wow. i feel so heard and understood. all your advice and kind words has already helpedl, as i feel like i have some tools for deterrence and resolution now, and it is not a lost cause if it happens, but an opportunity to change my behaviour and to model problem resolution. i love the concept "its ok to feel angry but never ok to yell in someone's face". I am amazed that it is our children that teach us this... indirectly and with the help of supportive friends. thank you everyone!