My situation is a bit different, but I have also lost the dream of a home birth. After 2 perinatal losses, that weren't related to pregnancy or birth issues, there is too much fear for me to try a home birth. My fear, my husband's fear, my family's fear.

We've made arrangements with a private OB who has agreed to shared care with our IM. We trust her and our IM. So whilst we will have a private hospital birth (if we ever get there), we are hoping that having the right support people around means we will be able to have a better birth than would normally be expected in a private hospital. It will mean we should be able to have some of our antenatal appointments at home, which is awesome.

For me, it's not because I believe either I or our child would be better off in hospital. In fact, I truly believe for low risk pregnancies, homebirth is the best option. It was the best option for us before we lost our sons, as that is where I feel safest. However, although I am a birthing goddess, I am now high risk. Also, for mental health reasons, there is no way I'll go a day beyond 39wk6days. I have seen too many sad stories and cannot go there.

I will probably always feel sad about not having a home birth. Like all grief, it's just something I come to terms with. I resent it and others' stories can make me feel sad and jealous, but it's just something I'm dealing with.
Huge hugs to you hun.

I know in the lead up to Daley's birth DP was very anxious about losing Daley. I think this carried on from Reid's death. I myself carried some fear with me however my desire to birth at home was stronger than these fears and my instincts told me that all would be well with him. I can totally understand the fear you have and respect you for having come to terms with that fear and accepting it.

In hindsight, I think the odds have always been against me when deciding to homebirth. With each pregnancy I had after deciding that the next babe would be born at home, there were challenges and losses. It almost seemed like I wasnt supposed to birth at home because of the third stage complications I have. Despite all that, if I could find a safe way to homebirth, I would. If I knew we could put measures in place to reduce the chances of another retained placenta and PPH, I wouldn't think for a second about doing it.

Thanks for sharing your point of view hun. I much appreciate it!
xxx