Myboys, hun - I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time
It sounds like he might be going through what I found was a difficult transition of dropping a nap in the day and having just one nap a day. It's a hard time - especially if and when you combine that with developmental progress that is going on (wonder week stuff), which is what happened to us as well.
Some suggestions I can make:
Since the last few days you've mentioned he is only having one nap, it could be that the timing of this nap is really important now, if he's ready to sustain that one nap a day. You might have to trial it and see what happens if you let him have that one long day nap earlier or later. He maybe overtired by the time 7pm comes around if he's been up since 3pm, and when my DD is overtired, she will wake after one sleep cycle at night and this happened to us a lot at first when dropping to one nap. Or, alternatively, you might try and see if he has a slightly earlier nap he may be able to hold out and having a longer spell of awake time and then that may help him get past that first sleep cycle. It could also be a matter that whilst he's ready for one nap a day, 3 hours is too long in the day now to leave him sufficiently tired enough to go into a long sleep for night at bedtime. In that case, waking him a little earlier from his nap (I know they say not to wake a sleeping baby, but for me when it was a choice between big issues at bedtime and not waking up my sleeping child, I know what I chose) and helping him adjust and guiding him through the transition of balancing day sleep needs and awake time with night sleep may help too.
Alternatively, coming from a totally different angle you could try seeing if having two quite short naps in the day is what would work, or even an earlier wake up time first thing in the morning. This doesn't necessarily mean waking him up from a nap, although it could if you were comfortable with it - it could mean trying to encourage him to have a nap earlier in the day and see if he only needs a shorter nap before another awake stretch and the same again, instead of waiting until he seems tired.
These are all just suggestions, and it may well be a matter of trial and error figuring out what will work for your DS.
As your DS sounds like he is really getting stimulating by his environment at his age now, how dark is the room he is sleeping in? If he is waking up after one sleep cycle (as my DD did in our transition) having a too much light in the room might be enough for him to think that it's time to actually get up (it was actually stimulus enough to cause my DD to wake up in the first place), especially if he has have slept very deeply in that first sleep cycle, which babies will often do when they are really really tired - it's like he's waking up fairly refreshed and ready to go again. Especially if he's previously been used to having a long first nap in the day, and a shorter refreshing one in the afternoon - it might be really confusing for him. Can you make his room quite dark with blackout curtains/material?
Also, is there much noise in the house at the time he is waking? Because everything is stimulating him, he may be waking up fully when in a light sleep when he hears noise in the house, and he wants to be a part of it. It's a pest, but we have to be really careful with noise in our house at the 40min end of sleep cycle time too, as too many noises can make DD wake up fully at that time.
Is your DS close to crawling/walking? These are things that can also contribute - they often compulsively practise new physical skills and things they are learning even when overtired, and sometimes even when asleep, waking themselves up. In that case, sometimes it's a case of just riding it out, unfortunately.
It is a big transition, going to one nap and day, and it can really take some time for your DS to adjust in the amount of sleep he needs versus the amount of time he is able to be awake in a stretch (this is where a mismatch can happen that makes the transition so hard sometimes). But if you can control the environment your DS sleeps in and experiment and figure out what your DS's sleeping needs are at this transition time, you are doing all you can from a gentle parenting perspective.
Just remember that 9-12 months is prime age for sleep regression again, because there is so much development happening in those little brains, so it can be a really hard time for some babies, making it really hard time for mums, but it will pass - I promise, and I can say after 3 months of trial and error and sleeping difficulties with my DD, we seem to be coming through it now (although don't get me started on middle of the night wake-ups last night! )
I know it's a reeeeeeeally long post, but I wanted to give you some suggestions of the things we tried and found did and didn't work for us in this difficult time. I hope you are able to find something that works - I'm sure you will Really hope the info is helpful, and one thing I always tried to remember when I was struggling was that when your bub can pick up that you're stressed and anxious about him going to sleep, he is more likely not to remain calm and sleepy too.
Thanks so much for all your ideas. In the moment i stuggle sometimes and i wish i could relax a bit and just go with him. I have my ideas.. he has his.. there has to me a happy medium somehow.
Today his big brother is at day care so he has my undivided attention and i'm going to play with him, give him lots of hugs and kisses and just see where the day takes us. I'm feeling a bit guilty and feel like i owe him. I'm hoping things will sort themselves out soon
)
Really hope the info is helpful, and one thing I always tried to remember when I was struggling was that when your bub can pick up that you're stressed and anxious about him going to sleep, he is more likely not to remain calm and sleepy too.
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