My DD doesn't do this now, but when she did I would say 'We don't hit, that hurts Mummy, I want you to say you're sorry now'. I would get down on her level and look her in the eye. Once they get the message that it is the wrong thing to do, getting eye contact can be more difficult! But I think I am reinforcing the message that this is not the way to respond if we're cross. As they get a bit more capable of listening, telling her that she doesn't like it when [a friend - use their name] hits her, does she? I try simple explanations.
I think as long as you continue to reinforce it, the message gets across. They are still learning to control their emotions and will still slip up for quite a while.
If a toy is involved (throwing, hitting with the toy) I tell DD that if she is not going to play nicely with that toy, then Mummy has to take it off her and put it away. And I do if I need to, every time. I don't have to do that very often! One warning is generally enough.
I think doing anything physical back to them is completely the wrong message (and certainly not gentle parenting). You are as an adult then lashing out at them and expect a toddler not to do it! All that says to me is, you're not allowed to do it, but Mummy/Daddy can.
Just to make all those who are posting aware: suggestions of hitting/pinching/biting your child (or any variations of that) to teach them not to hit goes against the ethos of gentle parenting.
It is therefore not appropriate to suggest these methods of discipline to a poster who has posted in the gentle parenting section looking for advice. I appreciate that in some cases, this may have been done with tongue in cheek, but that doesn't always translate over the internet, and you need to be aware that a new mum may be reading and taking it seriously.
If anyone has any issue with this, please feel free to PM me.
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