OK, I'm not talking about any one specific thing here. Usually we explain why we have certain rules and he keeps to them. Eg, we don't throw the furniature around because it could hurt peolple or break things. We also try to minimise the number of rules by allowing him to do things he wants to whenever possible. Like he kept wanting to play with scissors, so we bought him his own scissors, and he can cut up old catalogues as long as he's sitting down with an adult present. We have also taught him the phrase "not negotiable" which we apply to things that we have to do for safety, eg keeping his carseat harness on and holding hands when we cross the road, so he doesn't resist those things.

The main problem we have is when he gets into a defiant mood. He knows perfectly well what he should be doing/not doing but just keeps misbehaving for the sake of it, or to see what mum and dad will do, or whatever. It's like he suddenly decides to rampage around the house looking for trouble and doing everything he can think of that he's not meant to do. If you ask him to come, or go somewhere he'll run off in the opposite direction to see whether we will chase him. I suspect it's partly to get attention, and partly to see how much power he can have over us. We do try to use consequences, but a lot of the things he does don't really have natural consequenses (or ones that he would care about). Eg if he stands there opening and slamming shut a cupboard door repeatedly for 10 minutes, the door hinge might wear out, and my temper might wear out, but what could be the consequence for him?