Homebirth General Discussion #14

[Eenee]

Congratulations HotI!!

[Dot Face]

Hi guys, I've been MIA for a while though have been posting in other threads. Hope everyone's pregnancies are going well .

I'm 23 weeks and finally had a discussion with mum today about the homebirth. I'd been putting it off for ages thinking I'd just be able to do the homebirth in my new house which is about an hour and 20-30 mins away from my hospital where I'm doing the government funded homebirth program. But since my midwife told me she can't travel more than 30 mins to get to the house where the homebirth would be I had to consider either bringing it up to mum or birthing at the hospital in a pool...

At first I firgured I'd just do it at hospital but I am petrified of being pressured into an induction if labour isn't "progressing" or even worse a c-section so I gathered the guts to ask mum about birthing here at her place where I currently live with dh.
She was surprisingly resigned to the idea of a homebirth! I guess maybe she had time to think it all through and become more relaxed to the whole idea since I first raised it with her 4 months ago. Anyway so I asked her what we'd do with dad once I went into labour as I don't want him in the house at all (don't want mum either but she insists she has to be there even if just in the house) and I don't want anyone in the extended family knowing I'm in labour so he can't go to any of their houses so mum suggested that dad could just go to a motel or something for the night. So hopefully it all works out okay!
It's my first baby and I just want my birth to be as stress free as possible so it's great that mum's more accepting of the whole thing now. Load off my back .

[Arcadia]

Yay congratulations HotI!!!!!!! Hope you're feeling ok. My ms is easing thank god. It's been a tough few weeks and I have realized how much I take my health for granted!

Dotface, it's good your mum is on board. Have you looked at independent midwives yet? As for your dad, I would be worried that a caveat like 'no dad around' would stop your body going into labour, and would start unpacking why you don't want him there and think about ways to work through these. Ultimately it's up to you, but things like that can work against you in labour. This happened with my second labour and DD because I didn't want here there, but I was worried about who would care for her and if she'd be ok. In the end I went into labour when she was asleep and it worked out fine, but that final week I cried and stressed over her and I wish i had looked into it or organized myself better.

[Dot Face]

I have looked at IMs and dh and I decided we just can't afford it at this stage especially as we just got approved for a home loan for our first home so there are a heap of expenses coming along with that. Maybe for my next birth if we are in a better state financially we'll opt for an IM.

With my dad not being there I've just been raised with some cultural taboos where you don't even discuss the pregnancy with male relatives (except dh). I'm cool with talking about it with my brother like just general pregnancy stuff sometimes but I do not discuss it with dad at all it's just too awkward for me. So the idea of him being in the house hearing me labour away is something that will cause me more stress than worrying about where he'll go if I don't want him there. It might sound odd but it's just something I am super uncomfortable with because of how I've been raised. I blame the culture! Like I said I don't even want mum there but she insists! And I suppose at the time I'll probably be grateful for whatever assistance she provides.

[meow]

hoti- you're sneaky!! MASSIVE congratulations! How exciting!!! Are you planning another homebirth?

dot face- I think you're dad going away when you're in labour sounds like a good plan and I'm sure it's something he and you will both be more comfortable with. I'd research a short list of nearby places for him to stay and have the list with contact details ready so it's an easy thing for him to call and organise when the time comes so you feel it'll happen without a hitch, you know? That would help me anyway, because I like to know things are planned and contingencies are covered

[Jennifer13]

Yay, Hot1!! Not the same month this time, but close enough! Hope you're doing okay. Guess you've done the whole pg with a toddler thing before, so you're a pro.

[Mum2twoBoys]

Congratulations again hoti, will be good to go through this with someone in person

[Arimeh]

Congrats hotI!!

Can't believe all us September girls are next! That's crazy.

[PumpkinZulu]

Oh! Congratulations Arcadia and HotI!! How exciting And OMG I can't believe the Sept babies are nearly here

[ummAadam]

hehe Dot Face welcome

[Dot Face]

I was wondering how long it would be before you finally discovered I was here too lol.

[ummAadam]

I dont post much and im a bit thick lol

i saw your name and thought it was interesting...then i hear a 'click' in my brain and im like 'oh Duh! im slow....'

[Dot Face]

No word of this on AM, my sis inlaw doesn't know I want to home birth .

[ummAadam]

Good idea i didn't tell many people either. Much easier that way.

[Cricket]

Congrats HotI!

I was just saying to DH that I'm in a few days I'll be 31 weeks (my ticker is off a day or two), which means 9 weeks to due date, which doesn't sound SO close, but that's also only 6 weeks to full-term. Now THAT sounds close!

And DotFace - I totally understand not wanting your Dad around. I'd find that very weird myself. My mom wouldn't really be welcome either. I'm a fairly private person, and having other people around when I'm labouring would definitely throw me off. I saw a homebirth video where the girl's father-in-law was doing the video taping and I was like "how weird is that?!" DH thought it was fairly bizarre as well.
Different strokes, I guess.

[Cricket]

In other news, I think we've settled a name for this bean. I won't share it yet, in case we change our minds, but it's nice to have that pretty much decided. I've been calling him by that name in my mind for a while now and I'm pretty happy that DH likes it too.

[HotI]

Thought i might be able to just quietly join the end of the list without anyone noticing, but nah. Meow, definitely going for a homebirth. Will scrape the money together somehow, i just can't even think of planning to go anywhere else.

We are still trying to get our head around it, i had severe pain last weekend and it was questioned whether it was an ectopic pregnancy. I had an ultrasound to check this, and thankfully it wasn't but i was also further along than i thought.

Have been thinking about my IM options. For those, who went back again, how did you decide? Was it automatic to go for your previous IM? Did you want to try someone else? I am undecided at this point, and (in a silly way) unsure about asking the ones i am considering the questions i have in case i choose a different midwife.

when do you usually book in? Hopefully Feb won't be as busy as Jan was.

Also, last time i was completely happy for DD to be at the birth if that s what happened. She ended up sleeping through it. She will be almost 4 next time, and at this point i have greater reservations. Maybe cos she can talk and will need greater explanation... i like the idea of it being all natural and kids don't need it hidden from them, but then i wonder do they need to know stuff so early?

DotFace, sounds you like have a good plan. Having some jobs for your Mum to do might keep her occupied so you can do your thing. Bake something for after the birth, even grab some apple juice from the shop if you think you want her to just take a break. i haven't wanted anyone in my space except dh, but i'm not sure what i will do this time.

[Cricket]

Also, last time i was completely happy for DD to be at the birth if that s what happened. She ended up sleeping through it. She will be almost 4 next time, and at this point i have greater reservations. Maybe cos she can talk and will need greater explanation... i like the idea of it being all natural and kids don't need it hidden from them, but then i wonder do they need to know stuff so early?

For what it's worth - I don't plan to have any of my kids at the birth, but we have read "Hello Baby" with all of them (it's a great book about a family going through a home birth together and it shows birth in a realistic but non-graphic way) and they loved it. I found though that the younger ones (2-5yrs) were much more accepting and nonplussed by the whole "the baby comes out of... THERE?!" thing. The older ones (7-9yrs) were a little more shocked and required more explanation. So whether you decide to have her present at your birth or not, now might be a good time to let her know how birth works. I'd definitely recommend "Hello Baby" if you decide to tell her now.