Homebirth General Discussion #14

Yay congratulations HotI!!!!!!! Hope you're feeling ok. My ms is easing thank god. It's been a tough few weeks and I have realized how much I take my health for granted!

Dotface, it's good your mum is on board. Have you looked at independent midwives yet? As for your dad, I would be worried that a caveat like 'no dad around' would stop your body going into labour, and would start unpacking why you don't want him there and think about ways to work through these. Ultimately it's up to you, but things like that can work against you in labour. This happened with my second labour and DD because I didn't want here there, but I was worried about who would care for her and if she'd be ok. In the end I went into labour when she was asleep and it worked out fine, but that final week I cried and stressed over her and I wish i had looked into it or organized myself better.

I have looked at IMs and dh and I decided we just can't afford it at this stage especially as we just got approved for a home loan for our first home so there are a heap of expenses coming along with that. Maybe for my next birth if we are in a better state financially we'll opt for an IM.

With my dad not being there I've just been raised with some cultural taboos where you don't even discuss the pregnancy with male relatives (except dh). I'm cool with talking about it with my brother like just general pregnancy stuff sometimes but I do not discuss it with dad at all it's just too awkward for me. So the idea of him being in the house hearing me labour away is something that will cause me more stress than worrying about where he'll go if I don't want him there. It might sound odd but it's just something I am super uncomfortable with because of how I've been raised. I blame the culture! Like I said I don't even want mum there but she insists! And I suppose at the time I'll probably be grateful for whatever assistance she provides.

hoti- you're sneaky!! MASSIVE congratulations! How exciting!!! Are you planning another homebirth? :p

dot face- I think you're dad going away when you're in labour sounds like a good plan and I'm sure it's something he and you will both be more comfortable with. I'd research a short list of nearby places for him to stay and have the list with contact details ready so it's an easy thing for him to call and organise when the time comes so you feel it'll happen without a hitch, you know? That would help me anyway, because I like to know things are planned and contingencies are covered ;)

Yay, Hot1!! Not the same month this time, but close enough! Hope you're doing okay. Guess you've done the whole pg with a toddler thing before, so you're a pro. ;)

Congratulations again hoti, will be good to go through this with someone in person :)

Congrats hotI!!

Can't believe all us September girls are next! That's crazy.

Oh! Congratulations Arcadia and HotI!! How exciting :dance: And OMG I can't believe the Sept babies are nearly here :o

hehe Dot Face :p welcome :D

I was wondering how long it would be before you finally discovered I was here too lol.

I dont post much and im a bit thick lol

i saw your name and thought it was interesting...then i hear a 'click' in my brain and im like 'oh Duh! im slow....'

No word of this on AM, my sis inlaw doesn't know I want to home birth ;).

Good idea ;) i didn't tell many people either. Much easier that way.

Congrats HotI! :)

I was just saying to DH that I'm in a few days I'll be 31 weeks (my ticker is off a day or two), which means 9 weeks to due date, which doesn't sound SO close, but that's also only 6 weeks to full-term. Now THAT sounds close!

And DotFace - I totally understand not wanting your Dad around. I'd find that very weird myself. My mom wouldn't really be welcome either. I'm a fairly private person, and having other people around when I'm labouring would definitely throw me off. I saw a homebirth video where the girl's father-in-law was doing the video taping and I was like "how weird is that?!" DH thought it was fairly bizarre as well.
Different strokes, I guess.

In other news, I think we've settled a name for this bean. :) I won't share it yet, in case we change our minds, but it's nice to have that pretty much decided. I've been calling him by that name in my mind for a while now and I'm pretty happy that DH likes it too.

Thought i might be able to just quietly join the end of the list without anyone noticing, but nah. Meow, definitely going for a homebirth. Will scrape the money together somehow, i just can't even think of planning to go anywhere else.

We are still trying to get our head around it, i had severe pain last weekend and it was questioned whether it was an ectopic pregnancy. I had an ultrasound to check this, and thankfully it wasn't but i was also further along than i thought.

Have been thinking about my IM options. For those, who went back again, how did you decide? Was it automatic to go for your previous IM? Did you want to try someone else? I am undecided at this point, and (in a silly way) unsure about asking the ones i am considering the questions i have in case i choose a different midwife.

when do you usually book in? Hopefully Feb won't be as busy as Jan was.

