Music teacher says my 2.5 year old HAS to sit on them

[ms_fluffy]

Thanks so much for your replies. It helps to know that I'm not being overly sensitive or protective.

Will try to respond to some specific comments later, but in the meanwhile, spot on, that I don't want to over-ride her natural sense of caution towards new people. Also if they are too inflexible to accomodate a simple request to allow DD time to adjust, then this is not the right class for us.

I've decided to ask to join a different class, and if this is denied I'll ask for a refund, explaining why I don't wish to continue in the existing class. Will keep you posted. Thanks once again!

[~Debbie~]

i hope they let you swap, and/or get a refund.
i fully agree with the others, at this age (and all ages really) music is meant to be fun, and to be told that she is not doing something correctly, and it will form bad habits for later, well, shes only 2.5yrs old. Shes to little to understand.
I am very big on the touching thing, and would never ever have Aiden sit on a strangers lap if he didnt feel comfortable. I would just also be generally uncomfortable in myself in him sitting on a strangers lap, when i didnt think it was necessary.

[Jas]

Ok I can see a lot of things wrong with this and no I certainly don't think this is right.

The major issue I have with this is that I don't believe any child should be FORCED to sit on someone's lap or have other physical contact when they don't want to, this may sound over the top and I'm certainly not saying these instructors are pedophiles etc but I think that forcing a child into physical contact with an adult is a really bad move in this day and age and I would much prefer to have a child who refused such contact then a child who thinks they have to do it because the adult says so iykwim?

Also I was a dancer for almost 20years and taught for 5years and had my own dance school anyway we used to have little kids that "didn't do what they were meant to with the right technique" and sometimes were in their own little worlds (not saying this is what your dd is doing) but I was fine with that as long as the parents were happy with it and the kids were having fun!

I think when you are paying for the service its up to you and not for the instructor to say how your dd must do it. She is 2.5 is she really going to get the "correct technique"?? what the?? I would go somewhere else just on the basis that you are the parent not them and I think it's very very rude to try to overide what you are happy with and try to tell you how it's going to be. So basically they are saying if you don't force your child to sit in their laps they won't let her play the instruments like you are paying for!

I would also complain to the lady that started the program, she may be unaware this is going on, any chance you could go to a class run by her?

[Toomanytoomany]

No child should EVER be forced to have physical contact with someone who does not have a vital function to perform such as medical examinations or bottom changing.

As a matter of safety and physical confidence, imo children should have autonomy over who gets to touch them, and whether or not they will engage in touching. It's key, imo, to teaching personal safety and boundaries, and is particularly important for girls. A "no" to physical contact should be respected from the earliest age when practical.

Insisting on a child sitting in a lap is entirely and utterly inappropriate for any age group. I'm horrified, to be honest. I'm trying to imagine what would happen to my dh (who is a priest) if he insisted on children sitting on his lap to learn the correct pose for prayer...

At the age of two, it strikes me that some wooden spoons and upturned saucepans would be as useful a conduit for self expression, to be honest!