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Thread: Assuming it's an accident

  1. #1

    Default Assuming it's an accident

    Those I've told have automatically assumed bubbers to hopefully be was a accident and have taken "pity" on me. I really feel the need to go along with it and tell people it was a bit of an opps or else the judgement that follows knowing we were just "going with the flow" (if it happened yay, if it didn't then weren't too upset) is really hurtful. I feel ashamed to feel I have to say bubs was an opps, but the lack of support that follows hurts even more than the pity support. I know if they can't accept it then I shouldn't be friends with them, but I'm running out of friends and support networks rather quickly.

    One of the downsides to younger-mumdom I guess. Anyone else have this dilema?



    CelticMoon

  2. #2

    Default

    It may have been an Opps....but dont let anyone make you feel ashamed or anything. DD was an Opps.....she was planned...but not planned for so soon. I know thats a different case to yours.... but i had soe many people ask me 'So was she planned'? That hurt me....whats it to them whether she was or wasnt planned.... same goes for you honey. This is your life....

    So please dont feel ashamed in saying 'No bubba wasnt planned but we will raise him/her the same way as if it was planned'.

    You are your own person.. and NO one should judge you for your actions. All the best for your pregnancy....

  3. #3

    Default

    Thanks hun,

    It wasn't exactly planned but wasn't prevented either we were hoping if it was meant to be it would happen as DP was told he could never have children. But I get a lot of statements assuming the contraceptive method we were using musnt have been all that good, was I on the pill etc. I got very miffed at one certain friend who wouldn't drop it when I wouldn't answer till i said "no we didn't use anything, we knew it could happen and we are over the moon it did!" down one supposed life long friend, wonder how many more to go..

    Sorry in a mopey emotional mood today seems to come and go lol

  4. #4

    Default

    It none of their business whether u used the pill, condom, implanon....or nothing at all!! Its your body and you and ur DP chose to take the risk andnow you have a bubba on the way. They should be happy for you... not ditching u as a friend!!!

    Like me with this bub..... im ready and prepared to be judged. I fell PG when DD was only 6 weeks old. DH and i knew it could happen and it did. We are more then excited about it..... but there have been comments of ' You havent let Chelsea have her own life', ' Let your child grow up first', 'You dont muck around do you'. I know some might be joking.... but its damn hurtful.....we had thought this through very well before we decided not to use contraception again......and here we are now... im nearly 6 weeks pg and loving it.

  5. #5

    Join Date
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    Sounds like my boss (although I am not a young Mum & it's our 3rd), but she asked why were we not using protection?
    Thankfully I was on the phone to her at the time coz I wanted to laugh, cry & p[unch her!
    My 1st was not planned, but is the light of my life (well all my kids are/ will be) But maddy & I have a very close super bond....

    I dont carew hat5 anyone else thinks of me, I am very happy & confident with my choices, decisions & hapyy with who I am as a person...

    You should hold your head high & say I am proud to be carrying my DP's baby, I lopve him, he loves me & we are having a baby! Planned, unplanned is not the concern... What you say now your friends (or so called at the mere fact they are asking those questions?) will throw your comments back in your faces later on, if you ever say OHHH I wish the baby would: sleep, burp, not ppp so muchj, smile, talk, laugh, etc etc... They'll say crap like...
    "Well I guess it was a mistake so what doi you expect etc, etc!"

    Dont give their opinions a second thought... Your obviously happy about being preg & so is DP, so enjoy that & each other... anyone else is an outsider in your relationship & life choices! Dont let them amke you feel bad, down or guilty..... Often its' their own jealousy!!

    Best of luck for a positive pregnancy experience & a gorgeous much loved healthy bubba in the future!!!

