Homebirth General Discussion #7

[christy]

Oh girls, Jennifer's birth was so beautiful, I just have to encourage you all in what you are preparing for. I wish now that I had done it at home myself...

[Bella29]

Ash- I bought some herbs from a place called blissful herbs. She has some lovely stuff. I got almost everything she has for pregnancy, labour, postnatal peri care and breast feeding. There are some really lovely things there. I think meow or someone else in here told me about her. She is really lovely too. She's a doula by the name of Julie Bell.

HotI - I can completely relate to where u r at babe. Most of the time I feel quite positive and excited about this labour. This morning I woke up tired after a bit of a sleepless night. Not sure why I had trouble going to sleep. Anyway, I just have felt a bit fearful today. Not of the birth itself. I have complete faith that my body can give birth to this baby. I am more scared of the pain. I have no illusions about my pain tolerance. To put it bluntly, I am a sook. Which on one hand makes me very glad to have a home birth, because I have no doubt I would ask/beg for pain relief at some point and it would be too easy for ppl to give it to me. But u know it also scares me that I just plain won't cope and will be a screaming mess. But these are fears. I just am tired and a bit emotional today. I have great support and I am sure they will help me cope and support me.

DH had a sleep in this morning as he prepares for an afternoon and oncall shift tonight, but he got up at 9:30 and let me go back to sleep till 11:30. So I feel a bit better, although still emotional today. Anyone else in here have a low pain threshold but cope ok with labour? I think I will just have to take it one contraction at a time. I can do that.

[Cassius2]

I can totally relate to those fears. I remember that in the last couple of weeks I silently questioned my ability to actually cope with the pain.

i remember the pain and fear of that first birth in hospital. i had peth and gas, and it still hurt.

what was amazing when the time came was that there just wasnt the space for that fear. when it really happens, the joy overtakes. it is so so different ITMS.

I remember i had a night of 'this is it' waves. i was so so scared. excited but also scared. i wasn't ready. I had DD2 8 days later and not once, from that first wave on her birth day did fear even show her face. I think that experiencing that fear at an earlier moment is an important step, a moment to release those inhibitions, embrace them and send them out; as a valid experience, an experience of the past, but as an experience that no longer has a hold on this journey. go with it girls

[Jennifer13]

I had things starting for about 12 hours, but everything settled down again. Was exciting and scary. Started worrying if i am ready and if i can do this. Have a midwife appt this morning so hopefully will get back to excited.

That was me for all of Monday. Fx it happens for you soon.

Keep reminding yourself that all this early labour is setting you up for a good established labour and birth (my notes say about 2 1/2 hrs - although I know the early stuff for a couple of hours earlier seemed more serious to me). Prepares your body beautifully. I read Kelly's article on early labour here and it made me feel better about it.

My midwife told me to try to pretend it wasn't happening and find things to do.

GL!

[HotI]

Thank you all for sharing your stories and encouragement. I don't always have the right words to write what i am thinking, but reading your posts lets me know my thoughts are ok, and affirms my plan of action.

My midwife did some rebozo techniques on me today to help bub in to position. I remember asking a year or so back what rebozo was (Cassius replied!), and today i got to see it (feel it) in action. Was amazing how quickly bub changed position and realigned him/herself.

Just had a relaxing spa, and heading to bed. Tomorrow, I am going to spend some time bouncing on my birth ball (DD loves the ball too!) and encouraging bub to keep their head in the pelvis.

I had another dream that i had twins last night! I have had similar dreams maybe 5 times this pregnancy. Fairly sure there is only one bub in there, but maybe it had a twin that didn't make it?

take care

[Bella29]

Thank you all for sharing your stories and encouragement. I don't always have the right words to write what i am thinking, but reading your posts lets me know my thoughts are ok, and affirms my plan of action

ditto for me thanks girls... off to bed for this little lamb

[Arcadia]

HotI, I am thinking of you!

Perhaps twins signifies the two births you are processing right now, your dd's and your impending labour and your mind is suggesting you will be able to rebirth your dd? Birth always has a wild card to throw at you, so perhaps yours is this. Do you feel supported to work through some of your fears? These final days/weeks are all about the emotions. The baby's cooked and it's the other emotional stuff that matters now.

I cried a river of tears in my final week with ds...and he wasn't born until everything was as I imagined it.

[HotI]

Arcadia, interesting.... one of the twins was just like DD (a cheeky monkey) and the other was quite calm & chilled, and DDs birth does keep coming up. you could be on to something.

[Tegam]

Oh bella. Birth isn't painful. I believe our feelings we label 'painful' is actually fear. And a home birth takes away all that stress and fear. Contraction are just waves of a muscle doing what it was designed for. It's not like an injury where a muscles been pulled or torn. It doesn't hurt to walk does it?? Am I making any sense??