Also, last time i was completely happy for DD to be at the birth if that s what happened. She ended up sleeping through it. She will be almost 4 next time, and at this point i have greater reservations. Maybe cos she can talk and will need greater explanation... i like the idea of it being all natural and kids don't need it hidden from them, but then i wonder do they need to know stuff so early?

DotFace, sounds you like have a good plan. Having some jobs for your Mum to do might keep her occupied so you can do your thing. Bake something for after the birth, even grab some apple juice from the shop if you think you want her to just take a break. i haven't wanted anyone in my space except dh, but i'm not sure what i will do this time.

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Also, last time i was completely happy for DD to be at the birth if that s what happened. She ended up sleeping through it. She will be almost 4 next time, and at this point i have greater reservations. Maybe cos she can talk and will need greater explanation... i like the idea of it being all natural and kids don't need it hidden from them, but then i wonder do they need to know stuff so early?

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For what it's worth - I don't plan to have any of my kids at the birth, but we have read "Hello Baby" with all of them (it's a great book about a family going through a home birth together and it shows birth in a realistic but non-graphic way) and they loved it. I found though that the younger ones (2-5yrs) were much more accepting and nonplussed by the whole "the baby comes out of... THERE?!" thing. The older ones (7-9yrs) were a little more shocked and required more explanation. So whether you decide to have her present at your birth or not, now might be a good time to let her know how birth works. I'd definitely recommend "Hello Baby" if you decide to tell her now.

Hotl- I had my girls there (well they were somewhere in the house we still arnt sure where and what they saw!!)
But there we in the room pretty much the second after she came out I know for sure! Dd3 who was 4 still talks about the mess and how her hand got all sticky. I did notice through one contraction she put her hands over her ears but she doesn't like loud commotion anyway.

The older ones weren't fussed. We also read the book hello baby many times before birth and we had also watched a few you tube videos together.

CONGRATULATIONS HOTI!!!

:happyforyou:

(how's that for sneaking in on the list hahahaha!)

i loved having DD1 there for DD3s birth (she was also at DD2s birth but was younger). But she is really into birthy stuff.

I also questioned my choices for IMs again. I think that is healthy...and totally normal for HB peeps. we know we have choice and want and know how to make informed choices. I did a big think and in teh end opted for the same team. I totally dont regret it as i was really stoked to have to not go through all the old stuff of introductions etc and that my IM really knew me and how i birthed by that stage so there was alot more confidence all round IYKWIM.
that is the one thing that holds me back from moving away from melbourne...having to find a new IM if we have another baby lol!

DotFace: happy to see you back in here! It is fantastic that your mum has given the ok for you to birth there :). with it being your first baby there should be some time for you to ask your Dad to temporarily leave and give you the space you and your DH need.

Cricket: your pregnancy is just flying along! I cannot believe it! this whole year is just whizzing past in fact!! where is all this time going??

Had my "emergency" scan today (ordered a week ago :lol:) and bub is growing nicely :) DH was a bit anxious throughout though, because he missed the guy saying (very quickly and almost under his breath) at the start "well there's a heartbeat so baby's alive!" Bub wasn't moving much either, which contributed :-/ But yeah, all is fine, and measuring a day ahead - my original date, actually!

Now I have to go to that clinic thing on Thursday for the report :wall: I'm sticking with my plan to do all I can to waste their time ;)

You could also just not go, if you don't want to. There's no reason to, they're not your primary carer and the scan showed a hb which was the whole point of it.

Nah, I almost want to just to time-waste and be a general pain in the butt :p It's just further away than I thought it was - they've moved their main pregnancy care out of the hospital and I didn't realise when I rescheduled the appointment. I also want to get my hands on that report :) I know I'm not making sense but it all does to me :lol:

Another breech baby here!!! Had my 3d scan today - still a boy!

But yes, frank breech, toes above his head. He looks so squished up in there!! Why do my VBAC babies have to be breech and give me a heart attack until they turn - this is 3 in a row - my section babies were always in the right position. Grrr.

