Why do we say nothing? Please don't think I'm having a go at you here, but we really need to drop the mentality of not causing embarrassment by biting our tongues. Not ok. Turning a blind eye never helped anyone. Ever.
Would I have gone troppo? Absolutely not. I probably would have grabbed the book mid air and said hey, we're in church they are just as welcome as we are. Then I probably would have went to the leader of the church and talked about getting some help for them. Not to shame them but to help them. People don't openly parent their kids this way because they are monsters. It's because they don't have the tools. And yes some people are naive. But I have seen people like this grow and change with a little kindness and education. Saying nothing and flying off your handle at ignorance are equally as unhelpful.
Oh my gosh. I could not have stopped myself from taking the book and telling him I thought it inappropriate if I saw that.
I agree that there are times when a parent has been pushed to the limit and is rougher with their child than usual. You can usually tell that it's not an ongoing, normal thing. But this? To calmly and repeatedly beat babies on the head with a book and drag them around when they understandably scream and cry? Child abuse imo.
In situations like this, I think it needs to be stopped. Those babies can't stand up for themselves, their father is beating them and seems to think it's ok and normal. The mother apparently does nothing about it. If someone doesn't stand up for them, who will? Just because it's other people's right to parent how they like and they're not all as gentle as me, I think this goes way too far and I could not just dismiss it as "His child, his right to discipline (beat) how he sees fit".
Sure, maybe you don't want to have a fit right there and it's probably not a good idea to have a go at him, but stopping it calmly and letting him know it's not on might have worked, and I think you're right in going to someone within the congregation for help for them. Maybe he just needs to be shown that there are other ways? And that it's perfectly normal for a child not to stay exactly on a rug at that age? Maybe his expectations of them are to high.
Actually you should have been in the PERFECT place to have a go at this immoral man who thinks this is OK. In a truly supportive christian church community you would have had the support and back-up of the whole congregation. In a good church you would also find there would be several men who are also fathers who would support this poor man to improve his skills and who would reduce his embarressment by handling the situation with him in an appropriately masculine but caring way for both the parents and the children.
I can't believe this abusive behaviour was not seen by others. Sure they didn't see him hit the little babies but he must have been seen when he dragged them out when they were crying.
Possibly he is being "forced" to go to church and this is part of his trying to avoid attending.........a host of things would be happening behind the scenes for this to be what is seen in public.
Why ON EARTH would you not tell your pastoral team the name of the man..........are you scared of the impact on you?
They need the full information to protect those poor little kids and probably their silent mum too!
I agree with the other poster who said about if it was in a play group/childcare setting. I know educators/medical practioners have mandatory reporting, but I'm not sure about others.
If it were me, I would definitely talk to the pastor/priest/minister of the church. He/she may know the family and their circumstance. I would also keep an eye on them.
May be a bit over the top, but I remember reading about this case in brisbane called Baby Brennan. The child was reported after being admitted to hospital, but the mother took her home and the child passed away from subsequent injuries from the mothers BF. I just wonder if more people had reported these people, it may not have got to that stage.
Maybe these parents are good people and don't usually mistreat their children, but it really should be monitored. Even though you are not a parent, you still have a duty at a concerned citizen..
I agree that something needs to be said. I don't think it's at all the kind of thing you can walk away from altogether. But I don't know if saying something right then & there to this man, not just in public but in church, would really be constructive. From the viewpoint of helping the kids, the family unit, i think it would be better off to approach the pastor. Presumably he holds a position of respect & authority with this man and (hopefully) would have some influence.
Or maybe you could take him aside after church and have a word? How about his wife? Could you gauge how she felt about his actions? I'd be curious to know if she supported this type of 'discipline'.
If I saw it happening again... I'd probably be calling DOCS. I don't know if that's OTT or not... but surely so is hitting a child on the head with a book.
I would definitely take action. It is our responsibility as a community to protect children.
Yes, perhaps speak to the pastor - depending on his/her interpretation of the Bible s/he may view this type of discipline as acceptable.
I would call DOCS, at least for some advice on how to proceed. I'm saying this coming from a background working in child protection. As others have said, worse behaviour may be going on behind closed doors. The kids' reactions also seems concerning.
I'd ask yourself - would you feel worse 'doing' something and finding out that there was no abuse going on or doing nothing and realising the kids were being abused?
I feel it is always better to er on the side of caution when it comes to protecting our precious children.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks