Losing the Dream to Homebirth

[Ilithyia]

Is now a reality for me and it comes with such a heartache that I didn't imagine

I had my 2nd retained placenta and PPH with my recent birth. Both times the placenta was still well adhered to the uterus despite all attempts to have it come normally. Both times I've had to be taken away from my babe's to have a MROP under GA. Both times I've lost a significant amount of blood and needed a blood transfusion.

A part of me is still hopeful that I could birth at home but the other part wonders if its worth the risk. Nothing is worth my life other than my babies. But acknowleding that fact hurts a lot.

Has anyone else had to come to terms with this? How did you deal with your feelings? What did you do with your next birth to make it feel like a homebirth?

TIA!
xx

[LionsandBears]

My situation is a bit different, but I have also lost the dream of a home birth. After 2 perinatal losses, that weren't related to pregnancy or birth issues, there is too much fear for me to try a home birth. My fear, my husband's fear, my family's fear.

We've made arrangements with a private OB who has agreed to shared care with our IM. We trust her and our IM. So whilst we will have a private hospital birth (if we ever get there), we are hoping that having the right support people around means we will be able to have a better birth than would normally be expected in a private hospital. It will mean we should be able to have some of our antenatal appointments at home, which is awesome.

For me, it's not because I believe either I or our child would be better off in hospital. In fact, I truly believe for low risk pregnancies, homebirth is the best option. It was the best option for us before we lost our sons, as that is where I feel safest. However, although I am a birthing goddess, I am now high risk. Also, for mental health reasons, there is no way I'll go a day beyond 39wk6days. I have seen too many sad stories and cannot go there.

I will probably always feel sad about not having a home birth. Like all grief, it's just something I come to terms with. I resent it and others' stories can make me feel sad and jealous, but it's just something I'm dealing with.

[Ilithyia]

My situation is a bit different, but I have also lost the dream of a home birth. After 2 perinatal losses, that weren't related to pregnancy or birth issues, there is too much fear for me to try a home birth. My fear, my husband's fear, my family's fear.

We've made arrangements with a private OB who has agreed to shared care with our IM. We trust her and our IM. So whilst we will have a private hospital birth (if we ever get there), we are hoping that having the right support people around means we will be able to have a better birth than would normally be expected in a private hospital. It will mean we should be able to have some of our antenatal appointments at home, which is awesome.

For me, it's not because I believe either I or our child would be better off in hospital. In fact, I truly believe for low risk pregnancies, homebirth is the best option. It was the best option for us before we lost our sons, as that is where I feel safest. However, although I am a birthing goddess, I am now high risk. Also, for mental health reasons, there is no way I'll go a day beyond 39wk6days. I have seen too many sad stories and cannot go there.

I will probably always feel sad about not having a home birth. Like all grief, it's just something I come to terms with. I resent it and others' stories can make me feel sad and jealous, but it's just something I'm dealing with.

Huge hugs to you hun.

I know in the lead up to Daley's birth DP was very anxious about losing Daley. I think this carried on from Reid's death. I myself carried some fear with me however my desire to birth at home was stronger than these fears and my instincts told me that all would be well with him. I can totally understand the fear you have and respect you for having come to terms with that fear and accepting it.

In hindsight, I think the odds have always been against me when deciding to homebirth. With each pregnancy I had after deciding that the next babe would be born at home, there were challenges and losses. It almost seemed like I wasnt supposed to birth at home because of the third stage complications I have. Despite all that, if I could find a safe way to homebirth, I would. If I knew we could put measures in place to reduce the chances of another retained placenta and PPH, I wouldn't think for a second about doing it.

Thanks for sharing your point of view hun. I much appreciate it!
xxx