I have been thinking a lot about the idea of gentle parenting, and keep wondering why it is separate to "normal" parenting. Is it the actions or the intention that is different?
For me, I am just doing what feels right...cosleeping (side care), cloth nappies, baby wearing etc. But then again, I have used some sleep training, had DD vaxinated and I love using the pram.
I guess it means having respect for the baby/child and taking into consideration the effects of my decisions on them.
I don't smack my child 'cause I don't want to teach him that violence is acceptable (plus I don't think it works to teach him anything). I respond to him when he cries, because I don't want him to think his concerns don't matter - that doesn't mean he gets something just 'cause he cries, but I'll say I understand that you're upset because I said you couldn't have/do that, but you can't for whatever reason.
Anna - I think of it more as instinctive parenting as opposed to gentle or natural parenting. Both gentle, natural and attatchment parenting styles have their "criteria" where as instinctive parenting is doing what feels right for your family. We borrow lots of ideas from all the schools of parenting but ultimately it is our style of parenting in the end as we pick and choose what we want.
Having said all that in answer to your original question gentle parenting is calm and gentle, it is considerate of everyones feelings including babies which means they have the right to express themselves if they want to cry infrustration but not to cry because their basic human need for comfort and attention aren't being met. It also mean clear and firm guidelines and discipline with explations and consequense that suit the behaviour rather than smacking, screaming and things like that.
I really like that idea of "instinctive" parenting. It is much more individualised just by definition. I suppose it is the criteria of AP and GP that get me wondering.
My SIL is very into Attachment Parenting (AP) and I suppose I was struggling to see where I fit in...
Parenting with respect, treating my chidren like equal human beings who need love and guidance.
DS1 co-slept, breastfed 2.5 years, cloth nappies, whereas DS2 cot sleeps, formula from 6 months, disposable nappies, but i parent both with a gentle manner. Its not about the logistics (ie, bottle or breast, cot or bed) its how you best meet the needs of your children, treating them with respect.
Last edited by Matryoshka; May 25th, 2009 at 12:57 AM.
For me it is about recognising the basic humanity and rights of my children, from birth, and facilitating the meeting of their needs and wants. It is about doing things the optimum way rather than the fastest or easiest way at the time. It's about being thoughtful in my approach and having a reason for everything i do or refuse to do.
Most of all it's about being honest with MYSELF about my own failings and working each day to address them. I see my child's happiness and behaviour as a direct reflection on my abilities and efforts.
For me not hitting people (small or large) is a given. I do not expect DD to tolerate behaviour from me that DH would not. The logistics are on the side for me too - i BF, cloth nappied and co-slept while circumstances allowed but when they no longer allowed my approach to DD, from my heart, did not change. The milk in the bottle was given with as much love as the milk from my (now sadly empty) breasts - i gave the bottles skin-to-skin to maintain that element for us both too. The disposable nappies i used when she had outgrown the cloth ones i couldn't afford to replace were my only option at the time, that is not to say i stopped caring, i simply did what i could.
I personally have respect for ANY parent who can explain logically why they do what they do. I am interested in any valid argument even if they go against what i feel.
Mosty gentle parenting for me is about respect, respect for who my children will become, if i am patient enough to love them and let them grow without imposing myself too much on them without cause. Gentle parenting is thoughtful, mindful, conscious parenting.
at this point in time gentle parenting is about having zero sleep - lol!
seriously, for me it's about listening to my baby and following his lead about what he needs at that moment. it's about following my heart, not a book. it's about getting back to basics - feeding, holding, loving my baby so that he grows up feeling secure and confident. it's about putting my own needs aside sometimes (a lot!). it's about creating a bond between me, DH and DS. most of all, it's about making choices in my parenting that i won't regret. i am 100% confident that my parenting style is not harming my baby or me. to me, it's the most natural way of raising a child.
What does gentle parenting mean to you?
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