Do your parents support you and your parenting approach?

[briggsy's girl]

i am parenting at almost the polar opposite to my parents - my mum didn't BF, she engaged controlled crying (and encouraged others to do the same), smacked etc. while i was pregnant, i told her how it was going to be. no smacking, no CIO, i would BF until we are ready to stop - my baby, my way. in all honesty, i expected comments. my parents aren't backwards in coming forward and saying what they think - whether people want to hear it or not.

BUT, they have been really supportive. mum has asked me how i deal with different circumstances and she engages the same techniques when she is responsible for DD (we've been landscaping for them and leaving DD with mum). i can tell by how DD responds to my parents that they're following our way of thinking. they parented me by intimidation - DD shows no signs of being intimidated (and she is very vocal when she isn't comfortable with stuff!)

the only thing i personally have struggled with is the BF thing around my mum - not that she judges - in fact, she is VERY supportive - but she was unable to BF us, and comments often on how she wishes she'd been able to. i worry about how it's making her feel. she suffers depression and has done since her sister died when they were children - i just hope that my ability to BF isn't impacting her.

[Nai]

My mum is great and really supports any decisions that DP and I make in relation to our parenting style. She also does her own research and reading and offers helpful suggestions about the latest research etc. She was a primary school teacher though so it's not surprising.

MIL wasn't supportive at all especially in relation to BF but DP told her her that we were doing it our way. She later apologised and admited we were doing a wonderful job with our girls and they were a testament to our parenting

[tk1999]

I have just finished reading the ABA booklet "Especially for Grandparents" and thought of it straight away when I read this thread.

It can be hard for our parents (and PIL) to adjust to the role of grandparent rather than parent - I live in hope that the adjustment runs quickly for my PIL soon

[Pandora]

No, they dont, and they actively undermine it whether we are present or not, in our home or in theirs.

They make comments to DS along the lines of 'you wont do XYZ in MY house..just becuase you have no discipline at home.." etc

We cant win, esp. DH. If we dont reprimand our child the way they would, we're not doing it right. If DH does, hes overreating and shouldnt be so hard on him. Its a no win sitaution with them, nothing is good enough.

Mind you these are parents who would like corporal punishment to be brought back in at school.

[allycat06]

I'm lucky to have a very supportive mum, for most things anyway. She practiced co-sleeping, babywearing and long term BFing herself and always encourages me to keep doing these things for as long as DS needs, so have never had any issues there. She can't however get her head around baby led solids and how we have chosen to delay vaccinating. We bump heads most over BLS, she constantly frets over him worrying about choking blah blah, even though he has never done so.
My MIL is pretty good too, the only thing she comments on is how DS sleeps in our room/bed, I can tell she thinks it is silly but usually holds her tongue.

My friends are the ones who I have the most trouble with but I don't let it bother me too much as only one of them actually has children. I am more amused by the fact they have the nerve to try and tell me what DH and I doing is wrong when they have no babies themselves. I have one friend who has a daughter 3mths older than DS, she does CC and gave up BFing after 2 months because she couldn't be bothered anymore (her words), so we clash a lot when it comes to parenting choices. I rarely see her but once we were out shopping together and I kept going to the parents room every 2hrs to feed DS after a while she asked me 'why do you keep feeding him so often?' Me: umm because he's hungry. She then proceeding to tell me that when she was BFing she only fed her daughter every 4 hrs even if she was screaming cos she needed to learn that she couldn't eat whenever she liked.

In the end I know what works for me and my baby but it does get really annoying having to constantly explain yourself only to get people rolling their eyes at you or telling you what you SHOULD be doing.

[Vixstar]

Not being rude or anyhting but - bugga them! This is your time to be a parent, they have had them.

I wanted to bf till 12 months but due to some issues with PND and Mastitis (6 weeks of it ) I had to wean DS#1 - which I do not regret at all as it helped me with my PND. DS#2 self weaned and no matter how many times i offered me to him...he just bit me...HARD! Hopefully number 3 lets me!

I am always truely envious of anyone who can continue breastfeeding. I am shocked at alot of grnadparents who were parents in the 60's and 70's that are so quick to say FF when things seems to get a bit tricky for whatever reason. They are so quick to judge IMO.

I used to rock my eldest to sleep when he was over tired or feed him to sleep on the breast....DS#2....at the nearly big age of 2 has twice recently let me rock him to sleep when we have been at the inlaws. I treasure all those moments.

YOU are doing a WONDERFUL JOB. 10 /10 hun....keep up the hard, yet rewarding work.!

xxxx

[alioops]

No, they dont, and they actively undermine it whether we are present or not, in our home or in theirs.

They make comments to DS along the lines of 'you wont do XYZ in MY house..just becuase you have no discipline at home.." etc

We cant win, esp. DH. If we dont reprimand our child the way they would, we're not doing it right. If DH does, hes overreating and shouldnt be so hard on him. Its a no win sitaution with them, nothing is good enough.

Mind you these are parents who would like corporal punishment to be brought back in at school.

Sounds like my parents.

When they come up they ignore all of our discipline and smack our kids, and I wince every time. We made such good progress with Em and then as soon as mum was gone we were back to square 1. I need to put my foot down.