How has CIO affected you??

[Heaven]

Were you left to CIO as a baby? Do you think it has affected you at all?

We've all had people say 'I did CC and it never hurt my kids' and it's hard to argue that when it seems true, you can't see anything wrong with them!!

So, how do you think it has impacted you??

I don't know yet, still thinking.

[HotI]

I don't know how anybody could pinpoint what effects being left to cry had on their lives. Parenting styles and events will influence other aspects of your life, but i don't think you can just pick out one part (CIO) and say this caused x,y,z.

[Dansta]

i know my mum left me to CIO and i've found that im not very attached to her and our relationship isnt the best eather. (but that could be unrelated)DH's mum picked DH and his brother up when they cried, cuddled them to sleep and untill DH's brother was 6.5 DH's mum used to sit with him until he fell alseep - and they've got a good relationship,very open and honest and there is alot of support and trust there. so for me i think its made me less likely to want help/support from my mum but thats a guess KWIM?

[boomba]

I was never left to cry so I cant say...but I know of babaies who werre left to cry and they have no spark iykwim...they are older now like in school and they seem so sad all the time and have no expression, and clingy and I really believe this is down to being left from 6 weeks to scream themselves to sleep..breaks my heart when I see them they are never happy and have no comfidence...which i believe is due to thinking they were never comforted.....Sorry I am rambling.

Aslo we know that it does damage the brain and can affect how we behave, but I suppose people put the behaviours down to personality...

We've all had people say 'I did CC and it never hurt my kids' and it's hard to argue that when it seems true, you can't see anything wrong with them!!

It may not be an affect you can see but I guess if you dig deep enough you will find ways it has affected people...I really hate that line..you could also say I drank alot of alcohol when I was a teenager and I am fine, well we as far as I know...but what long term damage has it done?

Sorry probably doesnt make sense?

[Heaven]

I don't know how anybody could pinpoint what effects being left to cry had on their lives. Parenting styles and events will influence other aspects of your life, but i don't think you can just pick out one part (CIO) and say this caused x,y,z.

True, we will never know for certain but I just wanted to know peoples opinions. It can definitely effect attachment.


That does make sense boomba. That's sad about those kids
I hate that line too, you can't argue with it, you can't say for sure what impact it has had and if you do it's pretty rude coz you're basically saying well your kids have these problems and it's all your fault! lol.

[Rainbow_Mumma]

uummmm CIO cry it out???

[Barb Glare]

As a child we knew better than to go into mum and dads room during the night. I shared a room with my little sister. But I remember feeling scared of ghosts a
and nightmares and desperaty wanting my mum. Sometimes I would sit outside her bedroom door just for company. The other side could be to ask people who did cosleep with their parents how they felt about their experince -in my expperience they always talk about it warmly and positively.
When I had my first child I definately wasn't going to co-sleep -my children weren't going to rearrange my organized life. Luckily my first was a very persisten and patient boy who taught me different. Co-sleeping is one of the most precious experiences I've had with my children

[beckoes]

I second that Bard, i woke up this morning with DD asleep laying across my tummy, smiling away! wouldnt have it any other way!!

[beckoes]

I have been thinking about this alot recently , i always hear ''my parents did that for me and i turned out alright'' so the concept that CIO or no skin to skin at birth or not co-sleeping or any of the things that are deemed ''ok because thats what we did in OUR day'' had no effect on people...well, is there REALLY no effect from those things?
There are more cases of mental problems in people these days, different illnesses than 50 years ago etc etc. Im not a doctor or anyone who knows statistics etc but it would be interesting to know how much of the worlds problems could be attributed to doing these things!?
Just because your still alive after being left to CIO through your infant years doesnt necessarily mean your 'alright'....that fear of trust, or lack of self esteem or the panic attacks....couldnt that be because of being left to CIO!!??

[HotI]

There are more cases of mental problems in people these days, different illnesses than 50 years ago etc etc. Im not a doctor or anyone who knows statistics etc but it would be interesting to know how much of the worlds problems could be attributed to doing these things!?

Are there more cases of mental illness these days, or is it just that there are more people having their illness acknowledged and diagnosed and people are able to talk about mental illness more than in previous generations?

[beckoes]

Good point Kate07.....i guess 50 years ago it probably wasnt as acceptable to admit you had a problem...or have a doctor agree with you!!

[Megan]

I was left to CIO and actually have memories of feeling lonely and scared when I was a toddler. As I got older I often felt ignored and like my needs didn't matter. I felt I was in the way and many things were more important that my needs. I think it has definitely effected me in my adult life as far as confidence and self esteem goes.

As for those who say "I did this or that and mine turned out fine" - do they know that for sure? My MIL says this all the time, but DH doesn't have the relationship with his mother to tell her that he didn't necessarily turn out fine. Physically they may be fine, but emotionally is another thing altogether.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Left to CIO as toddler, child and teen. Too many memories of crying - make that sobbing - myself to sleep knowing that no-one cared about that. Not at all close to my mother. Emotionally stunted to the point my sister reckons I'm autistic. Very angry person. Had troubles learning at school when this was happening as a teen - there was too much going on in my head to learn.

I did NOT turn out fine, anyone who knows me can see that! My mum doesn't even say "...and you turned out fine" to me.

Sister, co-slept even in her late teens if she "needed" it. VERY close to mum, emotionally secure, well loved, confident, has done well academically (better than I did).

eta - even with a nightmare as a child, I was told to go back to bed and not bother Mum. Talk it through with my Teddy bear then I'd feel better. Go back to bed. It didn't work, btw, well not for me but I did never bother mum again with nightmares.