Inheritance - Entitlement or a bonus?

[Mother Goose]

I think it interesting everyone's idea of inheritance seems to be money.
There are several family heirlooms in both sides of my family that I expect (and some have) to be passed down. There is no question of that. But then I see heirlooms not as property, but as things you are guardian of - you don't sell them, you have no right to. Just my thoughts though.

You raise a good point. There is one bowl my grandparents have I would love. But I wouldn't dream of asking for it. If I get it, bonus; if not well then I'm sure the new owner will appreciate it as much as I would.

My Dad has nothing left from when I was growing up. There is nothing of sentimental value in his estate for me. He doesn't even have photo's. I understand that even his service memrobillia is gone.

On my IL's side, we stand to get EVERYTHING. But DH doesn't have much sentimental attachment to any of it except the garden. Which will be destroyed when we sell the house as several developers are already chomping at the bit to buy the house so they can bulldoze and put in multiple town houses (HUGE property). We llive in a different State and DH won't want to rent it out. It really does need to be knocked down. Or gutted. We expect that his parents will sell a lot of stuff or give it to charity when they eventually leave the property. We are fine with that - it's how they live their life.

[AnyDream]

I have seen the sort of conflict that goes on within families over inheritances - apparently my nanna and her brothers didn't speak to each other for years over some brouhaha to do with the family business or something - not sure now what happened but it seems a shame all these years on now that the original conflict has been forgotten that they couldn't just be bigger people and value each other over money. But I guess that's just it - any conflict that was coming was probably already coming and the money only just brought it to a head.

My mother has lived for years believing her own mother 'ripped her off' over some shares that were part of her father's estate, I don't know how much money was involved but it can't have been much because my Nanna lived pretty frugally on her war pension and there wasn't much left to her estate when she died. I think it became bigger in my mum's head than it actually was, and she still holds bitterness over it even years after Nanna died. Ironically Nanna was very generous towards mum and gave her lots of smaller parcels of money to help out over the years but instead of being grateful it just fed my mum's obsession about how much she had been ripped off. Not nice.

[~Lashes~]

I think it interesting everyone's idea of inheritance seems to be money.
There are several family heirlooms in both sides of my family that I expect (and some have) to be passed down. There is no question of that. But then I see heirlooms not as property, but as things you are guardian of - you don't sell them, you have no right to. Just my thoughts though.

Once you have to fight for it, your view on it will change. There is nothing quite as stinging as a stolen inheritance, property, assets or otherwise, to make you realise how much is attached to the things you think have no sentimental or emotional value.

in my family, there is 2 things that get passed down, one is my grandmothers wedding ring, it was to be given to the first gradndaughter on her 18th, (that was me, i recived it on my 21st, i wear it arround my neak and very very seldom take it off) there is also the war medals, but i think my sister will get those, not sure. they are the only property in mums side of the family i know of. when my first daughter hits 21, i will most likely pass the ring on to her, and it should continue like that, my mum almost didnt pass it on, as it was the only thing she realy had left of her mum, i didnt mind so much, as it holds alot of sentiment, but she didnt want to break her wishes of it being passed on. i also now haveanother ring that my mum gave to me a few months back, when she sold all her possesions (she said it was what she would have left me onceshewas gone, realy didnt want to take it) i have it in a box put away as i dont feel comfortable with the way she gave it to me.

[LionsandBears]

Things that have sentimental value are different. There's a number if 'heirlooms' that matter a great deal. It will be interesting what happens there. Both my parents have remarried and there may be an aegument between their kids and us over 'stuff' especially things that were in our childhood home that one parent took into another marriage. I know mum and stepdad are redoing wills and assigning things via an inventory. No idea about dad and stepmum. I dont want money but there's some photos or things form dad's parents that should come to us.

I dont know how things will work, especially as it's likely one will go before the other.

Re: inherited debt. My understanding is debt is a contract between 2 parties A and B. If A has a mortgage for a house and B is the bank holding the mortgage then the debt is between A and B. If A dies, the asset is sold to cover the debt to B. A third party C does not inherit the debt unless they are guarantor to the loan. So if the debt is $100k and the asset is sold for $75k and there is no other assets to sell to cover the shortfall then C does not inherit a debt for $25k. That's just a loss to the creditors. Of course then C gets nothing. The debts of an estate must be discharged before anyone can 'inherit' anything.

