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I think it is up to individuals when it is time for them to have a baby.. I don't think age always matters! What i do think that matters is being able to provide for the child.. Every child deserves to be brought into a world that can provide financially as well as emotionally.
LOL - we just tell people "what can we say, we're breeders!":
I know this is a forum for younger couples but if it's any consolation, people constantly think/ask whether my baby is planned. I'm 38 and my partner is 44! But we've only been together for a couple of years so I guess they think it's been pretty quick! What they don't know is that this is our second pregnancy and that I actually got pregnant when we'd only been together for two months. Now that would have really freaked them out!
So try not to take silly comments to heart. It's no-one else's business.
Hi.
Our first was a big accident LOL we totally can pin point when it happened and know how naughty we were about it because it was a very memorable night. HAHA Don't take me the wrong way it wasn't a crazy night, just the circumstances.:cryinglaugh:
Anyway, the difference to me is that even thought the pregnancy wasn't PLANNED the baby was. We had the option to abort or adopt out but we PLANNED to have this baby and care for him. He is our Prince and we now have our 'PLANNED' Princess with us too.
She happened straight away when trying.
LIFE itself never goes to plan so it's great having surprises along the way I think.
Most people are jealous rather than judging because they don't have what you do, either youth or real love or a strong spirit.
That is terrible that you get these opinions, it is no one elses business. What I find interesting is that 20-30 years ago it was common to be married at 20 and bubs soon after. Why should it matter to others when you and your partner decide to have bubs. Princess confused I would ask your MIL how old she was when she was married/pregnant.
It is frustrating isn't it?!? When I told my family that I was pg they all freaked out and thought I was too young and had so much more to do in life etc etc (don't get me wrong they were happy after it sunk in but their initial reaction made me feel crappy). They realised that even if I was 40 they would still think I was too young... I have always been the 'baby' of the family.
When we told everyone... they all said "So, it was an accident wasn't it?". It was an accident but we were planning on starting a family but not for another 6 months as we were getting married. We were over the moon when we found out that I was pg and have never looked back.
Why are people so nosy, inconsiderate and well sometimes just plain rude!! :wall:
whenever I get that question I just say that my baby was a nice surprise :).
Whilst my baby, wasn't planned, i still don't think it's fair to assume it's an accident.
I hate having to say over and over again, yes i was on the pill, no i've not had a problem in the two years beforehand. I can't believe the amount of people got on their high horse to tell me that i was stupid for not using more than one contraceptive method.
Or the so-called friends, that if i say i'm too tired to go out to a movie, or i'm not feeling well, or that i'm moody and mopey etc, they can get up and say, well it's your fault, you chose to keep the baby, or suddenly shun me because they can't for one second be understanding or supportive enough of the fact that i'm having a baby, and my life's going to change!
I think the most... amusing? part of it all, is that my best friends would turn around and go omg are you ok, oh no what are you going to do, shock horror, right our friendships over because we can't party anymore, and yet, in the sh*tscared state we were of telling out parents, they gave us the biggest congratulations!
Mumzy, you make a good point, i think i shall use this excuse to anyone and everyone from now on. I made a choice, to have the baby, accident or not accident, i'm still having the baby. DF has a good job, we've applied for a loan for a house, it's now very planned. Thank you for giving me a new perspective on how to introduce my life to people!
ETA - To AmyM, she's sound like a total b*tch! I know the grandparents of our families are like that, because they were the same when their kids had kids. They adore them now, but i think they find it uneasy because our parents have been so accepting, but when it was their children it was like they had been defiant little beasts!
I'm thankful, that my parents, and the P-IL were the most accepting people we announced our news to. DF and i have only been together 7 months and would have been 3 months when i fell PG, and his parents live in NSW and we're in VIc, so i was yet to meet them. I was terrified of telling them before we went to visit, but as i had a fairly distended abdomen, extreme nausea and aversions to everything under the sun, it even looked obvious, (we found out at six, decided to keep it at seven), so we told them the week before we left and they were still welcoming with open arms.
Hey all,
It's been a while since I last wrote in this thread but I have been reading your comments!! Thanks to all for the words of advice and support. Now that I'm getting close to having Ryan the questions are now "are you excited?" "are you nervous?" and by people who don't know me "is this your first baby?". Seems with impending bubs it doesn't matter now if he was an accident or not. I still get asked occassionally but I just say "no he wasn't an accident" and get either "its lovely to see a young mum" or "how old are you??". I told my nan that I was sick of people thinking it was an accident and told her what happened, I think it's slowly seeped through the family grape vine on the quiet but now no one seems to care as much they just want to meet him.
