Jacob was a tantrumer from very early on. To start with he would just growl and go stiff and red in the face, but as he grew more mobile, it increased to other things like screaching, screaming, hitting himself in the head, throwing himself on the floor, yelling, crying, hitting his head on things etc.

It's really hard to give a 'sure fire' solution, as every child is so very different in what they need. We found that when Jacob would have a tantrum, it didn't seem to take long before he would become totally hysterical and be behaving like he didn't even know why he was upset in the first place - he would frighten himself by all the freaking out he was doing IYKWIM?

We found that it was important to firstly try and look at the possible reasons/triggers for the tantrum. Key ones for us were hunger, tiredness and frustration. Jacob has always been the kind of boy who wants to do things before his time....it's like he's a bit ahead of himself sometimes and gets very upset when he can't do things the first time he tries them. We found that by paying attention to other behaviour and focussing on when he'd last had a drink or something to eat, a sleep etc, we could better gauge if this was an issue - and quite often, it was these very things. So focussing on the triggers, and trying to avoid them is important I think. We started trying to intervene if we saw Jacob starting to become frustrated by something he was trying to do, but still giving him the ability to achieve something himself, e.g. gently turning a piece of puzzle for him so that it just about fitted in the hole, and then letting him finish it off - it helps avoid a tantie, but also demonstrates how to problem solve a bit and makes him feel like he has achieved something.

Having said that, of course you need to try and find a way of helping them through the tantrum when it does happen, or working out what they respond to best. Distraction sometimes helped Jacob, i.e. removing him from whatever he was angry about and reading a book or starting a totally different activity. Sometimes we just take him out of the room altogether and sit somewhere quietly together for a few minutes until he calms down (sometimes being overwhelmed by lots of people or activity). Other times we found that by immediately picking him up the moment the tantrum started, and holding him close and giving him a cuddle and a bit of a pat calmed him down too. Leaving him to tantrum only freaked him out further and resulted in chaos.

So after all of that (sorry for the long reply!) I think it does pay to try and identify the triggers and to try a few different things to see what strategy works best for your child, be it distration, a cuddle, removal from the activity, or just letting them have it out whilst you tell them that you're there for them to have a cuddle when they calm down. I also believe that what they 'need' from you when they tantrum changes with age, just as the triggers for the tantrums change (as we have found out!).

Not sure if that has helped at all.......but you aren't alone!

[~Jo~]

I think Melinda has summed it all up so well. I have always looked for the triggers that prompted the behaviour in the first place and with one so little normally found that distraction can often stop the tantrum in its tracks.

Jo

[BellyBelly]

Here's a great article written by Pinky McKay - Tantrums - When to Say No!

[EllyBoo72]

Thank you so much for taking the time in giving such good advice. Very helpful and reassuring.
Kelly, I will read that article right now.
Thanks again.

[Debbie Lee]

Ally - Gab throws tanties all the time. She's shocking! She will even bash her head into the floor or on walls if things aren't going her way (and that's not just because we've said no... sometimes it's because a toy or an object won't do what she wants it to do... OMG, control freak or what?? LOL).
Distraction works with her sometimes. Other times she just needs a cuddle. There have been times where I have tried to comfort her but it has made things worse so I just let her be - just let her have her little tanty then try some distraction when she calms down.

Today she had a big tantrum and nothing I did helped her so I popped her in her cot for a little while (I was getting worked up so I thought that would be for the best). I only left her there for a minute until she had calmed down then we had a big cuddle.

So we're still figuring it out. Usually she is tired when she really fires up so going to bed usually fixes that up. I think sometimes it's a little bit of trial and error to see what works (even tho that can sometimes change depending on the time of day etc.).
You're not alone!

[Melinda]

Deb - we put Jacob in his cot a few times for some time out when he went really spaz and it was SERIOUSLY a bad move.....it only happened a few times, but it was a few times too many and led to Jacob having MORE sleeping problems as he became upset then every time he went into his cot - he thought he was in trouble and had done something wrong when he hadn't IYKWIM?

Just thought I'd let you know about that one! Because our playpen isn't used these days, Jacob gets a couple of minutes in there is he's naughty (we always warn him first and that's usually enough ATM but sometimes he needs to go in there to calm down a fraction and then we get him out and move onto a totally different activity)

[Debbie Lee]

Thanks for the tip, Mel.
I wasn't gonna make it a permanent thing - just needed to put her somewhere where she wouldn't hurt herself. She was going spaz!

[Melinda]

Yeah it's sooo hard to know what to do when they are having full on spack attacks sometimes!!!

I just thought I'd share with you anyway (hope you didn't think I was telling you what to do!)

[christy]

Matilda started chucking tantys at 9 months and at that time would throw herself backwards on the floor and then get up again & do it all over again. If we held her it made it worse.

I think all children react to tantrums a bit differently & its finding the tactic that works best for everyone & then going with that. I have tried a few different things now (have a look in the parent de-brief ) But honestly trial something for a few days & see how you go. It is so good to hear other parents experiences with tantrums because you can then take it home & have a go at what you want to do. Pinky's article on the main site helped us heaps in just gaining more confidence & control during the tantrum & avoiding them. Just like what Melinda said. Its often hard when they are younger & don't understand certain concepts like settling down. I found that more difficult when Matilda was younger, but its amazing how much they actually do start listening too and understanding.

[Debbie Lee]

(hope you didn't think I was telling you what to do!)

Not at all, Mel. I appreciate your advice because I know you have BTDT