[Glamourcide]

I'd give anything in the world to have my MIL with us, instead of owning her house and having a stable roof over our heads The two years of lawyers, insurance companies dodging us and interference from authorities due to the circumstances surrounding the inheritance hasn't made the financial gain worth it... Of course I'm glad to have a mortgaged home rather than a rented one, and all the freedoms that come with it (ie ability to own pets, do renos, decorate at will and never answer to anybody but the bank), but DH and I never saw it coming, so the inheritance we have received is definitely a 'bonus' of sorts - we would never have expected that we would stand to 'gain' so much in the event of MIL's passing.

As for my parents, I don't expect anything other than small sentimental items, which I guess is again a bonus rather than an entitlement - as a PP said, I 'expect' to become to 'guardian' of special items that mean something to our family, but they have no monetary worth and I'd only be interested in them because I know my brother can't be trusted to care for sentimental things.

I think I may have seen the ep of Dr Phil you're talking about, and yes, the attitude was disgusting. Maybe in times past, an inheritance was a way of parents/family helping out the next generation by leaving something to give them a 'leg up' so to speak, but I also agree with the PP who said that parents provide education and an upbringing that should enable their offspring to be self-sufficient and make their own way in the world, instead of expecting a 'handout' when their elders leave this earth.

[Mak]

The arguments have already started in my family, and everyone is still alive and well (thank goodness). It is really causing so much friction as there is a perception of people having greater needs. Honestly I hope that the oldies spend it all well before they pass on as it is the best gift they could give anyone. Oh and if you have the impression they are both gerzillionaires, nope just average people who own their homes and have worked REALLY hard, the IL's have been on a pension forever - yet one kid thinks they should help the kids out more. There is a step family in there which seems to make it worse....thanks to the pp's who have restored my faith that the whole world is not money hungry. xx

[Loula]

My family are old school London dockers who have many items that are passed through the family (my wedding band is my grandmothers' grandmothers dated 1829) so i guess there are a few items of jewllery that i know will be passed to me (being the only girl too including all cousins) but that is the tradition and history of the family.

with regards to cash and property! who knows what will be i wish my mum would spend it on herself but i guess we live in a family that has passed things on for generations. Another important thing for us is that when a member passes their plot and funeral has been paid and chosen by them, morbid i know but again just how we do things.

so i totally see it as a bonus, but only hope that i could provide the same for my children when i am in the position. im sure as i get closer to the end i would want to know that i was leaving still providing for my family (IYKWIM)

Mum has not spoken to her IL's for over 25 years and reminds me all the time of what i could get from them as they only have my brother and I and i hate hearing that, although we believe it will go to charity (cat home)

[Loula]

The arguments have already started in my family, and everyone is still alive and well (thank goodness). It is really causing so much friction as there is a perception of people having greater needs. Honestly I hope that the oldies spend it all well before they pass on as it is the best gift they could give anyone. Oh and if you have the impression they are both gerzillionaires, nope just average people who own their homes and have worked REALLY hard, the IL's have been on a pension forever - yet one kid thinks they should help the kids out more. There is a step family in there which seems to make it worse....thanks to the pp's who have restored my faith that the whole world is not money hungry. xx

I saw what DH side of the family went through when his nan passed away, i had never seen so much bitter anger and greedy behaviour! still some are not talking to each other. Its going to be a **** fight when IL's pass, and convos have already started about what ppl want.

[C~Q]

My Mum always calls me the "Heir to her overdraft" lol. But seriously, everytime I ask them to come over (fromt he UK) she talks about spending my inheritence but jees, I would rather her here than not and some extra dosh!

A good friend of mine is an antiques dealer and he says that he's seen some awful things at auctions. Once he went to a deceased estate and the daughter said to him "how much for the lot?" and there were boxes of photos, medals, stamp collections...basically everything that ever meant anything to these people. He told her that and she just said "sell it all" Really sad.

I think the only thing that would upset me is if I got left nothing and brother and sis got everything. Not because of the lack of money but because of what that would imply. But I know that would never happen! To be honest i'd be more likely to get more as i'm the only one who is single and struggling But like others, my parents are healthy and strong in their mid sixties and (god willing) going to live for at least another 20 years!!!

