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mummycate: i dont know if anyone else feels like thins but at the moment i could 1000's of ppl that love and care 4 me around me and still feel alone. We're only young and at the age where we're trying 2 find ourseleves and what we stand so on and so forth but its made just that little bit harder now we have a bubs. Ur never alone anyway just look at this thread c how many ladies r in the same posi. :-)
I"m a bit of a late comer to this thread, but I'm 23 and got all the same comments as the rest of you. I had only been with my now husband for 11 months or so when we got pregnant, I thought I would have a hard time having kids, and he thought he was soon going to be too old for kids so we didn't bother trying to protect ourselves. So I guess in a way Kailee was planned, but when we found out we were preg it was a lovely surprise as we hadn't really expected it so easily. But then just a few weeks after announcing our pregnancy we announced we were getting married, oh boy did the tongues start wagging then! "Don't you think its too soon" "don't throw your life away, you already ruined it by getting preg" (that person no longer exists in my book) and such things. And then no sooner has bubby arrived, people ask when the next one is. Erm, hello... can I recover from this one first! What if I don't want more bubs!
All in all, people just truly do not think before they speak, curiousity gets the better of them and logic goes out the window. Not that the explanation makes it any less hurtful!!!
Have only just joined this forum, but I have to say some of you ladies have such inspirational stories. My fiance and I are seriously considering starting a family in the near future, I'm 20 in April, he'll be 22 in September, and one of the things that really holds me back is that in my mind "i'm too young" and I know exactly what my parents will say, as well as being afraid of what my friends and work are going to say... My parents have never been that supportive of us being together, living together, getting engaged...my mum has accepted it now, but I know that they will both think I am ruining my life and throwing it away, once again destroying the shreds of our relationship!
So it was comforting to read your stories, and am looking forward to having a little scoot around the forum, hopefully it will help me be a little more confident that we are making the right decision!
This statment has always got to me.:
I dont see how we can be throwing our lives away when we are happily watching and guiding our children to grow into the best they can be. I feel its the greatest accomplishment ever!
SS i think the biggest thing I learnt was to ignore all of their jabber and hurtful comments, sometimes people are just jealous and other times they just have this inbuilt fear of seeing other people happy. Just concentrate on your relationship and happiness and nothing will matter to you. Now my girl is nearly 1 I can say with complete happiness that she has brought more joy to my life than I could ever have imagined, she certainly didn't ruin any aspect. She probably improved it if anything!!!
Yes we did get the "Was it planned?' answer "You bet your a$$ it was!"
and
"Im sorry" answer "For what? Us doing what we wanted to do?"
I quickly lost all patience for people who started asking those questions and told them exactly what I thought. And for most people it was quite a shock because I have never stood up to people until I was pg.
I fell pregnant on the pill so mine was definately an "oops" but in my opinion a baby is a blessing no matter how it was conceived accident or planned. There are so many women out there ttc and failing in it which is so sad.. or women who fall pregnant and lose their angel babies. Don't let anyone make you feel like your a bad person cause you didnt plan on having a child. I dont see my daughter to be as an accident at all.. she was conceived.. thats it
i havent got children yet but what anoys me is you cant win..if youv got children you are ruining your life (which is sssoooo not true) id love to be mother but im going to need ivf or iv been told im going to need a hystorectomy at some point... medical probs. and if you dont have kids its always "when you going to have 1".
as i say no matter what your age...whether youv got children or not you are going to get ppl with thoughtless comments.
love rach xxx
p.s sorry to babble on xxx
Hey all I'm new to this I'm 23 and me and my husband have 3 wonderful kids and ttc now so I know how you feel except my mum expected it at any age from 15 so when I was 18 and told her she was relieved
Don't worry, I copped the exact same stuff from just about everyone... DH and I had only been together a month, and had just moved into our first apartment together (6 days) when DD was conceived (ON PURPOSE, I MIGHT ADD, yes call us crazy but we just knew it was going to work)... everyone was like, "Oh.. umm.. are you keeping it?' when we told them we were having a baby, my nana basically told me I was going to end up a single mum on welfare (because, I mean who would want to stay with me, right?), our friends were all sitting around taking bets on exactly how long we'd last...:
Then when we decided to get married and we told my mum, she was like, 'Are you sure you want to make that kind of commitment?' Like, because having a baby together is a total walk in the park, you know... I figure we're already having a baby together, you can't get much more committed than that and even if we did break up later on, it would be no more difficult to get a divorce than it would be to just walk away from each other - there are kids involved now, it's a whole different ball game. So, we got married and eventually everybody came round, they were really apprehensive at first and just waiting for us to hit the skids but here we are, married nearly two years and expecting another baby and as happy as we've ever been... proved everybody wrong as hell and every day it just gets rubbed in their faces when they see how great we are together!
