Bon, no, it doesn't sound like a selfish decision. I mean, I could have persisted with the expressing I guess for a bit longer but nothing would ever have changed the fact that my baby just wouldn't suck. No matter how much I attempted to stimulate the flow with an electric breast pump, it was never going to work as well than if the child had at least the desire to get food from my breasts in some form.

I arranged to take 12 months maternity leave specifically so that I could breastfeed my son exclusively for that time. I wanted to breastfeed so that I could protect him from the asthma/hayfever I had suffered as a child. I realise that there is no guarantee that he won't have the same problems even if I had breastfed but I wanted to cover all the bases. When breastfeeding fell over early on, I was devastated really.

I have nothing else to add to what you've already said ... it's pretty much how I feel.