Trying to find a gentle solution - incessant stalling, requests, grizzles at bedtime

[Santosha]

DD turns 2 tomorrow! So proud of her, she's a clever little cookie and cute as anything.

Trouble with being clever...? She's got us figured out already! She happily goes to bed and seems to really enjoy the routine. Once she's in bed though, she starts making requests. "Need the toilet" (she usually does go when we take her, I swear she saves her poo till after bed time), "too hot, sleeping bag off", "tummy sore" "gums sore", "need the door open", "feeling sad, need a big cuddle"... she's worked out which requests are most likely to get an active response (I don't really want to leave her busting for the loo or feeling too hot) and will play every card she's got and then some. Increasingly we're up and down to her room ever few minutes for about an hour and occasionally it will take her up to 2 hours to finally let go. Right now I can hear her calling out 'not want this blanket on. Want a different blanket on Mum!".

If I firmly say "no, you've finished toilet and had cuddles, it's time to sleep", the requests escalate until she becomes distressed. If I ignore it, same thing. I've never been one to let her cry, but through the day, I've got no qualms about saying a clear no and helping her work through her frustration. It's just a different scenario at night and I'm confused as to how to balance her need for reassurance and to have other needs heard (such as when she really does need to poo), and not reinforcing what is clearly just becoming problematic for all of us.

Phew... sorry, rambly and inarticulate tonight. KWIM?! Suggestions for how to gently manage this one?

[wysiwyg]

Is she in a bed already or cot?

DD we have found so much easier since is in a bed - she has some stalling tactics (needing to kiss cuddle daddy twice, needing some toy etc) but in generally she accepts that one of us lays down with her (benefit of full size single) reads three books and then is lights off. I think the difference is because she is in the bed laying down for the stories (rather than when she was in cot, stories were in the chair in her room then put into cot) she relaxes more and gets all snuggly in the bed and starts heading towards sleep (for DH sometimes she chucks him out after two stories - never me - I must be the better story teller :-)). As is in a bed is already in control of the blankets.

[Olive]

oohhhh we've just been through all this its tough, i found trying to sort the potential issues before i leave the room, then not pandering to her after lights out (except the toilet one, not thats that an issue her..yet) so she chooses her blanket at bedtime, suit on or off (and stays on or off) etc etc.. the only thing that stopped teh stalling for us, was to as of yesterday, dropping the day sleep...shes out like a light

[Santosha]

Oh NOOOOO. I'll take the stalling over dropping the day-sleep Olive! She was a volatile wreck by 5pm today even with a good 1.5 hr nap in her! I'll try to anticipate all possible requests before lights out and then make it clear that it's staying that way. As you said, the toilet's the tricky one. Twice tonight she's yelped "oh no! Poo is coming out!!!!"... only to be taken and force out a little pebble just so she can show me... 'see? poo coming out!'. Ugggggghhhh!

Vic, she's in the cot but gets her big bed for her birthday tomorrow. I'm glad to hear it's worked out better for you. As this has been increasing, I've been worried that it will be even worse once she's in the big bed as then getting up and coming out can be part of the tactic. I do think it will help to have her settling down time in bed though. We too bought a king single as we're both giants so there'll be plenty of room for snuggles!

[Santosha]

Double post. Twice the rambling!

[MummyNaomi]

Yep, I am with Vic on this one re a bed, we have a similar positive response and Bailz is in a bed too, we (usually me) lays with him until he falls asleep, and as we lay down and read, turn the light off but leave a night light on, then cuddle for about 5-10 minutes, we find that Bailz knows we mean business. I did go through a faze with him a month or so back where it was taking a good half an hour to wind down after the lights were out, but since DLS ended and its nice and dark, it seems to be working. Bailz will ask for book after book to be read if it were up to him, so we tell him how many books his gets (usually 3) and then turn off the lights. One thing I find that works though, if I lay with him and just pretend to be asleep myself, he usually gives up and just goes to sleep, sometimes however my pretending results in me actually falling asleep and waking some time later

What is your routine prior to hitting the bedroom K? Eg bath? How long before bedtime is dinner etc etc? Perhaps the wind down needs to start earlier as part of those routines?

And Yep, I agree, she IS super cute

[Olive]

lol at dropping the sleep!
we also found not talking to her when she requested stuff helped abit

[wysiwyg]

Hope the big bed goes well then! DD has never got out of her bed at bedtime (twice she has in morning and have heard her knocking on door) there isn't a rail or anything she could quite easily but chooses not to. Oh DD likes to have a book to hold (often she puts it over her face to go to sleep) seems she thinks she is still reading then.

[MummyNaomi]

Oh DD likes to have a book to hold (often she puts it over her face to go to sleep) seems she thinks she is still reading then.

I have a mental picture, how adorable and hilarious at the same time!!!