Hoti. Ahhhhh per labour does my head in. It goes on for weeks but I do end up having nice short labours. I take Panadol, live with a hot pack between my legs and ignore ignore ignore. Hugs!

Jen great to hear from you!

Kelly. Oh to move in that heat be in the first trimester and have to unpack!!!! I feel your pain. Sending you energy vibes. You seeing a naturopath yet??

[BellyBelly]

Christy, so glad you can see why I have been banging on about hb on BB for so long. Its nothing to be feared; its so so BEAUTIFUL and life changing And you can also imagine the wishing I have felt too after all these years, and seeing so many others walk their homebirth journey before me - even those who were never considering it before - so awesome!!!

To be totally honest, I'm still kind of in shock about being pregnant and not much in that *space* yet, which makes me a little sad because its not how I expected it to be, but I am hoping for a transformative, amazing, calm birth. I hope my partner feels confident in my body, the birth and can really support me without being in his head too much. I know it can be scary, once I never thought I would have the guts to do this and wanted 'safety'. But now, after seeing so many births and my own, safety for me is at home with an independent midwife. I would never want to step foot in a hospital again because I dont want to be restricted, poked, prodded, bright lights glaring, cleaners and food people striding in, random medical people I don't know - what a production line....

[Bella29]

Tegam, with respect honey, I hear your heart, but I do think birth is painful for most women. I never had fear about getting my period each month. But it would soon strike with incredible pain and I would be sweating pale and unable to function without anti-inflammatories and panadiene.

When I prepared for my last birth I went and did a calm birth course. I listened to all of the info about the fear, tension, pain cycle and it made a lot of sense. It also however left me with very few coping skills to deal with the pain of labour I felt during my last birth because if I didn't fear it, it wasn't supposed to hurt right?? Because I went thru the birth centre I could take gas and pethadine, and I completely lost myself in a haze of both labour land and drugs. having said that I was completely overwhelmed with back pain at home, which is the reason I went to the BC in early labour. So it wasn't the environment that created the pain. I wasn't coping at home.....

I found denying that there would be pain involved left me completely unprepared emotionally and physically. Now not to say I think that women should live in fear of birth. Far from it. I believe that when their hormones are free to work because they are left alone and in dark, quiet, safe environments, their hormones work best to help them cope with the pain. Hence why home birth is easier for many women than the invasive environment of hospital. But I don't think it elliminates pain. Those hormones and endorphines are released in response to pain. I have been to 4 home births now, as a sometimes doula for girl friends and also for my sister. I have seen other births in hospitals. I have seen all of those women cope differently, but ultimately for all of them it hurt. Among those births there were some incredibly powerful women and powerful births, joyful births. I have spoken to other women who have experienced no pain. A doula friend of mine just witnessed an orgasmic birth a couple of months ago, where the mumma practically orgasamed as she gave birth..... but those certainly aren't common births. Not denying that it happens at all. Just that for most people it is a journey that includes pain.

I am really glad for you that birth isn't painful..... But I need to be prepared to cope if/when mine is. I know my body has what it takes to cope with pain... but that doesn't mean it will be painless iykwim?

[Eenee]

Bella: best thing to do is take one contraction at a time rather than thinking ive got ages to go. Just think that's one less. Kind of like walking up a huge flight of stairs don't think how many I've got to go think that's one less iykwim.

[BellyBelly]

Bella: Ive had a couple of Hypnobirthing clients in the past (especially early on in my first births) where it completely fell apart as they thought they would feel no pain. They are stuck because they have no back-up plan in their heads, it was just not going to hurt. So it was incredibly hard to work with mentally and physically - I wasnt trained in hypnobirthing and had to use my normal language and skills to try and bring things back down. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I always tell my clients, if you want to learn hypnobirthing, great, but also do your normal birth classes too (I recommend a handful) so if hypnobirthing isnt going to work for them, they have a back-up plan. You cant go wrong having a swag of tools in your toolbox. So I see what you're saying there.

[meow]

I found both my labours hurt and I wasn't scared of it, but it still happened. I laboured drug free with both and managed to go with it but it still hurt heaps. I'm amazed and happy (and envious) that some women have labours that don't hurt but it didn't happen for me. I'm the same in that I freak out if I'm not prepared for pain. I've had that happen after what I thought was going to be simple, pain free surgery and I ended up with sky high blood pressure and morphine. I need to mentally prepare and not be surprised in order to hold my composure and ride with it. You'll be awesome Bella!!