[black_rose]

We had fil here last night and he is becoming quite the martyr, he loves to tell everyone he is staying at home miserable so he can provide for his grandkids. It's getting frustrating, we have told him to go on a holiday and enjoy himself, we can provide for our kids and if there is anything left then it's a bonus. We want him to be happy and spend time with them not to carry on about how miserable he is so they will be looked after. He is convinced he is dying soon which isn't helping.

[Artechim]

My disgusting great-aunt spent her whole life waiting for her mother (my great-grandmother) to die so she could inherit one of her houses. It made me so mad! When Nana died earlier this year (at 98) my great-aunt was nearly smiling with the thought of all her inheritance. She had lived in one of Nana's houses for years and destroyed the place until Nana kicked her out. I can only imagine all the drug debts she had stacked up in anticipation of the inheritance. But Nana was a smart old bird and she saw her daughter for what she was - didn't leave her a house, only a token $20k. So this dumb cow has been wasting her life waiting for some fortune (which wasn't even that much) that didn't happen. I like to think of Nana laughing about that one lol.

Apparently great-aunt was going to the lawyers every week asking if the money was there yet until the legal firm called her brother and asked him to tell her to stop coming! Some people are just filth.

Anyhow, back to the original question - I think it is totally a bonus and I would feel bad getting an inheritance. If it was someone that I was close enough to that they would want to leave me something then I would so much rather they were still here or at least enjoyed themselves with their own money.

[*TripleJ*]

Long story short DH was due to inherit his grandads entire estate worth millions not including businesses and properties
He was like his father
first MIL's family cleaned everything out including bank accounts illegally and then MIL who was holding everything in trust till he was 25 then she sold everything and spent the lot just before DH turned 25
Money turns ppl greedy I know it's a bonus but it's horrible when the person named on the will gets nothing and it also turns out his grandads accountant was crooked and was taking money in DH's name too

[*Beema*]

It is a bonus to me.

I have so many horror stories When my grandmother passed away, my Aunty went through her letter cabinet and found a letter for each of the children along with her husband, she gave my grandfather his and her own and destroyed my dads and his sisters, they were her last words to her children and she took that chance away She also has been going through grandpa's house since the day my granmother passed taking things. Then when my grandfather passed away she cleaned out so much stuff, didn't allow anyone else to look, and although there wasn't anything that I wanted or felt I deserved I just hated the way she went about it. Everything had to go to her and her daughter.

When one of my Great Uncles passed away (bachelor) he had a massive house with money all over it, we literally had to go through every book (it was like a library!), egg cartons and any type of container and collect all the money so it went into the estate, hundreds of dollars stashed all over the place, yet he used a bank too! I was asked what I wanted and I was only 15 at the time, and the only thing that I said that I would have only if no one else wanted it was the blue and white stripped plates/bowls etc because it was the one thing I always remembered about his house as it sat on the shelf in the kitchen. I did end up with it and when I saw my GU in hospital just before he passed and told me there were two boxes in x cupboard and they were to be mine (I had no idea what he was talking about) but they ended up being a special dinner set

But while gets me REALLY upset is the way my Bro talks about our parents property and what he is going to do with it when they pass, and it hasn't just been on one occassion, time and time again he brings it up He assumed that his son would inherrit it! To which Dad has told him where to go. Me and my sister would prefer that it still be farmed, in a share farming situation, but more recently my brother has said that he wants to buy out my sister and me (once again he assumes that we will all get parts in the property!) Jokingly I asked him how much he thought it was worth, and his estimate was soooooo far wrong it was hilarious, as I know how much it is worth as Dad had is valued and told me what it was worth, so we can quietly say that if it was left to us children I wouldn't be giving it to my brother for the price he thinks because that wouldn't even pay for half of it I hope that it could stay with in the family and just continue to be worked as it has been for the past few generations by me (the only child who has actually been allowed to drive the machinery ), my father and his father I think I would be happy for sentimental things like photos. TBH I would be happy if my paretns decided to sell some of the farm so they they can enjoy their retirement and travel back to England again and go to Canada as I know they really really want to do those things, I want them to enjoy their life rather than thinking about supporting us, they have already done that by bringing us up IMHO