Hun, don't you dare think for a minute that you'll ever be losing out by starting a family with the man you love. Having kids will change your life, and your life as a wife and mum will certainly be different to the life you've led up till now, but that doesn't mean you're 'throwing' anything away - you will be gaining a completely new and exciting life and I think you'd be hard-up to find anybody who would disagree! 'Too young' is completely irrelevant - I know 16-year-old mums who do a better job than some 30-year-olds I know, it's all about YOU and your state of mind and maturity.:
I think today's society is far too wrapped up in selfishness and wanting everything for yourself, and not thinking about the long-term. DH and I always wanted to have our families young because things like career, travel and social life can wait! Holidaying iin Fiji, getting promotions and buying a house are things that will still be there when the kids are older, you only have one life so live it the way you want and don't let anybody tell you what you 'should' be doing with it! I personally wanted to have kids before I started out on my 'career', so that I could be at home with them while they were babies and then go and get a job when they started school, rather than only taking six months off and worrying constantly that somebody else would get my job while I was gone. I'm a totally different person to the girl I was before I had DD, but I haven't missed out on anything and I wouldn't change what I have now for anything.
Like I said, DH and I had only been dating for a month when DD was conceived, and we didn't care what our families and friends said because nobody except us knew the way we felt about each other and so we were the only two people who could say whether we were jumping into things too fast, or doing the right thing. Everybody said, 'Oh but what if it doesn't last?' but they don't think about the people they know who are together for ten years, then finally are 'ready' to get married, and end up divorced before their second wedding anniversary! Why waste time? If we don't work out, we don't work out, life goes on and we will always have those good memories and our flesh-and-blood reminders of the love we had for each other. And if things work out and we grow old and die together in a retirement home, then in everyone's face!!
I think parents will always be upset when you start your own family because it makes them realise that you're not their little baby anymore, you're a grown woman and you're going to make your own decisions... if they have done their job as parents right, they have nothing to worry about because you know what is right for you.
OMG IM IN THE SAME POSITION! my mother assumes that this pregnancy was an "oops" baby and i havent denied or aggreed either. she has no idea we have seen specialists and been trying for years! as she has no support for my fiance and I. She does the whole your too young thing although we both are professionals own cars and about to buy a house. it really ANNOYS ME!!! my mum was 21 and living at home when she had me so whats the difference! apparently that little thing called MARRIAGE pfft hers didnt last! all i can say is they can all get &%$^# dont they realise the optimum time to get pregnant is 19-25 what do they know! anyway i wish u a happy pregnancy! mine is stressful!!!
I wouldnt say that I am young...but I am not old either IYKWIM but I was shocked at how many people thought it was their business to know if it was planned or an accident!
How rude! I am not talking family or close family here, I am talking random friends, work colleagues, strangers.
I think it is the height of rudeness to ask someone that question and I was so offended when they asked me. What is important is that you are having a baby, you are happy and they should be supportive of your happiness and be excited that a new baby is being brought into the world.
I hate the question - "Congratulations or Commiserations..." - When you are tentative about such news in the first place you expect support not blatant rudeness.
Im about to be put in the same situation. Im 19 and I work at club with lots of nosy old people-I'm talking 50 and above.
They think it is sooo their business to pry into our lives. We just had one girl who was pregnant have her baby and even she was told "gosh your young". She was 23 and married. Now we have another woman pregnant she is 30 and this is her 2nd. People congratulate her and she is also married.
I'm not married or even engaged, however I have been with DP for almost 5 years, but they dont know that nor do they need to.
