Pinky's blogs today

[wysiwyg]

I also think is different because is a blog post it isn't like when giving a speech etc where you can get carried away and not be able to go back and change it. She wrote it and then pressed publish no doubt having reread what she had written. I can't believe the approach just happened like that - write it maybe but then don't publish it - I have written forum posts many times which have then just not submitted as am sure many people on here have - and I don't have to think about brand preservation, public image etc etc. She wants her approach to be mainstream right? That piece written like that is not the way to go about it - however if you want to solidify your following maybe it works judging by the "Go Pinky " stuff have seen on social media.

[meow]

You know, I don't think she minds if she has made people feel guilty. That's the point- leaving your baby to cry because they haven't slept 12 hours yet, or were fed three hours ago is crap. And it's time we said so. Those babies deserve more.

It's ludicrous that people need to even ask her why their baby is crying when they're withholding food or not responding to them. It's as simple as feeding them or picking them up! If they want to follow that route then they are best to write to Tizzy or whoever they got the plan from that they're following and ask why it's not working. To the people that ARE trying to feed their children when they're hungry or picking them up when they cry and are becoming overwhelmed or it's not working out then I know Pinky has all the time in the world to try and help. She's not saying you have to be a martyr to parenthood but just have some basic commonsense and compassion for your baby.

[Floweryfields]

Meow, that's the point though. It might be ludicrous to you and me, but there are new parents who just don't get it. Not everyone is born a natural mother, their baby doesn't just come out and they know exactly what to do, gosh I've seen people in my time that don't seem to understand that when it gets cold, you need to put warm clothes on your baby or that donuts and chocolate aren't suitable everyday lunch food for their children.
Rants like Pinkys are not going to make those people change, it's going to make some of them wish they never asked because clearly they are such idiots.

[myturn]

As ausgirl said, that's the point.

If she was trying to make people feel guilty that's disrespectful and hurtful just as much, as a helping professional it's her job to build up and encourage and motivate. What might seem like common sense to one person is totally new to another. It's like she is asking parents to use common sense and treat babies with love and respect, but she is not doing the same thing herself when dealing with parents - yes they are not babies, but the whole point is to treat 'people' with love and care etc etc etc whether babies, children, teens, adults or the elderly...

But the good thing is that we are entitled to have different opinions, and I can see why she did it and the benefits. If it was me, I wouldn't in my professional blog if I was her. We need people of different persuasions to talk about what they think works though, as there is no one size fits all and we have to make sure we talk about things - otherwise we get stale and just continue doing what was done, without thought... That's how we ended up with some of the 'unhelpful' parenting parenting practices in the first place.

[Doing my best]

I think it totally unprofessional!

What about the poor new mum who knows nothing about parenting, is listening to the 'older' school who used controlled crying, fed by the clock, put baby in a different room?

I was that Mum. I didn't sit on the internet researching how to be a good parent. I didn't even know what parenting forums were, or even that people wrote books on how to 'raise' children. I was 27, so definitely not young, but very niave, when I fell pregnant, worked till 36 weeks, bought everything I was told I needed, had my DD at 38.5 weeks.. I had been around newborns for a few hrs tops at one time. I didn't know they cried all night, I didn't know they fed when hungry, not every few hrs.. So of course I listened to my parents. Why wouldn't I? I have known them forever, and someone who writes a book on parenting is a stranger.. Thankfully DH and I did realise that it didn't feel right and changed. We demand fed, we co-slept, same room, different beds, had lots and lots of cuddles, but had I read something like that at that time of my life, I don't think I would've taken it very well.

And I am sure there are still plenty of new mums who don't sit around and research before hand, and may stumble across that blog at a low stage of their parenting.

[meow]

But the whole point is you don't need to research. Your baby is crying and that bothers you? Pick them up! Feed them! Surely we don't need experts to tell us that. Your instincts tell you that. If your instincts are off and don't tell you that, then you wont be bothered by the crying either, which is clearly not happening if you're one of the people asking what's up.

[myturn]

I think you are making an assumption that everyone has the same instincts that you do - we are all different, not everything comes as naturally to some people - yes they might be bothered by it, but their instinct might be different - and that's confusing.

But we are not going to 'convince' each other we will just have to agree to disagree.

[Chocaholic]

Your instincts tell you that. If your instincts are off and don't tell you that, then you wont be bothered by the crying either, which is clearly not happening if you're one of the people asking what's up.

Sorry but my instincts did not tell me to pick up my kids. Mine were to consider and decide what was wrong first without touching them. I am not a tactile person, even with children, so immediately touching them was a difficult concept for me. Of course, once I started (after being told to by my grandmother who stayed with me for the first few weeks to help me get "settled"), it became obvious with their reactions that it was what they wanted. How long would I have taken to figure it out myself? Would I have figured it out once I got into a habit?

I can understand that your instincts are different to mine and I wish I had yours but I did have to research and listen to others to train myself to be a gentle parent. Luckily my grandmother was into "gentle parenting" herself so could guide me. My mother was a bit different in CIO was normal for her. Both had valid points and I have taken information from both.

I am envious of people who seem to naturally be a nuturing, gentle parent. I relished being around people who could guide me but they were also gentle with me as I had no idea.

[BellyBelly]

I wonder if people's 'love language' comes into play with parenting... What they know they know as love - based on upbringings.

[Beach Mama]

It's definitely not as simple as baby is crying pick them up, especially if they have been crying almost non stop for hours at a time, or if you haven't had more than a 1 -2 hrs block of sleep in months and are literally at breaking point or if you are hearing of others around you (your village) that their babies are sleeping for 4/5/8 etc hours a night so what is wrong with my hourly waking baby???

