I was given synthetic oxytocin to augment my labour, despite being nearly fully dilated. After only one hour it caused uterine hyperstimulation, despite the fact that I was only given a low dose. I delivered my baby very quickly and tore badly. For those who are interested, or facing a similar situation, I have written my story in detail below. I want other women to know that even if your labour is not following the 'typical' pattern, it doesn't mean it is dysfunctional. Our bodies are all different. Resist the pressure to be induced and trust that your body is doing the work it is meant to do. I wish I had.

The first sign that my baby was on her way came when my waters broke on the evening of Wednesday 28th August. I started having light contractions within a couple of hours. Steadily they got stronger and stronger, although they were quite far apart and irregular in spacing. By the next day, the midwives were already urging me to have an induction, due to "prolonged rupture of membranes" and the (rather overstated) risk of an infection. However, I was armed with the facts, and managed to buy myself some more time, but as a compromise agreed to come in to the hospital regularly for monitoring (this scourge on labouring women is deserving of a separate rant some other time). My contractions, despite being irregular and far apart, were quite strong by the Thursday night. There was no possible way I could sleep through them. I had to focus and control my breathing. My TENS and Swiss ball were a godsend. I felt that I was progressing, so on Friday I begged for yet more time, and eventually was given a deadline of Saturday morning before the dreaded intervention would start. This caused me a lot of anxiety. I was made to feel like I was not even in labour and that I was making a big fuss over my contractions for nothing. I was filled with so much doubt, and on Friday I remember I told my husband, "I'm so ashamed of myself. Why doesn't my body know what to do to get the baby out?" If this wasn't labour, I couldn't even imagine how it was going to be once I actually started dilating.

So finally I was admitted on the morning of Saturday 31st August, after more than 50 hours of irregular (but strong) contractions, averaging ten minutes apart (ranging between six and 15 minutes apart). By this stage I was very relieved to have access to the gas. A doctor was called to give an internal examination and approve my 'induction'. The midwives were genuinely shocked when she reported that I was 8cm dilated (10 minutely contractions, remember!). She told the midwives that there was no need to induce, and I could continue on.

Despite this, three hours later they put me on the synthetic oxytocin drip to augment my labour, because in their words, "it's not possible to push a baby out with contractions ten minutes apart", and it was going to take me "dozens and dozens more contractions" before I was ready to push. It was never phrased as though I had a choice. They never asked me, and I never said yes. I wish I had memorised the phrase, "you do not have my consent", but I was not prepared for the fact that my medical treatment would be presented as opt out, rather than opt in. Before I knew it the IV had been inserted and the drip connected up.

They were aiming to get me to four contractions in ten minutes. As per standard procedure, they started the drip at 2 milliunits / min, then upped it to 4 after half an hour, and up to 6 after another half hour (it goes up as high as 32). Despite assuring me it would increase the frequency of my contractions, the only difference to my labour was that the contractions became exhaustingly painful.

They had me lying on the bed while they tried to attach an internal monitor to my baby's scalp (which was a hugely uncomfortable position to be stuck in during contractions) when the drip was turned up to 6. Suddenly, I was screaming in pain with a contraction that lasted several minutes; it just went on and on and wouldn't let up. My HR was ridiculously high, and the machine was urgently beeping a warning. I was vaguely aware of the word "hyperstimulated" spoken in urgent tones, and they turned the drip down straight away. At some point they turned it off altogether, though I'm not sure exactly when this happened.

Still contracting, I ran (somehow!) into the bathroom, as I felt a desperate need to get something 'out'. I was screaming for morphine, and one of the midwives had gone to fetch some. Before I knew it I was holding onto the sink in a deep squat. Another midwife was yelling "Don't push! Don't push! You're not fully dilated." I yelled back that I could feel the baby's head slipping down, and they finally understood that I was having my baby and ran to put a mattress down on the floor for me.

My baby girl was in my arms 18 minutes later. I pushed her out in three contractions, still coming a bit less than ten minutes apart (despite this being an apparently impossible feat). Even though this part of the labour was an amazing experience, I think that due to the oxytocin, she came a little too fast. I sustained a deep tear to the perineum, and completely tore one of my labia. It took an hour and a half to have my stitches done. I know that tears are common for first time mums, and I was willing to accept that as a consequence of a natural vaginal birth, but because I was put on the oxytocin 'against my will', I can't help but feel that these injuries were done *to* me. It's a distressing feeling.

On the face of it, I achieved what I set out to - I laboured using only the gas for pain relief, and had an unassisted vaginal birth. But the feeling that decisions were not in my hands and that I'll never know what my body would have done on its own leaves me with deep regret that I did not fight harder against the augmentation.