A lot of friends have come back offering baby clothes, and pretending they were supportive and so happy for me the whole way through. I'm not saying anything because I really can't be bothered putting negative energy and time into holding grudges. I just know at the end of the day who to put my time and effort into keeping in contact with and the rest I'm not going out of my way for.
I got some 4D photos done, even my dad who told me I had ruined my life and wanted me to miscarry has now turned to mush and is all excited about having a grandson. We bought a house we're doing up slowly bit by bit, we are rid of Dad2be's psycho ex, and all the bills are in credit. We've achieved more in the short time together than anyone else in my family has and have had some emotional up's and down's and some catfights from stress and adjusting but everything is going really well now.
It still annoys me, I felt so helpless and upset through the start of pregnancy, part of me really resents the lack of support but part of me is glad I got through the ups and downs on my own in a way, don't feel I owe anyone and that I am stronger than I thought I could be, if that makes sense...
To all those that have been through the same thing, all I can really say is the advice about once you're holding your bubs you won't care is true, I'm not even holding Ryan yet but seeing his chubby cheeks in the ultrasound and knowing he'll soon be in my arms is really enough to make you say bleep the lot of them and their comments. Dad2be and I have made a fat and healthy little bub and none of their comments can change that :)
I can definately agree that peoples opinions do change.. I had some people who said to me that if they were me they'd be having an abortion and then as I got more pregnant they were getting excited and when i had the baby they said oh job well done... but those people I dont really bother talking to anymore because i just think they're not true friends. As for the people who u know who werent interested because u couldnt go out and party and saying it's your fault... they just need to grow up... they sound really immature and im sure that when u do have your baby and start getting out to mums groups and play groups and all those sorts of fun things you'll make a whole new bunch of friends and just forget those other people... because as I said they just need to grow up... good on you both for choosing to bring a precious little life into the world.. I hope you enjoy every minute of it... it can be hard but it's worth it!.
See the weird thing was that I barely saw them anyway. I never went out to party unless it was a nice dinner party (I hate the loud music, get trashed and stumbled to bed and not move for 3 days sort of parties) so I'm not sure what some people's issues were lol.
One thing that seems to have come out is that no one thought I'd be a mum. I wanted kids but they all saw me as the quiet studious one that they all thought would do well in studies and have a career because I never spoke about children to them because it was none of their business. None of them can believe I wanted my first by 23, 2 by 25 and 3 by 28 and no more after 30 lol. I want kids first while i study and career later, I feel that's what works FOR ME. I think it's also that most of the people in my schooling circle to have kids, have been party animals and have had kids from one night stands and just want to live off Government payments while they party, theres a mentality that kids seem to be "only by mistake". Most are still studying, don't work, don't have stable relationships and still live at home or in share accomodation to afford a sydney party lifestyle. We have a (now) more stable relationship, bought a house, I'm half way through a uni degree and have a baby on the way any hour/day/week now...
As I said before it's upsetting that I didn't get the support at the start when I really needed it but better late than never!
Ours was planned but not for at least another 12 months and he/she is an unexpected, but welcomed surprise!! DS was also a surprise, but I wouldn't have it any other way as I have the most darling little man.
You're quite well within your rights to voice how you feel that a person's comments are unwelcome and inappropriate. That would shut them up. My BIL once asked me if my acrylic nails were "fake" in front of a group of people and I said, "yes X, they are FAKE...". That shut him up.
I get this as well. I went to a medical centre for some blood tests when pregnant with #2, and the dr gave me information on abortion and when I said no he said did I want to organise a dna test to see who the father is!! SO not only did he imply it was an accident, he implied that I didnt know who the father was - so therefore was sleeping around! Grr
That is so rude!. did you change dr's after that?
Wow hamilton that's absolutely disgusting, how rude I hope he got in trouble!
My Fiance and I didn't plan our bubba (for another 3 yrs), but we weren't really preventing it either. I had the morning after pill....guess he was determined.
It was a shock at first but now we both couldn't be happier!
When Joel told the guys at work (all young army boys) one of his "mates" said "Your and idiot, what were you thinking??? Your too young" Joel just glared at him and I think he got the picture.
I just think that it is disgusting that people feel that they can make a comment about another persons life like that. Just because it's something that they don't want!!!Their beliefs should never come into it.
Don't worry about what people say. You are in a loving relationship with your partner and have bought a little piece of the both of you into this world to love, nurture and cherish. That is all that matters!!!
