Getting ready for a homebirth mentally and emotionally

[Jennifer13]

Hi all

So now we're more into countdown mode now, with less than 10 weeks to go (or thereabouts ) I wondered if you experienced HBers could give me some tips on preparing myself and also DP for our homebirth.

What did you do mentally and emotionally to get into your birthing groove? What do you think made your homebirth a successful experience? What would you recommend in my final 9-10 weeks to get things as ready as possible?

(I'm specifically focusing on those who laboured and birthed successfully at home, even though I realise this isn't the only way to have a good birthing experience. In my case, while we have a hospital transfer plan as a back up, because this is a VBAC for me I am going to be very reluctant to transfer - unless it's an emergency - due to hospital procedures.)

I've never laboured before, but I'm actually really looking forward to it. The knowledge of getting closer to the birth itself is exciting! (Maybe I read too many Ina May Gaskin stories... ).

[AndiE]

I'm not a HBer but I just wanted to wish you well and give you a big thumbs up for getting yourself prepared mentally.

I birthed my sons naturally, without the need for pain relief and what gave me an edge (I think) was being fully educated about the actual process of birthing a baby (ie/ why we feel contractions and what purpose they have etc), and being prepared (mentally) to birth the way I wanted.

I imagine you'll get some great tips from those BB mums who had wonderful HB.

Good luck!

[Cassius2]

I set up the birth space and over the weeks kept tweaking it and getting it ready. i went and finalised all the purchases in the coming weeks (as i knew that i would feel to pg and heavy to do it much closer IYKWIM). so i finally got the oil burner and the oils!

I also got the playlist ready on my ipod and would spend as much quiet time as i could find sitting in a comfy chair in a quiet place listening to the music, stroking my belly and imagining the awesomeness that i will on meeting my baby. I did some visualisation of my body doing all the 'right' things (ie opening up, DD coming down and all the relaxation that i wanted my body to do to welcome her as smoothly as possible...this tied in with the calmbirth stuff i learnt).

During this last phase i became quite protective of my space (both physical...birth space/home and emotional). i would try to avoid confrontation or situations where there would need to be defence of our choices (thankfully an easy task). i became quite attached to being close to home

ummmm, that's all i can think of right now!!

[ladybirdflies]

I had a homebirth 18 months ago, it was third birth but my first at home. It seems to me that the preparation unfolds naturally as the time gets closer. Our midwife gave us a list which kept me busy at op shops buying old towels, blankets and sheets and then washing them and preparing them for use. We had nice towels and blankets to catch the baby though! As the tiem got closer I began to prepare the room we were to birth in, and as it became more and more set up, including the pool arriving, I became really protective of the space and not wanting anyone to look in there or go in there, it was quite amazing to experience that sense of creating a safe, clear space in which to birth. My partner was prepared in the male way, the in's and outs on attaching hoses, filling the pool, having the heaters ready with blankets and towels. He also had a lesson in how to use the oxygen if the baby arrived before the midwife, and even learnt how to look at the colour of the baby to know if it needed serious medical attention. We used to spend alot of time in the space talking and praying at times and it really was an incredible place to welcome our baby into. We had special pictures on the walls, and a prayer for the child coming in, candles etc. And then of course the nest of blankets and pillows for after the birth it was really really special.
My advice to you both is to talk about anything that is coming up, sharing your fears and feeling his support 100% behind you, spending time preparing the space and letting it unfold in no great rush s it can take up it's own identity to support you both as you birth your baby.

PS-label the cupboards so anyone could walk into the kitchen and know where to find anything they might need during the labour, food, drinks straws etc

[Jennifer13]

Well, my m/w must be intuitive as well - she just sent me an email with a list of all the practical things I need to have on hand! The op shop is a good suggestion for the old towels and sheets. And I never thought about something nice to catch the baby in. I'd really love to have a special blanket that we can wash and keep afterwards as a keepsake I can give to her when she's older. What kind of thing did you use?

Thank you girls, it's all fabulous information. I'm planning on using our downstairs area, so it will be a little trickier to set up, because some furniture will need to be moved around. I need to have a think whether I'd like to use the playroom, which is roomier and more practical, or the dining room, which I could turn into more of a cave and better carve out more of a distinct space. I might do that with a few weeks to go so that I can really focus. The space will be there for the birth pool too then.

[jackrose]

I had a VBAC at home last year and completely understand your hesitation to avoid transfer to a hospital. I also understand the feeling of looking forward to labouring and the assistance that Ina May gives to that excitement and anticipation I actually think that Ina May is an awesome preparation and she certainly helped me in preparing and looking forward to both of my births.

For my final weeks of preparation I was busy doing every thing practically possible so that I felt that I had tried my best to achieve a home birth. I attended talks, watched videos of home births, kept in contact with BB and birth stories here and maintained a posture of OFP at all times! Actually, in the final weeks, I relaxed my attention to preparation a little bit as I really felt calm and ready. I knew I was well researched, I could keep a level and logical head when discussing my birth choices with people who wanted to bring me down or will ill informed and felt nervous about my choice and I just knew I could do it. I found that I had stopped using the term VBAC and was simply referring to 'the birth'. It was a subconscious shift from working towards a 'battle to birth' to simply looking forward to 'giving birth'.