  6. #6

    Default

    Thanks for the advice and support the one thing that really miffed me was my friends boyfriend had the nerve to go upto DP and go "omg I'm so sorry are you ok?", I have never seen such a confused look on DP's face in all my life LOL. Theres only one friend and his mum who were over the moon for me and a doctor that came in to advise on a sore on my foot, sort of makes me feel sad that their enthusiastic congratulations really shocked me, I should be expecting ppl to be happy not upset for me lol

  7. #7

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    My baby was planned and we do get this question all the time. I kind of assumed it was because we didn't tell them we were trying and because I am known to be a bit of a career person. It wasn't until I read this post that I realised how rude this question really is. I think most of the time people ask questions without considering if it was rude or not. I am sure they still care a lot about you. If you seem upset or emotional about the question, they may be picking up these vibes and misunderstanding them. If you act as happy as you say you are, I am sure they will feel happy for you too.
    Good luck!

  8. #8

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    I would not worry about other people say, Just tell them its a blessing to be able to bring a baby into this world.
    I had Madison when i was 21, and my MIL looked down on me when we told her that we were having a baby, My family was very happy. I am so glad to be able to have children young.

  9. #9

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    Turn around and say:

    "Yep was an accident.... just like the mess on your face....oh that's make up? oohh, you bad!"

  10. #10

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    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA LMFAO SHAZD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehehehehehehe

    And when they say "oh but you are so young" you say... yes well that is true... but we are going to have them out of home before we are 50!!!

    Good on ya mate!! You obviously know what you want in life... more than you can say for other people around that age!

    Good luck with it sweetheart! you sound like you really have your head on your shoulders!... OMG.. im sorry... i soo sounded like an "oldie" then!! hehehe

  11. #11

    Default

    LMAO shaz not too far from the truth either my XP MIL used to go off her tree if I didn't slop on a pound of make up (so I get told off 24/7 lol).

    I try not to care, just sometimes gets me down a bit, esp the look in the eyes when they are its like I've just told them I have terminal cancer.

  12. #12

    Default

    I'm sorry people are being so thoughtless. It really does seem like an odd thing to say to someone! I hope your friends are more supportive soon and/or you meet some more people in the next few months that think a little more before they speak.

  13. #13
    SoonToBeMum Guest

    Default

    When I was PG, so many people asked me this. But what really hurt was when the doctor said 'well do you want to keep the baby or not'. He assumed it was an accident, I guess it is because I look so young.

  14. #14

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    I copped that several times over the years, especially with my my first. I was 17 and looked much younger.

    Yes he was an oppsie, BUT, if anyone asks if he was planned I say yes. I always planned to have children

  15. #15

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    I'm sorry you are getting this rude comment. I had people who I barely knew (work collegues) ask me that question, I thought it was quite rude (no-one else seem to think so). I responded by saying 'does it matter? It is loved and wanted' that shut them up. People can be thoughtless, try not to let it get you down, hope you have a great pregnancy.

  16. #16

    Default

    Thanks I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that felt it was a bit rude and hurtful I thought maybe I was being way too overly sensitive about it. But when you tell someone something you are so happy about and you get the "omg your poor thing" reaction instead of a "YAY CONGRATZ!!!" its a bit hurtful. I'm really starting to get angry about it now rather than hurt not sure if that's a good thing might be liable to punch someone out soon lol jks

  17. #17

    Default

    Saying anything other than 'Congratulations how have you been keeping?' is really rude. it's interesting that so many young mums get this comment. We have friends this has happened to but they are older (38 and 41) but hadn't been together long.

  18. #18

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    Hi there Celtic Moon,
    I know how u feel!!
    DP and I weren't expecting to get pg either time, but we weren't preventing it either!
    I have ahd my best friend say to me that she didnt feel comfotable hanging around me anymore cos I was starting a family!!!! I was really hurt.
    I realised that because none of my friends have been pregnant and have no idea about any of it, that they tend to steer clear... because its so unknown to them. JERKS!
    I had a simialar reaction from some people when I was preg first time. And then when I m/c'd.... it was worse! I just wanted to talk but noone wanted to listen because...'they didnt know what to say".
    pffft.
    sorry now im having a mini vent!
    I'd just say, to hell with anyone that gives u a 'stupid' response or look. They have no idea about your life and circumstances (most of them anyway)
    and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
    you must feel so blessed after being told about DP originally.
    Enjoy ur pregnancy!!!! And good luck with everyhting!!!!

    Congrats again
    Nicky

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