I KNOW they are going to say things, either to my face or behind it. And its not like I can hide away. My job includes talking on a microphone infront of all of them, they are most likely to make me feel like a fool.
I already know what they are like having seen all of their behaviours. These much older ladies make it a daily chore to whinge and whine about EVERYTHING. Most are now finding out the other girl is pregnant, while Im only 15 weeks and hardly showing.
I am actually going to be afraid to go to work!!! Because I know whats install for me once my belly pops. :(
On top of that my close friends are not so close anymore. Ive got one friend who is absolutely over the moon which Im so grateful for, and not one of our family members have said anything negative.
People and their opinions suck!!! But Ill show them, Im going to try and be the best mother I can be for MY child :D
Sorry, I just realised how long this post was!!!
I have to say that most people I have told so far haven't reacted the way I thought they would! They've been supportive and even excited for us which is great. My parents were probably the worst, and to soften the blow I kind of hinted that it was a bit of an "accident" and that I was still taking the pill when I fell (which I wasn't, but I think their reaction would have been a whole lot worse had I said we were just 'seeing what happened' and I had just stopped taking it).
I think the hardest part for me is actually telling people...only my close colleagues and my supervisor at work know, I don't have many close friends anymore but they all know through facebook/community grapevine or various other ways.
Hope it gets easier for you RhiaMaree, try and ignore whatever comments they do decide to make, and tell the old biddies to go jump!!
oh you poor thing rhia! i used to work aged care and man you get some really ungrateful ones, but, you do come across some great oldies! look, whether your bub was planned or not whether you are married or not is none of their business! i still get ppl judging me and im almost 22 and engaged, and everyone knows our bub has been planned, dont forget they come from an era where women our age were encouraged to give up their babies and ridiculed for not being wed so they are still stuck in that mindset. well some of them. they are prob jealous anyway! just think of it like that!
I can certainly empathise with this thread.
It annoys me when people think of my children as "mistakes". One so called friend found himself on the receiving end of an abrupt exit when he called DS2 "Baby Booboo". DH and I were not trying, but were not doing anything to prevent a baby either, knowing full well she was an obvious result of our actions.
The one that ****ed me off the most was the Doctor when I went to confirm my 4th pregnancy.
"What, Again???"
What I have found, the best way to approach telling people so they KNOW exactly what to say when you have broken the news is you phrase it something like this. "I have some wonderful news. DH and I are expecting a(nother) baby".
They have absolutely NO doubt about how you feel about it then. If they still come out with the petty "Oh, I'm sorry" - the simplest and easiest reply is "Why? I'm not"
Everyone assumed my DD was an accident...DF and I have always stood by the fact she WAS planned- just a premature plan...:D
DP and I ran into an ex of his one day and he told her I was pregnant. You know what she said? "Oh my God! Is it yours?"
Linnea, HOW rude! gees...
I guess that's why she's an ex! :rofl:
i am getting this more and more at the moment! I am not particually young (24) but my and DP havent been together that long. Which i guess makes people wrongly assume that bubs was an accident. We told some "close friends" of ours not long ago - and you know what she said?? "so are we all supposed to be happy about this" !!?!?!?!?!? Are you kidding me?? We are having a baby! Of course you are supposed to be happy, and how dare you ask that! Now I am hearing people say that they think i "trapped" DP by getting pregnant! If only they knew! I just want to SCREAM!
OUR BABY WAS PLANNED - SO MUCH SO THAT WE HAD FERTILITY TREATMENT TO GET PREGNANT - AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?? IT WAS DP'S IDEA! SO THERE!!
Sorry... I just had to get that out!!! i even had the guy at the take away show that i go to - say " i was so sorry for you when i found out.. was it too late?" GRRRRRRR
People make me sooooo angry!!
I get it alot being that a) Im only 23 and b) I have 3 under 2.5yo so they MUST have been unplanned because who in their right mind would WANT three under 3 :rofl: I often remind people that really, Im married......I hardly think the idea of us wanting a family is THAT out there is it ;)
And Im certainly not in my right mind but thats a whole other issue hehe
Ignore them. I think some people just HAVE to rain on someone's parade.........