With regards to my birth space, I was not as prepared or sorted out as others here, but then DD2 came 2 weeks early so maybe I would have been if I had more time?? I was still trying to find the best place for the pool in our house and still trying to convince DH to help me do a trial run I was having a difficult time with DD1 at the time though as she could sense something was up and was very clingy and challenging. I just didn't have time to get ready in my space or even sort out baby clothes. In the end it didn't matter. It all came together and DD2 arrived when she was ready. Turns out I was too in the end.

One thing I do think I did that really helped was put a great deal of thought into my focus and my motivation. For me, I wanted to focus on the first glimpse of my new baby's eyes. I envisioned holding my slippery little newborn while sitting in water with DH watching on. I imagined her eyes looking up at me with that incredible newborn wonder. I really missed not getting that first time around and I really wanted it. I also thought a lot about what things I wanted to have said to me during birth and the sort of affirmations and encouragements I wanted. I wrote them down and organised a picture of a friend of mine who had died 6 months earlier, and who I knew would provide a calm, centering strength for me and printed them all out ready to put on the wall around my birth space. I never got to use them in the end but it all got me into a good headspace before the birth and I did have them in my mind during the birth.

Then there was the food! I roped in a few friends and my mother and worded them up about the need for good food during labour and post birth. I was dished up awesome food in the few days before I gave birth and I think it really helped.

It is funny the things that work for different people, I needed to make sure I had food sorted but didn't care about the position of the birth pool or the fact that the baby would not have anything to wear priorities!

[Cricket]

I've had two babies at home, and each time I found it important to feel prepared for the birth (as in - the stuff is ready.) and to feel safe. Is your midwife aware and in tune with your wishes, re: transfer, and other things? If you feel like you are on the same page with her, I think that will be a big help.
I loved reading Ina May's birth stories, and being reminded about how normal birth is supposed to go - no interference, no fuss, just let the body do what it's supposed to and get that baby out! And there are some good birth videos available online - I liked those too. Search YouTube for homebirth, or waterbirth, or something like that. Did you see the video clip of the VBA2C here on BellyBelly? That was a great one.
I also found it helpful to think about what might go wrong, how I would know that something was going wrong, and what would be done in that case. This might sound weird, and you don't want to dwell on the "what if's" at all, but I think it's good to know that there is a plan, and to be aware of what the plan will be, if something goes wrong. That way your mind isn't going to be jumping back to "but what if THIS happens!!!" (panic, stress, stress) because you will answer yourself "If this happens, I/my midwife will know because.... and we will do ...."

Hope all goes well for an amazing homebirth!

[christy]

I'm getting more settled into my life now, so I am now ready and able to do this!!! I will help!!! We need to catch up in the next few weeks to prepare

[Smoke Jaguar]

Visualisation meditations are great, I found. I had DS in the birth centre and laboured entirely at home and visualised how I would be a lot. It was very zen, in the end. For DD I knew it would be about the same, but with no getting into a car!
I set up my space, I wrote out a plan for myself for what I would do - get the oil vaporiser going, light certain candles, turn on my salt lamps and play a special playlist I had prepared and was listening to in the last trimester especially.
I really recommend spending some quiet time listening to Deva Premal and the mantras. I found them very centreing, and rather than considering them to be invocations to any deities, I used them to focus my thoughts - rhythmic cues for thoughts and visualisations I wanted to have. By the time I was labouring I had the music going and it reminded me of what I wanted for myself, for the labour and the birth. I can still hear the music and the very zen feeling in the house. The architecture of the music, for want of another way to describe it, lends itself to introspection and measuring your physiology. I knew the songs by the labour and could hum along to them, and that was good for regulating my breathing. I downloaded the lyrics to the mantras (turns out they are about 1-3 lines repeated!) so that I could follow vocally if I wanted, but in the end humming to the melody did the trick.
I found that the humming or singing of the mantras seemed to activate different areas of my mind and body, so my self-perception was heightened and I could really go into myself.
Importantly, the music set the mood for everyone - I had my DS, DP, two midwives and a GF (helping with DS as well as supporting us) - and had us all on the same page.
I was also moving furniture around in the last few days, getting the balance 'just so' It was a teeny house and we had a trial run of the birth pool filling, which was fun.
I bought a happy flag and told DS that he was to stick it in the ground near the letterbox after the baby was born, so he felt like he had an important role the next day

[Lady-bug]

Lots of great suggestions already! I had a HBAC in May. The main thing I found that helped me to prepare was making sure I had no expections of the birth. I'm very good at planning things and when they dont go the way I think they are 'meant' to I get frustrated. So this was hard but Im very glad I did it.
I also watched tonnes of birth videos (you tube) and read lots of h/b stories.
Like Jackrose, I knew I was well researched, so if I did transfer I knew it was going to be for a very good reason and I totally trusted my midwife and if she suggested a transfer, I knew she was genuine.
I think simply knowing how much I wanted this birth to be at home and for it to be 'just a birth' helped. And considering you're homebirthing I'm sure you already feel that way too.