Teni- TBH I don't think that you should go in there if that's the attitude your going to have. Wasting a professionals time because they don't agree with your choice of birth is wrong and they could be seeing to other women who want their care.
The hospital structure of birth is not the midwifes you will be seeing fault and it may not even be what she agrees with but they have to follow the guidelines of their work place so even though being a PITA might seem funny it would be better for both sides if you didn't go to the appointment. I'm not trying to be rude just honest.

Forgot in my last post to say congrats I Hotl!!!

Oh no no no, I don't really mean it the way it's come across :redface: I don't mean I'll sit there and be silly about it, I'm not going to take up any more time than I would if it were a normal appointment. (With a doctor, btw, or that's what the letter says. If it's a midwife I'll ask for the doctor.) I just meant it more like they want me to come in, so I might as well waste an appointment slot (which would go to waste if I didn't turn up anyway) and get these results rather than them keep bugging me about not coming. Last time I missed an appointment with them they sent me letters for weeks, even after I called and asked them not to, before giving up. Might as well get the results.

If they're perfectly nice and actually treat me like a human being, of course I'm not going to cause them any grief! I'll be lovely and hopefully they'll respect that I don't actually want to birth with them. But if they are rude - and having been through these people before I'm fairly certain they will be - then I'm going to screw up the courage to pull them up on it. More likely I'll sit there, listen to whatever they're saying with all my sarcastic comments tucked away in the back of my head, and walk out feeling like I should've said something.

Sorry if I'm coming across as a petulant child, I know how it sounds, looks, whatever. Like I said, it makes sense in my head but I'm having trouble getting it across.

Teni does jan know you've been at the hospital. I would be seeking her advice on the best thing to do about your appointment.

Do you feel more comfortable dealing with the hospital? Are you feeling like you need additional support? I suppose I want you to start turning to your midwives. I know it's a different care model, but they are there to help you. Why not make an appointment with Jan instead to chat about everything?

What Arcadia said, and she should be able to get a copy of your ultrasound report too.

I can kind of understand where you are coming from, regarding being against their bullying techniques. But I think at what cost? One it is a waste of taxpayers money, wasting an appt that someone else could be using; and two what kind of message is this portraying about home birthers? There is a big difference between advocating for choice and being against other choices.

I just think there is probably a better way for you to convey to them your non-interest in their program. Because these program's are good for offering those that want to birth in hospital, more choice in their pregnancy and labour.

Not meaning to be judgemental, just trying to let you see it from another pov.

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Teni does jan know you've been at the hospital. I would be seeking her advice on the best thing to do about your appointment.

Do you feel more comfortable dealing with the hospital? Are you feeling like you need additional support? I suppose I want you to start turning to your midwives. I know it's a different care model, but they are there to help you. Why not make an appointment with Jan instead to chat about everything?

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Neither of my midwives know, no. It really was just a couple of hours of mid-range cramping, and it kind of blew up into this big mess - I wouldn't have even gone to the hospital then if I hadn't been a two minute walk away. I'd have waited to see if it got worse or not, which it didn't so that was the first mistake I made. As I said earlier, I wouldn't have wanted to make a fuss and I'm not even sure I'll be telling Kelly or Jan I even went since I know there's nothing wrong. Maybe you're right in that at the back of my mind I feel like I need some sort of other support, but not because something's lacking with my midwives, more that I'm used to the medical model of care. It could even be that I want a more recent point of reference to use against whatever tiny part of my head says "just go to the hospital" - I don't really know.

I seriously hadn't given any of this any kind of deep thought, I'm just doing what comes into my head as it goes. Obviously I should think things over more. Or at least keep things to myself :lol:

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What Arcadia said, and she should be able to get a copy of your ultrasound report too.

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I don't want the report for any medical reason, more for my own records and hopefully I'll get some sort of print out :) My next midwife appointment is a few days after the hospital one, so if there's something I feel I need extra explanation with, I'll ask Kelly then.

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I can kind of understand where you are coming from, regarding being against their bullying techniques. But I think at what cost? One it is a waste of taxpayers money, wasting an appt that someone else could be using; and two what kind of message is this portraying about home birthers? There is a big difference between advocating for choice and being against other choices.