I hear stories like this and think to myself, if people are looking at people your age, who are 22 and 23 etc, who have stable jobs and relationships, what they can say about people who are my age and in my situation. I really think they have no right to judge... It takes a lot of strength to have the decision to have a baby, and obviously they think we're too young because they're not ready to grow up and take on such responsibilites, if that makes sense.
congrats celtic moon! Sorry, i didnt see your post sooner. I see you just had your son. Thats why these forums are so great, you have a built in support group without judgement
Ladies
I am 31 now ( very old I know) but I was only 19 when I fell pg with DS1. I knew it could happen but with the Ex not wanting to use anything and me being very naive, I didn't say anything. The ex and I split when he found out about DS1 and refused to have anything to do with him.
I was 22 with DD2, and I took the morning after pill!
DS2 was conceived when I was 24, and then 11 months later DD2 was conceived.
I was a later mum with my last two though.
What I am trying to say is, ppl can be rude! If ppl said anything to me, I just turned and walked away, my thoughts were if they were going to be rude, then I can be rude straight back.
Thanks rockchick, yep this thread just keeps on keeping on lol. Now I just get the "you don't look like you've just had a baby" and "wow you look young to be a mum!" I just say "yep avon does wonders" lol. But at the same time I get people ask if he is my first, if he isn't where's the rest of the tribe I only have one pram with one kidlet LOL
I got really annoyed with people assuming that my pregnancy wasn't planned too.
During my pregnancy, my fingers swelled up so badly I was unable to wear my wedding and engagement rings, and I began to notice very obvious stares from strangers that would take in the expanding belly, then move to the left hand and eyebrows would shoot up in disapproval when they noticed there were no rings.
And yes, the 'But you're so young, why would you want to ruin your life by having kids so early?' (direct quote, by the way) comments really irked me. I've always planned on marrying young and starting a family ASAP... I can always have a career when the kids go to school, rather than wait until my system is shot and then having to spend a fortune on IVF or something. To me, being a mum, whether young or not-so-young, is a much more rewarding career than any other profession you care to name, so I'm proud to be a 21-year-old mum. People need to stop being so close-minded and realise that sometimes young people make the best parents.
I think it is disgusting the way our society judges. Us younger mums don't judge those who wait till they're 35 before ttc. It's just not fair! if we weren't meant to have kids at 19, we wouldn't get our period then! also, there is a huge difference with being mentally young and age young.
that's my rant 4 today :D
Congrats on the birth of your DS Celticmoon.
I'm 18, DP is 20, and our daughter was a . . . surprise lol. People do judge, but unfortunately, there's nothing you can do. I didn't have the experience of friends ditching me because of my pregnancy, but I did lose a lot because all of a sudden, I couldn't go out and get drunk or whatever and wasn't very fun to be around anymore. I don't know, to be honest, you don't even seem that young to me! But perhaps thats because I was 17 when I became pregnant.
lol, one thing a few people commented on was that my 21st was 4 days before Ryan was born. "At least you can say you were a mum at 21 not 20!" Really what's the difference?
Lol. I don't think there is any difference. You're still 21, with or without a baby.
Haha. It's not like your life stops.
Our son wasn't planned. I had him a couple months before I turned 20.
I wouldn't change anything for the world.
I actually think this planned pregnancy now is more nerve-racking then the first one.
lol.
xx
What is wrong with society? Is there a big book to say when you should fall pregnant?
Well my DP and I are having our first, it was planned and I'm 29...I would never judge someone who is 18 having a baby because a lot of them take responsibility and turn out to be excellent Mums, even those who are single.
There was actually a thread on here about Britney Spears' sister getting pregnant at 16. So what! Do you personally know her and her circumstances? I really think there are far too many judgemental people out there.
Celtic Moon, just shrug them off, friends come and go...it's those true friends that stick with you...
Bindy, I just realised you are due!!! let us know how you go!! :D and congratulations!!!
Celticmoon, I agree with Bindy, True friends will stick by you!! And also I had to laugh at the comment made to you about being 21 not 20. Brendan was due 2 weeks before my 21st Bday, so I knew I was going to be a mum at 20.... but Brendan came 1day before my XP's Bday, so he was at dad at 20 too!!! And there is no difference it's not like when you turn 21 you become more responsible and able to look after a baby?!! If you weren't like it the day before you're not now!! LOL funny business......
I crack my self up when people ask about Brendan and the comments about how young I am and my reply is , he was planned (We weren't actively TTC, just not stopping nature!)!! The expressions are priceless!!!
