Getting Your Learners License.

[Fleur]

What is the most worrying aspect of driving?
Did you have any dramas getting your license?
Have you had an accident?
If you accidentally killed a pedestrian (say a child suddenly stepped out infront of you) would you give up driving? (<--- that is my worst fear)

Haven't read everyone else's posts buyt I will come back later...

I was 26 before I got my license - not entirely by choice, but I also was a bit nervous about getting out on the road with all the dimwits.

So.. teh most worrying aspect of driving is absolutely other people... I worry all the time about drunk drivers crossing the road.. I guess there's nothing you can do about that except be very aware, & I should probably do a defensive driving course. In fact I think they should be compulsory.

No dramas getting my license but I did go auto instead of manual as time was a factor (I wanted to do it before we moved here) & I thought it would be a bit easier & therefore quicker.

Haven't had an accident but have had a couple of close calls, both my fault & others. On my part, mostly inattention & I had to brake quickly

If I accidentally killed somebody... I think I probably would stop driving for a bit at least, I think it would take a great deal to be able to drive again after something liek that.

Kids in the back... I tune out - really it's not a huge problem. If I ever thought it would be I would pull over & deal with it but haven't had to yet.

And I know you don't want to hear 'you won't know yourself' but I have to say that was sooo true for me, everything changed for me once I got my license. I don't think it's so much a matter of putting your personal freedom over your concerns, they are valid concerns but you are more the kind of person we NEED on the road, not staying off it!

It's funny I was thinking about this the other day & I agree re-testing every 5 years would be so good. There was a fatality in QLD a couple of days ago which took our road toll to I think 299 or 399 for the year... I said to the kids, if that many people died in individual air crashes they would ground all the planes... why are so many people dying on our roads? I don't get it...

Sorry that went off on a different tangent, I don't mean to sound negative, just that I understand your concerns; but I don't see them as a reason for NOT driving, it's how people should be - aware & considerate.

[fionas]

Bath, you know I'm in the exact same boat as you and I'm absolutely petrified of driving, I think probably for very similar reasons. I actually failed two tests because I was told I was too considerate to other drivers and waved them through when actually that was against the road rules - like you, I would rather inconvenience myself than other people!

I guess my motivation is this:

1. I really want a trip to the library, supermarket etc. not to take up half my day and to have to time that half day around the heat.
2. I want to be able to 'nip out' particularly now as we're doing renos. There's some places that would take me 20 minutes to drive to that would otherwise take me about 4 hours on public transport eg. Camberwell - v. close in the car but on public transport I would have to go into the city and change trains. Very frustrating.

Rather than answer your specific questions, I'm going to answer them in a roundabout way and tell you what my approach is going to be.

Firstly, I am supremely well aware that I need motivation and confidence. I think because of 1. and 2. above, I now have the motivation - I do actually WANT to drive because I really do think it will enhance my life. If I wasn't motivated however, there's no way that I could convince myself to do it just because 'it makes sense'. Like you, I've managed without driving for a very long time, so it really requires ME to really want to do it and it's only in the last 6 or so months that the desire has really been there.

I've really tussled with the safety thing but because my motivation is so high now, that's actually a lesser concern at least in terms of my own personal safety. To put it another way, I'm not so scared of killing myself or other people as I once was. I can kind of see it in perspective. It's not REALLY going to happen - especially if I start off very slowly and make it over to your place via Darebin Road, Heidelberg Road whatever and avoid freeways etc.

Having said that, THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD PUT DD IN THE CAR UNTIL I FELT MUCH MORE CONFIDENT.

But like most things in life, I think start off slowly and see where the journey takes you.

If you'd asked me two years ago if I thought I would ever drive, I would have laughed you out of the place but now I think driving would make a huge difference to my life and I really want to give it a go.

Just keep processing it and do what you're comfortable with. You'll work it out my friend.

[Astrid]

What is the most worrying aspect of driving?

This is pathetic, but for me it is parking and merges. I am just not good at parking, will make sure the next car has parking sensors. I will often go to the furthest place in a car park and drive past other spots to find one easier to pull into. Often it is not the drive somewhere that will freak me, but what to do with parking when I arrive
Merging, well that one is so dependent on other road users, short distance to try and match the speed of the traffic, often the first car will be doing 80 and the next car will be doing 90 and closing the only gap you have to merge.

Did you have any dramas getting your license?
Did not get mine till I was just about to turn 23. I got a good instructor, he was hard and would not tolerate me crying. Helped me to toughen up. Even once I got my licence I really only drove on weekends, I enjoyed the walk to and from work, also I did not want to pay for parking.

Have you had an accident?
Only minor parking related ones, scrapped my first car and have bumped our bumper on the current car a few times. Was reversed into whilst reversing (not my fault as I was out first), I was pregnant at the time as well. Thankfully I was not hurt and there was only minor damage on the car.

