When did we stop trusting ourselves???

[boomba]

This may not make sense ....

But I was thinging the other day, why dont we trust ourselves and our bodues anymore..like wiht birth, breast feeding and being a parent in general?

Why do we "allow" Certain books and peole make us feel like we are not doing the right thing...especailly books written by people who dont have children, and no emotional connection to your child........they dont care how you feel afterward or during "training" etc they just want the money?

ALso why do put so much stress on sleep? Like we are going to spoil our babies by loving them? I never understood the whole CIO or CC when as an adult you can be cuddled to sleep and its perfectly ok yet for a baby to be loved and cuddled it is seen as spoiling or making a rod for your back.


Spose my rambling is why we cant trust our hearts and bodies to be the best parent and do the things that feel right and not worry about some crazy routine we have read in a abook by some woamn who clearly has no understanding of the humnan brain.


I have posted it in the gentle parenting section cause i beleive you have to do whats right as long as it is an educated descion...this isnt a thred about our parenting ways just a question as to why we go against all instincts and what our heart and body is telling us just cause of a book? Why are our instincts burried and why dont we listen to them?

Sorry hope you kinda get what I am saying...I am not very good at being smart lol

[widdly]

why indeed.

Maybe we stopped trusting ourselves when other started criticising our parenting and telling us how we should be doing things.

Maybe we stopped trusting ourselves cause health professionals told us we were doing it wrong and each told us their own way of doing things is better.

Maybe we stopped trusting ourselves cause during pregnancy we are given a Bounty Bag that is full of advertising and magazines telling us the 'right' way to do things.

Maybe we stopped trusting ourselves cause there is just too much parenting information out there and it confuses us all.

[~*Kat*~]

I am guessing its a sign of the times
In every aspect of our lives (not just parenting) we are told whats right and wrong by parents as we grow up but then we r so influenced by lots of other things as well
So its very hard on us to make chioces between what we think is right and what socitiy tells us is right

[boomba]

Very true Widdly and got1want1more......its sad though isnt...all this information shoved down our throats and we begin to second guess ourselves....when she should be supporting parents and mums whenever we can!

[briggsy's girl]

i agree with the other ladies - we're so often told what a baby should be doing at a certain age, what we should be doing with/for them. so much comparison, so much "advice" from people that may not have had a child in their care for many years (if ever).

i have been lucky - i have books i could read - but i've chosen not to as i trust my baby to tell me what she needs. the only book i've read is the wonder weeks - and that is for interest and to help others more than anything. i have a fantastic MCHN (the regular one) - she doesnt' say that a bubba should be doing x y and z - she asks if you have concerns and can she help you. i grew up in a house where kids were looked after all the time (FDC) and i observed different developmental rates in the kidlets.

i think as a society we need to encourage people to embrace instinct again. it's frowned upon in so many aspects of our lives and we tend to feel that most on our parenting journey. even sites like BB, as supportive as it is - it can make you doubt yourself - when you hear that your baby buddies are sleeping through, they've started solids, are crawling well before your bubba - it can do your head in! i guess it comes down to how you take it all in. i have tried (and sometimes failed i'll admit) to think of DD as an individual in her own right. if someone is stressing and i can use my experience to help them, i share - but i tend to preface everything with "every child is different" (or every pregnancy/experience etc).

[Arcadia]

Great thread!

I agree BG that society in general quashes instinct. I blame capitalism in part, because when someone needs to work, they don't have the time/space to just listen to a baby...the baby needs to listen to them, be in a good routine and be sleeping through the night!! Also, in a society which relies on metrics, such as money, or posessions, (or 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep lol) there is little space for the idea that some things can't be measured...like love or energy.

I was guilty of loosing my instincts in favour of books...for a time. Luckily I found it again and couldn't be happier. Its just a shame I and other women feel pressured to ignore our inner voices.

Then again, if we all lived in a village and saw parenting first hand, we wouldn't need to 'learn' about it from books or MCHN...we would just all follow our babies cues and we would have help when we needed it.