Hi Salsa

You are not alone. I think my experience was quite similar to yours and I've been thinking about posting this very same topic myself so thank you. I was also in a private Melbourne hospital where a combination of bad advice and then over-zealous attempts by midwives made for a very bad experience. This is what happened to me (I'm sorry this is so long but I REALLY needed to vent):

Did not feed immediately (my choice, was exhausted)
Did attempt a feed within half an hour (not v successful but didn't panic)
Tried again a few hours later (more successful)
Tried again during the night (not v successful so midwife expressed milk for me. From talking to friends it seems that the midwives on night shift are very keen to express for you because it is quicker than spending time showing you again how to attach)
Checked how often I should be feeding (my baby was not waking for feeds). Was told six hourly.
Continued feeding six hourly until late on day 2. We weren't having a great success but it wasn't totally disastrous either if you know what I mean. Sometimes I ask for midwife's help, sometimes not.
Next midwife asks me why I'm only feeding six hourly. I say because that's what I was told and my baby wasn't waking before that anyway.
She says, oh no, you should be feeding 4 hourly at the very least.
Go to four hourly. Now midwives are shoving my babies head on to my nipple about 20 times per feed which is taking at least an hour each time. I'm not too concerned about this, taking a "whatever it takes" attitude. Plus my nipples are cracking. Again, whatever.
Day 3 they do the normal weigh of the baby. She has lost more than 10% of her birthweight. Now it's panic stations. They tell me "you have to feed every 3 hours".
Now, I crack the s***ts. I say perhaps she's lost the weight because you d***heads told me to feed her every six hours for the first couple of days and I've half-starved her. I tell them to talk to my partner, not me, because I'm completely over the lot of them because they can't get their story straight. Midwife tells me I should never have been told six-hourly and I should make a complaint to the hospital.
Midwife gets more senior midwife. I tearfully relay the whole sorry story. She says "oh no, that other midwife was a bit over the top. You don't have to feed three-hourly, feed every four hours."
But, she says, if she hasn't put on any weight tomorrow, we're not discharging you. Now so stressed that next feeds are very unsuccessful. They get me to express, no milk (milk had not come in yet anyway). They say, you'll have to give formula. I say I don't want to. They say they will have to keep me in then. I reluctantly agree to formula to get the hell out of there.
OK, time comes for discharge. I ask for medical records (to arm myself for complaint). At this point they send lactation consultant (surprise, surprise). She tells me I have flat nipples, to use a nipple shield and when I get home to try with a nipple shield, to express after each feed and to supplement with formula. She also says "I always find it remarkable that women have so much trouble with breastfeeding. You don't find that in the animal world." Because she has my breast in her hand, I hold myself back from telling her "well perhaps it's because in the animal world they don't have 15 different midwives telling them 15 different things".

Anyhow, I could go on and on and on obviously but I think that when health professionals are offering women advice about breastfeeding, they also need to consider the mental health of the woman.

It is extremely difficult to be torn between wanting to give breastfeeding your very best shot (in my case what the lactation consultant had recommended it was taking 2.5 hours per feed, every 3-4 hours = exhausting) and feeling that by doing so, you are not bonding with your baby. For the first seven weeks of my baby's life I was totally obsessed with feeding and the 'do I stop expressing or do I give breastfeeding another red hot go". I was not really functioning. I was either giving her a bottle or expressing or reading about how to try breasfeeding again or feeling guilty about doing anything because it meant I wasn't expressing.

I only got 'closure' when I tried my baby on my breast again at about 7 weeks (after not trying since the hospital). She attached very, very easily. I thought "gee, no wonder people who breastfeed can't understand why some people can't". I could see what it should be like. I know it sounds ironic but at that point I forgave myself for not being able to breastfeed earlier and I decided to stop expressing and go fully onto formula. I just could not bear any more obsessing about feeding especially as my supply was down to about 100ml a day and I knew it would be another merry-go-round of medication, very frequent feedings and expressing to get my supply up.

As I said to my MCHN, I was sick of feeling guilty playing with my daughter because I felt I should be expressing.

And as a very lovely counsellor from the ABA told me "there is much more to motherhood than breastfeeding".

But my research won't go to waste. Next time I will be much better educated and will have a much better idea of what to do if we run into problems.

Sorry for the length!