If you accidentally killed a pedestrian (say a child suddenly stepped out infront of you) would you give up driving? (<--- that is my worst fear)
I would have to continue due to where we live, otherwise we would have to move. Even moving into town here would not do, we would have to go back to Melbourne or somewhere where the public transport runs more than once an hour.

Don't be afraid to just drive where know. Often I will drive a different route to DH, he is more confident under any condition, whereas I will avoid certain intersections. Sometimes it means adding a few minutes to the trip, but I feel it is safer for me.

I did stop driving for 10 years when we moved to Melbourne as it did scare me. Also often it was just as easy to use trains and not have to pay parking. So it was almost like I was a learner in when I drove again in my 30's.

As for car distractions, the kids are not too bad. If anything it is constant questions that drive me nuts and take my mind off the road, so often I have to be hard and just tell her to be quiet, mummy is driving.

[mollycat]

Bath - well done for making this decision. I was 33 (I think) when I finally got my learners. I had no desire before this to do it. I could always find someone to drive me where I needed/wanted to go.


What is the most worrying aspect of driving?
Like Astrid, I find parking a drama - I will often go that little bit further and park where I think it's easier. Other drivers will make me nervous as well. I am also a Family Day Carer and take the children to playgroup. It terrifies me that something will happen while I have other people's children in my car. I find I drive that little bit more careful. I also don't like driving in peak hours - but that can't always be avoided.


Did you have any dramas getting your license?
It took me the full 3 years on my learners before I was "brave" enough to go for my P's. I think I had 5 days spare, I had no problems going from one set of P's to the other then on to my full licence.


Have you had an accident?
I was rear ended (so not my fault), 9 days after buying my current car. I had stopped to give way, the 4WD behind me didn't stop, luckily he didn't push me out into coming traffic - it could have been much worse. btw, it was this drivers first accident in about 40 years. I had just finished doing the change over at the RTA, then couldn't use my car for 5 weeks while it was fixed. (I also had a FDC child with me at the time, we were both unhurt.)


If you accidentally killed a pedestrian (say a child suddenly stepped out infront of you) would you give up driving? (<--- that is my worst fear)

I would seriously think about it, I was in a pedestrian accident a few years ago (walking across a marked crossing and got hit by a car). It took a long time before I could cross on that crossing again.


Take your time and don't let anyone rush you. I always said to people when they were pushing me "I'll do it when I'm ready". My Ds1 is now 17 and hasn't got his licence (or learners) I just hope he doesn't wait as long as I did.


My sister has just got her Red P's - she's 45 next month.

[Bathsheba]

Thanks girls Especially Molly.... gives me hope!

Well just to update... I'm still procrastinating. Doing the school run today (pushing a pram) I was continually amazed at how totally OBLIVIOUS people are!!! I mean... they will be walking along then all of a sudden stop right infront of me to chat like I am invisible... I'll wait there to see if they notice that I am behind them... but no.... they are off in their own little worlds without a clue what's going on around them... are people like this on the roads??? Maybe I am hyper vigilant (I think i have already said this in this thread) but I pretty much ALWAYS know if somebody is right behind me... maybe I've good peripheral vision or something. I swear if I was on the road somebody would just run straight into me because they are in la-la land and i'd be the one hurt This is seriously putting me off! Somedays i wish i was oblivious as everyone else... so I could fit right in!

[Lulu]

Jeez girl, if you don't really want your licence don't get it. Intellectualising every single point isn't going to get you anywhere but a headache!

People are rude and in their own worlds no matter where you are. Why should driving be any different than a queue, a restaurant, the library, the shops, the bank, the footpath?

Not everyone turns into a homicidal manic behind the wheel (a few do, but they are manic in other areas too ), there are plenty of considerate drivers on the road. I am one of them. I have also flipped a car, ripped the front off a taxi, hit the car in front of me and been rear ended here and there. I consider myself a pretty good and hyper vigilant driver due to the years of experience I have. I'm sure most of BB consider themselves good drivers too - and they probably are. Tis not all bad.

I also enjoy popping off to Bunnings at the drop of a hat

[Astrid]

Jeez girl, if you don't really want your licence don't get it. Intellectualising every single point isn't going to get you anywhere but a headache!

People are rude and in their own worlds no matter where you are. Why should driving be any different than a queue, a restaurant, the library, the shops, the bank, the footpath?

:yeahthat:

On the roads there are at least rules, even though not everyone follows them, but if most people did not the roads would be an absolute mess. On footpaths etc it is up to etiquette, it is rare that drivers just stop in the middle of the road for a chat

[Bathsheba]

Yep, better not vent about this anymore. If I didn't have this health issue I wouldn't even be thinking about it. I guess I feel the same bitterness as somebody who has health issues that prevent them from driving. But they would get more sympathy. I know that when drivers (like my FIL) are told they can't drive anymore due to failing health tests I certainly don't tell them to just get over it and catch a cab/train/bus. That would be quite insensitive.