HTH

[Arcadia]

Set up a birth alter with affirmations, candles, crystals or oils, basically anything that will help you open your hearts to the birth.

Watch unassisted or home births on YouTube.

Create a nest space...somewhere private where you can go when you need space in labour (although I always end up in the loo).

Plastic sheeting under your sheets for the first night in bed.

A hose attachment in the bath to wash in case you don't want to stand to shower.

So excited!!!

[Tegam]

Set up a birth alter with affirmations, candles, crystals or oils, basically anything that will help you open your hearts to the birth.

Watch unassisted or home births on YouTube.

Create a nest space...somewhere private where you can go when you need space in labour (although I always end up in the loo).

Plastic sheeting under your sheets for the first night in bed.

A hose attachment in the bath to wash in case you don't want to stand to shower.

So excited!!!

So well said. Just beautiful. So excited for you

[*Danni*]

These words are absolutely inspiring and beautiful. Subscribing so when my time comes if it may in the future, I will too have these inspiring experiences to help, as i am leaning towards a homebirth. All the very best to you and remember, it's all about the state of your mind. I achieved a comfortable natural birth in a private hospital by breathing, being centered within my mind, focusing and finding what worked for me. Listen to your body, create an environment that comforts and relaxes you & your soul and just submit yourself to the amazing process. trust yourself!


Sent from my iPhone, using Tapatalk

[Jennifer13]

Thanks Danni!

I've taken to watching HB videos on YouTube and I'm starting to feel like my head is really in the zone.

Everything is taken care of and now I just need to rest, relax and wait for our new daughter to decide when the time is right for her.

Did anyone else find themselves leaking colostrum when they watched those videos?!

[Cassius2]

yeah Jen, it was pretty insane at times with the colostrum. also happened when i did my calmbirth breathing and visualisations in bed of a night...so cool.

[meow]

A few things that helped us feel ready were:

- Setting up the birth space. For me that included painting an orange feature wall behind the birth pool. I just needed to have a huge splash of orange. I knew I wouldn't read words or look at pictures in labour but colour really connects to me.

- Watching births. I found the Orgasmic Birth DVD especially good as it helped my H and I talk about the birth and my expectations of his support. He was an awesome support first time around anyway but there were some things I wanted to clarify.

- Preparing the house for after the birth. I really struggled afterwards the first time around so for our HB I had a freezer full of home cooked meals, a zillion healthy snacks, organic fruit/veg box delivery and cleaner all sorted. I even sorted the linen cupboard and labeled where everything went because my H throws stuff in and I DID NOT want to have to help find a fresh cot pillow case in the middle of the night if our older son needed his bed changed!

- Homeopathics and herbs. I saw a homeopath and got a birth kit of things from her. That was AWESOME because she asked all about the previous labour, my support systems etc. and it was such an emotionally nourishing experience. She then gave me a kit based on my needs and I used them in late pregnancy, labour and after birth. I also got some herbal teas and bath soaks from Blissful Herbs and again they were AWESOME. I felt so well cared for and loved having these healing herbs to soothe my body before and after birth (and help with healing my tear that I decided not to stich). It all just felt like the icing on the HB cake!

[Cassius2]

- Homeopathics and herbs. I saw a homeopath and got a birth kit of things from her. That was AWESOME because she asked all about the previous labour, my support systems etc. and it was such an emotionally nourishing experience. She then gave me a kit based on my needs and I used them in late pregnancy, labour and after birth. I also got some herbal teas and bath soaks from Blissful Herbs and again they were AWESOME. I felt so well cared for and loved having these healing herbs to soothe my body before and after birth (and help with healing my tear that I decided not to stich). It all just felt like the icing on the HB cake!

oh yes! this was super for us as well! i got the arnica (for swelling and bruising etc.) and saw a naturopath to prepare a post birth concoction that would help my body adjust to the loss of the super placenta and all it's goodies. i struggled after the birth of DD1 and wanted to stave off any possible PND recurrence. i reckon it helped heaps in that it kept all my good vitamins etc up there until i could produce them myself again ITMS.

i also bought a bottle of calendula to pour onto maternity pads that helped with any grazes/stitches (thankfully only a graze this time!). that was so so soothing.

Like Meow mentioned, I also needed to have all this in place before she was born as i needed to basically bunker down when i was near the end. this was such an intense thing and i do believe that it is intrinsic to mamas birthing at home.

[Jennifer13]

I have Arnica, but I might look into calendula. I'm really feeling the need for some physical space right now, ie do not like DD jumping all over me! I wonder if I'll want to be left alone a bit in labour?