stopping expressing

[belfie]

so we've been exclusively expressing since about 8 weeks, and made it to 9 months - which was one of many goals along the way.

I THINK it's time to stop. I think my DH thinks it's time to stop. But I'm still having difficulty thinking this through and working out what I want to do. And I keep feeling like well if I CAN keep going, I should keep going. BUT, I seem to be struggling with my mood over the last few months, I'm currently going through some tests for diabetes (stressful after GD in my PG), and I'm back at work in 8 weeks. So many reasons to stop.

I was thinking I would slowly reduce DS's EBM and giving him FF would be good for his system, allowing it to adjust. But I was going to only express twice today (I've been doing 3 times a day) but I made it to now, and I felt too full, so I'm doing a short express. Plus, I just had a pang because my pump attachments were sitting in the sink all day because I hadn't used them! Honestly, I think I'm kinda scared my supply will drop too quick and there will be suddenly no EBM before I'm mentally prepared IYKWIM. And this makes me wonder if I am ready or not?

My supply has never been a long way ahead of DS, and I've found taking RLT very useful. I think just stopping the RLT(which I have the last 2 days) and also cutting back expresses to 3 a day has already had an impact.

Then I think...oh maybe I could still express twice a day & take RLT... but then I think that maybe mentally I need to just stop altogether. Then I think I'm being selfish . Add to this that DS has eczema & hives (unknown cause) and DH reacts to milk protein and I have fructose malabsoprtion - we had many reasons to try and give him the best start possible (don't we all though really?).


Pros & cons of stopping:
Pros:

• It would probably good for my sex life with DH to NOT be on a pump 3-4 times a day
• Give me some "me" time before I go back to work
• DS's system will probably need to cope with some FF again at some stage (he did have some FF up until about 10 weeks old), so doing this now gives us time to do it gradually and see how we go (and back out if needed!)
• I don't know if the constant effort/timing/planning is adding to my stress too much
• I don't know how I could manage a morning pump once I go back to work (it's an early start, I don't know how I could manage it).
• Am I just being a martyr to this darn pump?

Cons:

• It's good for DS - particularly with his skin & our food sensitivities
• He has hardly ever been sick and he is a very "snuffly" boy, so I think the EBM has helped there.
• It's good for my metabolism & weight loss
• does reduce diabetes risk with improved insulin metabolism)
• I'd hate to "gain" the pumping time only to lose it looking after a sick boy!
• It makes me feel really good about myself as a mum, that I've given him this gift

Sorry this is really waffly, but it's helping to get my thoughts out. I'm just taking my 110ml to the fridge...so small I just don't know if I'm ready to do this or not. My head says yes, but my heart... I just don't know

I thought of ringing the ABA but I felt like they'd just try to talk me into keeping going (i'm probably projecting).

Thanks for putting up with my waffle.

[STARRYSKY]

hi belfie, I didnt want to read all that and then not post, but im not much help sorry hun, I hope you come to a decision thats suits you and your ds, with the least amount of stress possible.
lots of big squishy hugs, maybe ring the ABA if you feel you are up to it, im sure they will be very understanding. xx

[ezymay]

Ah Belfie my fellow EE buddy! I posted my stopping thread today too!!! I feel terribly guilty but I really feel for me its time, so feel a bit good about as well. IYKWIM.
From friday I am just going to express for comfort. I think..that's the plan, will see what happens. I am down to 2 times a day now anyway. I have been slowly introducing the formula. Mixing the 2 together. I can understand what you mean about stopping the RL. I stopped the motillium and was surprised at how much my supply dropped. I didn't really wean off the meds like your supposed to tho.
The morning pump before work was going to be too much so that was one of my reasons too.

What ever you decide to do know you have done a GREAT job!!!!

[MantaRay]

oh hun, what a big decision! You have done such an awesome job and you should be very proud. I had to exclusively express for just 2 days and I was exhausted, so I really have a lot of admiration for you.

Obviously only you can make the decision, but I hope it's helped you to write your thoughts out. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, but only you can decide what is going to work for you. FWIW I am pretty sure the ABA counsellor wouldn't try to talk you into continuing, so if you think it would help to talk to someone, by all means give the helpline a call.

I wish you all the very best with this decision hun.

[Jennifer13]

belfie, I think you've done an amazing job (you too ezymay!) and should be very proud of yourself. Just the fact that you are considering this so carefully is a testament to how much you put your DS's needs before your own.

and support for you, whatever you decide. And hun, the ABA is there to support weaning mothers as well, weaning is a part of our bfing journey, no matter when it happens, so I'm sure they'll have some good advice for you.

[Mak]

Belfie - what an amazing job you have done! Whatever you decide please don't feel guilty (easier said than done I know).
Make the decision that is right for you - it is such an emotional decision though. Take care and be kind to yourself.

PS I love your lists - something I do all the time!