Saying 'Santa wont come if you're naughty'.

[briggsy's girl]

If i say there is a consequence to an action, then i follow through. DD has, much like your kids, had stuff donated to charity because she has been warned that it is going to happen, and I follow through. We haven't used Santa in that manner though - I'd rather have an immediate action/consequence situation than a threat of something like that. She has things like "clean the floor or the toys go to charity", "pack your dress ups away or they go to charity". I don't deliver it that bluntly though lol

ETA: I'm another that appreciates that DD is a pretty good kid - she has her moments (don't all kids?) but for the most part she's pretty good - so maybe i'm not at the end of my tether and grasping at straws like your SIL?

[onthefly]

I would think: My child is quite clever and knows what's going on. And then I would reconsider the what I'm doing, because it's obviously not too effective.

[Chocaholic]

I am another who is fortunate my kids are well behaved (generally, but all kids get into mischief) but then my DH and I have put in the hard yards to ensure that is the case. I am sure all of you do the same too.

I have never told my boys that Santa won't come if they are naughty though random strangers in the shops have. Why, I have no idea.

I am also fortunate that my kids are not ones who want everything. My eldest wanted a PS3. I offered to buy one for Christmas and he refused because it would be a family present. He decided to buy it with his pocket money. He only gets $5 a week but he managed it a few weeks ago and he is ecstatic. It is his PS3 and if anyone wants to use it, they must ask his permission. He keeps offering us a turn but we turn it down as we are not interested. His 5yo brother prefers to watch rather than play as well.

Anyway, back to the point. My kids know that big presents are for birthdays as that is their special day. Christmas is about family, friends and for my DH and my kids, it is about Jesus (I am not religious). So present opening lasts maybe 30 mins with the majority coming from family and friends. When asked what they wanted for Christmas by strangers in shopping centres, they always said "whatever Santa wants to give me". They did ask for a helicopter they saw in Big W "if it was OK with Santa". They cost $8 each.

If I threaten anything, I follow through. My DH prevaricates, I do not. My boys believe what I say and do as I ask. If they question why, I explain as I need them to understand why and I am happy to negotiate if it comes to that.