I dunno, I still find it hugely patronising and offensive to anyone who might dare to ask the questions for help that she has built her whole reputation and business upon. Tired of getting asked the same questions? Might be time for a break or change in jobs.

[meow]

It's definitely not as simple as baby is crying pick them up, especially if they have been crying almost non stop for hours at a time, or if you haven't had more than a 1 -2 hrs block of sleep in months and are literally at breaking point or if you are hearing of others around you (your village) that their babies are sleeping for 4/5/8 etc hours a night so what is wrong with my hourly waking baby???

Did you read the blog post? She wasn't referring to those situations.

I find this whole conversation baffling.

[BellyBelly]

My first was like that. My ex husband was hardly home so I was a depressed wreck. Slept loads better when I gave up trying to force her to sleep alone and I started co-sleeping. Second was 50/50. This time I am so much more relaxed and rested slinging and co-sleeping from the start. I know its not everyone's cup of tea though. We're all different with different life situations, philosophies etc.

[Beach Mama]

Yes I read both a number of times Meow, was referring to your post in my post actually in my first paragraph, in regards to you thinking its ludicrous that people dare ask these questions, second paragraph was aimed at the blog.

How does she discriminate from "legitimate" questioners and "tamers" ? There are always going to be trolls and Tizzy/Gina fans asking her questions but I'm not sure this post was aimed at them.

[Doing my best]

But the whole point is you don't need to research. Your baby is crying and that bothers you? Pick them up! Feed them! Surely we don't need experts to tell us that. Your instincts tell you that. If your instincts are off and don't tell you that, then you wont be bothered by the crying either, which is clearly not happening if you're one of the people asking what's up.

No we don't need experts to tell us that.. But when your baby cries, you pick it up, it still cries.. You don't pick it up it cries.. But when the advice of a stranger who is also swearing at you telling you how dumb you are, or the advice of a well meaning family member conflicts.. I think the advice of the family member will win..

[Frangipani Lou]

Well I can say one thing about the blog... It's sure created some interesting discussion.

[Heaven]

I really believe that I am only a gentle parent because I am the type of person who researches everything. If I didn't find bellybelly before I got pregnant it would have been different. Why would I not listen to my Mum who has raised 4 children, who I trust and who used CIO like the rest of my family? That is my 'normal'. Would I really have stopped to think 'hang on a second here, my baby thinks it's in the stone ages and wants to be near me so it doesn't get eaten by animals!' Err... no flipping way would that have entered my head. I would have just thought my baby was manipulating me like I'd been told by everyone I trusted. And I do not believe that would have made me 'stupid', thanks Pinky.

I think she has lost touch with what it's like to be a sleep deprived first time Mum. None of what she said applied to me. I am probably a perfect 'cuddler' in her books. But I have no illusions of perfection, nor do I feel superior to mothers who do things differently than I do.

Whatever happened to 'if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all'? She doesn't have to respond to emails if she thinks they're 'stupid'.

[Trillian]

But the whole point is you don't need to research. Your baby is crying and that bothers you? Pick them up! Feed them! Surely we don't need experts to tell us that. Your instincts tell you that. If your instincts are off and don't tell you that, then you wont be bothered by the crying either, which is clearly not happening if you're one of the people asking what's up.

I think you are coming from a very privileged position on this one and probably even a little bit smug. Think about it for a minute. Most women give birth in artificial environments, hell even their birth is artificial most of the time in that most of the natural process is stripped away by medical intervention. Women become disengaged from their babies from the minute they are born - no skin to skin, baby taken away after having only a short time with them because 'you need some sleep. we'll look after baby for you', babies not rooming in with mothers during the hospital stay, hordes of visitors that all interfere with the bonding process, 10 different midwives telling you you're doing it 'rong, well meaning (though often misguided) friends and family members telling you do do it their way. Is it any wonder that some parents don't have a clue? This systemic stripping away of instinct by all these acts has created this situation.

How many women have you read about on this forum alone that have that internal struggle where they want to pick their baby up, but other people are telling them NO, it won't 'hurt' them to leave them cry? Unsupportive husbands, family, friends, HEALTH PROFESSIONALS! They all contribute to this mess. They aren't unaffected by what's going on, they just don't know how to stand up and say NO, it's not right to let them cry. And when they finally do get the courage to stand up and find a better way, they get told they are dipsticks?

Pinky makes her money off the desperation of parents just like the 'tamers' do. Yeah sure, her way is hell of a lot better, but she still makes money off these people! You just can't be in the position she's in and slag off in such a highly public way. I have read over both her blog posts and I don't think she's sincere in her apology - because she doesn't make one.

[Jellyfish]

How do you ever know if something is instinct or conditioning? By the time you become a parent you have had 20+ years being bombarded with conflicting messages from a billion different directions, many you respect and trust. This then snowballs faster through pregnancy and the transition into motherhood as everyone starts adding in their truths. Of course people are going to be lost and confused. Of course people are going to turn to 'expert' sources to verify their directions. Of course some will be led down the wrong path. Of course they might not even realise. They dont deserve judgement but understanding and help, especially if they reach out regardless of how misinformed their current position is. The only truly lost in life are those who stop asking questions. If Pinky wants to be frustrated it isnt parents who should be the subject of it but those who perpetuate these ridiculous ideals of how a baby should be. Not out of ignorance but from a business perspective. The new parents are just trying to do the best they can with what theyve been given.

The whole thing just seems to be aimed in the wrong direction. Each new parent is a new case and should be treated as such rather than lumped into this 'annoyance pile' based on the actions of those who came before them. It is like a kindy teacher getting annoyed having to answer why the sky is blue because so many ****ing children have asked me that, when will they just ****ing get it? A new parent is a learner in the same way a kindy child is, questions should be expected as they grow into the position!