How do you deal with other ppls parenting?

[Pandora]

Rahjah
To me it sounds like they are the ones being judgemental of your parenting.

From their side of the fence, they probably feel exactly the same way as you do (well they obviusly do as they said it to you), and would therefore feel just as judged. As above, we're all doing whats right for us.

I think the only situation in which I think I would not be able to restrain myself from intervening is if I felt they were doing something that was putting the childs safety at risk.

I do find that it matter what aspect of how we parents DS it is, theres someone who questions it, tells me its wrong etc. And I always think to myself ' think what you like, but why the need to tell me?'. They know they wont change my mind.

You dont have to sit through their choices if you dont want to, though it may mean losing that friendship. Do you want to keep it? It comes down to whats important to you.

[C~Q]

Awww, that must have been really hard for you hon I think you did the right thing by not saying anything though. ANd who knows, maybe they were leaving the bub so long because they felt they might be judged by the others at the dinner party? I'm not saying that makes it a good decision (sp?) but it could be why. I know whenever my family come to Aus for a holiday they always tell me I shouldn't still be getting up for DD throughout the night and should be leaving her to cry. Perhaps they thought the same?

[Lucy]

It's a tough one for sure.

Within our circle of friends we have a wide variety of parenting styles.

I am fairly upfront about how we are with our kids, to the point where I purposefully "take the mickey" out of myself in front of friends in order to let them know that I am totally comfortable with my style, regardless of what they think, so there is not much point in them ever trying to change me!

For example, if friends come to dinner, I always preface the invitation with somethin like "As long as you remember I am the orginal hippy baby wearing Mummy, so I am likely to have a baby on my hip as I dish up dinner" ie so they KNOW I know our styles are different.

Not sure if that helps any?

[Snowy Love]

I can so relate - I was almost in tears at the shops the other day listening to a baby cry & the mother saying to her "Cry all you want I'm not going to pick you up". I wanted to go and offer to pick her up, 'cause (it sounded to me) all she wanted was to be reassured that someone was there for her. (I also wanted to find The Science of Parenting and give it to the mum telling her that the baby wasn't trying to manipulate her). I left the shop rather than do either of those things.

[Rouge]

I love Lucy's approach, I do a similar thing. It is hard when styles differ, but the reality is its more likely than not. Just like all things everyone is different. I have been in the situation of a crying baby before and whilst it was hard, and it was, I managed and I'm sure you will too.

[Bathsheba]

It feels good to vent hey Rah? Rest assured i would have felt the same way. I have to admit to trying to be a bit sneaky. When that kind of thing happens i try to address the issue from another angle. I might start talking about a "really good book I've been reading lately" and mention the Science of Parenting. I'd mention a few things in the book that I think might appeal to them and pray like anything that they actually go out and buy the book!!! Because it contains the best info on what leaving a newborn left to cry can do to them!

I agree with the other girls, it's good you didn't preach. But try to find a gentle way of sharing the info that you know.

To answer your original question; YES! some parenting styles bug me immensely to the point of it affecting the friendship. Most recently I had a Kinder friend (4yo son and his mum) over to visit. The boy ran amok and the mum said nothing to dissuade him. As we were saying good bye the child made his arm into a "rifle" and pulled a "trigger" with his other hand and "shot" me in the face. I chose to ignore it but his mum said "That's a funny way to say Good-Bye" and smiled at him. Um, err, that almost sealed the deal with me. My 4yo son never role plays shooting people and he's not going to start now. I wouldn't have minded if the mum had said "hey, we shoot targets not people"... grrrr (yep, I think this is judgemental too... but it's hard to avoid hey?)

[Pretty Butterfly]

Wow, you guys are so nice!!! I honestly think I would of left in tears. I HATE babies being left to cry, esp newborns. I would of been a mess.

I am an emotional person, and hearing that for too long would of just been the end of me...I probably wouldn't of said anything, but I wear my heart on my sleeve, and they would know I was upset...You done well honey, I would of crumbled!!!

[Tanya]

There's a lady at playgroup who always YELLS!! at her kids... "GET HERE!!"... or "are you sooking?... yu sook" (this was to the youngest of her two). Her kids are about 4 and 18mo... I have said something under my breath, loud enough for others to hear... and I saw a couple of the mums who she doesn't sit with look very shocked... I don't think it will be long and I will let something audible out!!

As for the 6wo... maybe you should have said..."awww he's awake... I NEED a nurse!!"

Very tough