[Lulu]

Oh please. It seems your main objection to driving is that no one has any manners. I was just pointing out that it's not actually true.

[Astrid]

Bath, I stopped driving for many years after we moved to Melbourne, it also took me ages when I did get my licence. I used to hyperventilate and cry at the mere thought of driving in Melbourne. So I know what it is like to not want to drive and trying to get people to understand why I did not want to. Coming from that I understand that if you don't want to, you don't want to and that any reasons given will just make someone want to give you the counter argument I was able to get over it, but I still do have reservations in certain situations. I do not expect though that everyone will get over it like I did. If you don't want to drive, then just let the subject drop for a later date.

[Oorki Galoorki]

What is the most worrying aspect of driving? crashing, its a constant on my mind
Did you have any dramas getting your license? No
Have you had an accident? yes, silly car park dingles mostly when i was on my P's
If you accidentally killed a pedestrian (say a child suddenly stepped out infront of you) would you give up driving i can not say but i would think so

[Bathsheba]

Just to clarify: Ok, yes, i don't really want to drive but i have a health condition that is making this inevitable. It seems as if I might not have any choice. I'll have this health issue for the rest of my life and means I'm losing strength. I'll most likely have surgery to remove my thyroid but I don't think i'll ever be as fit as I need to be, especially to live where we are (steep hills etc).

Thanks Astrid Another reservation is that I lost a young family member to a car accident... she was 18months and run over by my SIL. This haunts me a bit. But i'll try to apply logic... it's what most people seem to think is the right thing to do. I guess we all have our archilles heels.

[fionas]

Bath, you know I have my issues with driving too and I think at the end of the day there's good reasons TO drive and good reasons NOT to. If you feel that you have to drive because of your thyroid issues then I guess the only thing that will give you peace is to keep concentrating on the positive and try to come to term with the negatives.

From memory, there's some place that caters specifically to nervous drivers and do group classroom sessions as well as actual driving lessons. You might find that sort of supportive environment quite helpful and will give you chance to vent your fears too.

[Astrid]

My mum got her licence at about the age of 60! She was in a position where she just had to due to her husband dying and her living in the middle of no where.

I over came my fear by force. It was after DH's Christmas dinner and he was very hung over. I had no choice but to drive, then a few more situations cropped up where I had to drive. Then the realisation that the only way I was going to find decent work and coordinate it with childcare was to drive. I thought I could get away with not driving.

Fionas is right, focus on the benefits. I think if we all really thought about the reality of driving none of us would get out there.

[Bathsheba]

Thanks Astrid and Fiona. I agree that I will probably have to work out how to get over this phobia of mine by force. It's too inconvenient for everyone. And yep, focus on the benefits. It gets under my skin though that other people phobias are "no go zones" but this one of mine is just "silly"and "selfish". Maybe next time I find a snake in the yard I'll helpfully tell DH that he had better learn to deal with it.... I'm sick of being the only adult around here prepared to wrangle with wildlife!

[Jennifer13]

Bath, have you considered as well as normal lessons you could do a defensive driving course? It might be worth the $$ to give you a bit more confidence handling more tricky situations in a controlled and safe manner. It would also give you some skills that unfortunately not everyone else on the road has.

Then you can tell DH that he should go and help out at the zoo when they need volunteers.

[Indadhanu]

Bath - having been in your situation, and the last thre emonths of my life have been a HUGE turn around in this (and other) areas, I now drive daily and I total get your anxiety, I've felt it, it's real, but can I say that when people say the more you do it, the easier it gets, its so true. I really enjoy driving, and people for the most part are curteous, polite, and adequate drivers. Just try to remind yourself that if they WEREN'T the roads would be a complete shambles. Yes, there's the possibility that someone will do something dumb to cause an accident, but that could happen whether you are driving, walking, riding a bike, sitting on a bus or train or in a cab. No one wants to be in an accident, and I think most people are more attentive driving than walking in a shopping centre or on a fottpath, because they do have their lives at stake, and their family/friends.

Actually, can I just give you a gentle challenge... considering that an accident involving a car could happen anywhere pretty much (while you are walking, or on public transport) what is it about driving that scares you more than, say, sitting on a bus in traffic or walking on a footpath one metre from cars travelling at high speeds?

[Bathsheba]

Leasha: Short answer: me walking on the footpath, or sitting on a train/bus etc is probably not going to kill anyone. Also I can co-ordinate my walking. I think I have a bit of a mental processing problem with coordinating my movements in with other moving objects when there is a very limited time frame. When I was a child I struggled to get on and off escalators. I struggled to co-ordinate the placing of my foot onto the moving step. My mum would also just pull me on which would make me panic. She was impatient and I lost trust in her to give me time. I don't want to whinge about this anymore. Excuses excuses... people don't have time for excuses.

I'm so happy for you though Leasha... you've done really well.