Have Fun tonight Girls! Take Care
My parents keep asking me if we are using contraception.
Im not ready to tell them im pregnant yet.. Im only almost 6 weeks and if i lose the baby again i feel mum would be even more upset.
PLUS: I dont want to tell them yet. DP and I are having a great time just keeping it to ourselves!
I know they are going to think that bubs is an accident.. but we are going to push the fact that we wanted this bub and tried for him/her
Banx, I know a lot of people who wait until 12 wks to tell people... even family. 12 wks is a "safe" gestation. I'm sure your mum is going to be thrilled to be a grandma :D Make sure you stick to your guns, this baby was planned and there is nothing anyone can tell you that is different!
Good luck with your pregnancy!
Take Care
Banx i i told everybody when i found out except my parents. I found out on a Monday and waited and told them o a Tuesday i enjoyed just with DP b4 getting grilled by my fam, or so i thought i would b. Myself and my fam r wogs so sex b4 marriage is really NOT loved by them, but they dealed with it i believe that ppl usually react the way u show them 4 eg: if ur exstatic about it and a big smile and break it 2 them with a big smile on ur face then more often then not they'll relise ur happy and in the end thats all ur mummy wants 4 u.
Stuff anyone else's thoughts, i look alot younger then 20yrs and i dont recall any bad looks or comments throughout my pg or even now. Hold ur head high and enjoy it coz if u dont u'll regret giving a rats ass about wat anyone else thinks.
Celtic moon, no need to let people get you down! i was 19 when DD was born, best suprise i have ever had! Sometimes i joke that she was the best mistake too!
I remember once when i had to go to the specialist, the lady at the counter automatically asked for a health care card (assumed i was a single mum cos i was so young) I was sooo offended!!! (not that there is anything wrong with having a health care card, i know that sounds terrible, i had one my self when i left my ex) it was just that she assumed as i was so young.
Turn the clock back 25 years and having kids at our age was totally the norm!!
yeah yrs ago if u weren't married and at the very least pg by the time u were 16 then u were looked down apon, yrs ago. Now just coz society decided we should have a career etc doesn't mean we should.
Now i think about it the other day my dad said 2 me that the reason y im here with a bubs and my sister is travelling the world is coz he read 2 her when she was young, and he said thats where he went WRONGE with me, he didn't read enough 2 me.
And he was saying it in a really nice way which made me furious. Another thing that ****es me off is ppl auto think that coz ur young if it wasn't a mistake then we just did it 4 the baby bonus. Im not sure wat world there living in but it costs alot more then $4000.00 2 raise a chils and only a fool would have a child 4 the baby bonus, i dont know about u guys but im know fool and refuse 2 justify my reasons 2 have a child with anyone.
And cant understand y ppl cant say congrats 2 me like they would a 25 or so yr old would whos married instead of saying "So y did u keep IT?'' Thats wat my EX dentist asked me.
I bet that dentist has lost your family business for life!! Bubs teeth will be better looked after elsewhere!!
its must have effected me pretty bad if i still think about it, the worst thing is she didn't relise how rude and stupid that comment was i wonder if she'd ask a older maried woman that? I highly doubt it. Im already a very unsure of myself woman so that made it worse. But really being pg was the best time in my life i think it made me stronger.
Oh yeah i so got PG for the baby bonus, cos i only earnt 30-35 grand a year. IDIOTS! I'm sick of that comment. i mean as if. Youngins are a lot smarter that what we are given credit for.
Someone said that to a friend of mine - she's preg at 18 - and she just said to them 'Of COURSE I got pregnant for the bonus - I mean, how much more could a baby cost?!'
Some people are a waste of DNA!
It is hurtful that people assume this. I would tell friends of family or friends of friends I have a daughter, and they're incredulous! Its almost horrifying. I mean, they'll talk to me happily and then their tone changes and they want to talk to someone else or leave my side. It almost hurts. I'm trying to make new friends and one day find a new man, and I can't deny my daughter but I feel that they won't like me because of her. She is my world. But sometimes I feel that I'm destined to be alone.
My sister is a midwife and she suggested waiting 16 weeks before I told anyone because then you definately know you're safe. My brother was a bit cut that I left it that long to tell him... his wife said next time you call us and tell us straight away... my sister was like yup next time call them straight after you have sex.
Big Hugs Cate, There are plenty of people who love children. And if you find a man he is going to love YOU for you. It may take some time, but it will be worth the wait!
Take Care