Hoti- I think you'll be revisiting, healing and reclaiming your daughter's birth too. The magic of a homebirth means that she gets to be part of that rebirth too. It's going to be such a healing experience

[Cricket]

First of all - congrats Jen on the beautiful birth of your little one! Looking forward to hearing more about it.

And, welcome Kelly! Hope the morning sickness eases for you soon! Sure is miserable. It's much easier to be excited about pregnancy once you're feeling better.


I've had two babies at home, and three at hospital. They were all painful. But there definitely is something to the fear/tension/pain cycle. With my first homebirth, I was a little bit nervous about how it would all go. I was not as relaxed as I could/should have been, and I think that was a factor there. After having my first two babies in 7 hours from first contraction to baby out, it took me 12 hours to get past 4cm with my first home birth. I became pretty tired and discouraged after working all day for "nothing". When labour really got started, and I finally progressed past 4cm, it went pretty quickly, and I was in the bath as fast as I could be. I definitely recommend using water in labour to anyone! I'd say nothing beats it for helping you relax during and between contractions. But I still came to a point where if someone offered me drugs, I would have taken them! And at transition, I was certainly feeling like I couldn't do it anymore, and I wanted to just be done. That's when you need a good support person at your side to tell you you CAN do it, you ARE doing it, and you're almost done.

With baby #5, I was much more relaxed and comfortable. I knew what to expect with a homebirth, knew what I wanted, and labour progressed really quickly, and much more easily than any previous delivery. I also had exercised (prenatal DVD) about 4 times a week throughout that pregnancy, and that also contributed to the better delivery. As labour started though, I remember thinking about all that would be ahead, and I remember saying to DH "I don't want to do this again!" and he just held me and told me I could do it, and it would be OK. It's like being way up high - you can't look down, you just have to take one step at a time. Don't think about hours of contractions ahead of you - just think about getting through this one. And then breathe, and relax when it ends. DS ended up being a brow presentation posterior baby, which made pushing challenging, but over all, it was a great birth, and I'm hoping things will go just as well with this new one.
I guess that's a bit of a ramble, but my point is, yes, labour hurts. It's hard work. But, being in the right "head space" is a BIG help. Having someone remind you to take one contraction at a time, and to help you relax and rest fully in between, and to encourage you when you need it will make a big difference. If you're feeling scared of labour, then line up someone who can really help you, whether that be educating your DH, calling up an experienced mom friend, or hiring a doula.

[Bella29]

Yeah I think that is what happened to me Kelly. I just didn't have a back up plan other than take the drugs. This time I want to have a better head space to cope with pain. Something along the lines of " it might not be easy, but it will be worth it"

Also I have great support this time. My MW is awesome! Very practical, very hands off, but very supportive. I also have a lively doula to provide physical and emotional support.

It is funny, I discussed hypnobirthing with my MW at one of my earliest appointments. I just didn't think then and I don't now that their is any point in trying to tell myself that it wouldn't hurt over and over when deep down I didn't really believe that. She said that she was almost to the point of not accepting clients who wanted to use hypnobirthing, because she had seen it not work so many times and like u described Kelly, it left ppl unable to cope. Or set them up for unrealistic expectations. She said she had had women go thru real grieving processes because they had pushed their babies out rather than breathed them out like they had had described. I find it sad whenever a woman is unhappy with her experience whatever the cause, and just want to see women follow their instincts rather than what a book describes.

So that is my challenge this time. Just to follow my instincts about how to cope, and pray that whatever happens I emerge empowered.

[Tegam]

Follow your instinct sounds perfect and very powerful. I am sorry if my post sounded offhandedly and not respectful to your view bella. I love the action and back up plans! Everyone needs them. I needed them to but my focus was just not on it being a 'painful' experience.

I grew up with a Hb MW mother. I had never heard of birth being a 'painful' experience, never. And I do believe that in many older cultures there is no relation to pain in birth. I feel incredibly lucky that I don't experience pain but that doesn't mean I don't experience them as challenging and hard work.

I have seen many births at work. Yes i have seen women in pain but also scared stiff. I find it hard to separate the two if that makes sense.

I have been doula for friends. Including four vbac women and none have experienced pain that required pain relief. These women have all been in a great place tho before birth.

When I say birth is not painful I am talking from my own experiences but I am NEVER suggesting it in a way that takes the right of another women to say their birth way painful! I respect that we all tell our own stories and we all must support each other!

Again I am sorry if I upset you. I totally agree with arming yourself with options

[Bella29]

No tegam honey, u didn't offend me at all. I totally respect your opinion. It isn't my opinion, but is great that we are all different iykwim?

I will respond more full tomorrow if I get a chance, but now I am off to bed!