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You're absolutely right, and I truly hadn't thought of either of those (as I said, I'm not much of a thinker :p )
I suppose I tend to forget that even though there's no immediate cost to me, there is a cost overall when it comes to public health services. I'm not so sure about it being "an appointment someone else could use" because I had a choice of almost the whole day (it seems Thursdays aren't particularly busy for this doctor) but thinking of that, I'll try to make it a very quick appointment if I can.

As for your second point, I'm not sure many people realise how I'm all bark and no bite... There really is little to no chance that I'll *actually* be rude, or even say anything out of the ordinary. It's just not in me, even when I should be standing up for myself I am meek and just take what's being said. It's only afterwards that I ever say anything. I can count on one hand how many times I remember stepping up and saying what's on my mind to someone I should be standing up to. I'm only saying these things because I felt safe saying them in here, where I'm (somewhat) understood in my dislike of that particular hospital and the way they work. It makes me feel better to vent and say "haha I'm going to waste their time" instead of holding it in and getting myself down about the whole mess I made for myself. If only I hadn't wanted to go to the movies that night, I'd have been forced to wait it out :lol:

Yeesh, another loooong post in which I say nothing of import :p Can we leave this stupid situation behind us now? I think I've been convinced how silly I'm being about it all :) Hey, maybe that's why I posted to begin with, that voice in the back of my head wanted me to take a look at how stupid I am ;) I'll most likely cancel the appointment tomorrow, I don't really *need* the u/s, I just *want* it.

I was not saying you were stupid, just trying to point out how others might view it. And you are free to vent, maybe it would be better to discuss your poor treatment rather than saying about wasting time.

It can be difficult to transition to IM care as opposed to hospital, but I think it's important for you to know that your midwife will not (should not) be upset if you contact them about anything that worries you. And they can often offer great feedback and advice. So an important thing you need to tell yourself, anything that worries you enough to seek hospital or dr advice, is important enough to worry your midwife about. You are pregnant, and it's hard having no control over your body, so anything that worries you in the slightest is important to bring up. So please stop saying it wasn't worth bothering your midwife, coz if you need to discuss something it is important to get it off your chest.

I was saying I was being stupid/silly/other words, wasn't saying you were :) I tend towards self-derision in a lot of situations, makes me feel better and less on-guard with things :)

It's not that I didn't want to worry Kelly and Jan, it's that I didn't think it worrisome *enough* to bother with. After having been to this hospital with similar issues in both previous pregnancies, I went in thinking it would be maybe an hour's wait, two at the most, before they took me in for a quick scan and sent me on my way. By the time I'd given up hope for that to happen (and I was hardly feeling any cramps by this point) I'd missed the last bus home. So I decided to wait and see who would get to me first - the doctor, or DH coming from work. DH did make it in first, but the nurses called me for the blood test/canulla insertion very soon after before I had much of a chance to explain it all to him and see his opinion. Then I had the cannula in, so I felt incredibly trapped, an hour later they took me in for the "results". I thought they were finally going to at least check the baby so I didn't speak up and say I wanted to leave (because even though by then I was sure all was okay I figured I might as well get an extra peek at him/her), but I just had to wait and wait in the cubicle until the doctor took the thing out of my arm and said we had to go back to the waiting room for one last result to come in. That was the point I finally snapped and we just walked out. So some was definitely my fault, my mistake, etc. but some was me feeling trapped in the situation and just going with it because it was the path of least resistance. Which sums up my life quite nicely :lol: I'm not at all placing all the blame on them - though I wanted and tried to at first - because in retrospect I never should have stepped foot in the hospital.

I want to give you a hug Teni. You don't need to justify yourself.

Do what you want to do and what feels right. Can I please just give you a push towards ringing your midwives when you need support and to share your hospital story with them. These feelings are very important and part of your journey. They are very intuitive and will weasel out your fears etc eventually and the more you tell them the better.

I saw jan on Saturday and cried as soon as I saw her. She is on your side. Always remember that. She is also psychic and very, very into supporting women, so please make use of her.

Sending you love, space and lots of encouragement.

Teni tell jan or Kelly. Seriously they won't think anything is inconvenience. It also helps gives them all the background in case there are something that they want to follow up on. See it as helping them help you. :)

Good point veus, hadn't thought of it in terms of knowing history etc. They really should know, huh?

On a more homebirthy and less I-hate-hospitals note (;)), I'm currently stalking both middies on FB and have been pleasantly surprised to find Kelly finished high school the year before me :o I knew she wasn't much older than me, and she certainly doesn't look it, but I never thought we were so close in age! I love it, I'm not used to hitting it off with women my age IRL :p Usually they're heaps older or a little younger. She went to uni near(ish) my home too, I wonder if I know anyone who had classes with her...? Midwives do a nursing course first, don't they? It's actually possible if that's so...

I'm a creep :lol: Please tell me I'm not the only one who has done this? :p

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Why do my VBAC babies have to be breech and give me a heart attack until they turn - this is 3 in a row - my section babies were always in the right position. Grrr.

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Just take it as a good sign that he IS a VBAC baby. ;) He's not going to be all cooperative and then cause trouble at the end. He's going to scare you now, and then be just as sweet as can be come delivery day. :)

Teni I don't think you're a creep for that. Naturally you'd want to find things in common with your midwife, a better bond would make the birthing more comfortable imo. Maybe when you meet next you can have a conversation about your friendly stalking (lol).
When I first met my midwife one of the things that struck me was that she'd been to Saudi to live for some years and so she knew a lot about how Muslims interact, what we say, etc and she even greeted me with a Muslim greeting so overall she did a great job at making me feel at ease with her. I absolutely love that she's my middie! Add to that she was super excited when I said I wanted a homebirth and when I said I wanted a water birth she said "wow you've really done your research!" while I thought to myself 'yeah by reading a gazillion birth stories on bb' lol :p.

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Another breech baby here!!! Had my 3d scan today - still a boy!

But yes, frank breech, toes above his head. He looks so squished up in there!! Why do my VBAC babies have to be breech and give me a heart attack until they turn - this is 3 in a row - my section babies were always in the right position. Grrr.

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Sending him spinning vibes. When did the others turn?

Teni, I'm FB friends with a whole m/w group. Lol I think my m/w and I are pretty much friends IRL now, especially since she had her first baby a few mths ago. I see both of them every mth at our get togethers and I visited for lunch at her place last mth. The dynamic for this pg is completely different as a result. So don't feel weird. ;) It's a very special relationship, the one you build with your midwife.

Teni I got so obsessed with Jan I used to imagine I'd see her driving around. It's normal and part of the relationship I think. I'm friends with jan on fb and love being in constant touch with her!

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Sending him spinning vibes. When did the others turn?.

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Both girls turned just before my 38 week appointment but they weren't in this breech position, they would flip all the time from transverse to breech and I never really worried that they wouldn't .

This one can't be budged already, even though I'm only 30 weeks - head under left rib, legs under right rib and butt on my cervix. So he's pretty long like his daddy I reckon.

Just got a bad feeling about this one...

Ah Arimeh... :( Too early now to stress. What does your m/w say? They have a vaginal breech program at Westmead in Sydney, plus a couple of the m/ws I know have just had successful twin vaginal births (even a water birth) there too. Still not ideal, considering how much I value HB, but that's there at least. Not much help to you in Qld though!

Any other ideas? Did you do anything for the girls?

Arcadia, lol at your hoping to see her driving around. Hannah Dahlen is one of the group m/ws here and I felt like I was around a celebrity for a little while. Turns out she's the one I probably get on best with and I'm slightly disappointed I won't be birthing with her. ;)

Arimeh have you looked at the Spinning Babies website? They've got lots of info on fetal positioning and helping your baby into a better position for birth. You've got lots of time yet to help that baby move. Try not to stress! It'll be OK. :hug:

Oh - and I think that stalking your midwife is a sign that you're clicking well with her. :lol: I still hope that I'll run into my first midwife at the grocery store someday. I really loved her, and was SO sad when she moved to a neighbouring practice where she could work part time after she shattered her ankle. I'd love to sit down and talk with her for a while.... I like my current midwife and she's very experienced, but I don't have the same connection with her.