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Thread: Planned pregnancy at 19

  1. #19

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    This site is great. Im so happy there are other girls who are around my age and wanting children. I always felt so out of place because no one else my age who i know wants children.


  2. #20

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    I just wanted to say from an older persons point of view - there is nothing wrong with being young and having a baby! Provided you are prepared emotionally to look after that little person, what is the big deal?
    There are so many people who have done it, and gone on to do wonderful things with their lives, so please dont stress. Travelling, careers etc all come to people who want and deserve them, and a baby isn't going to hold you back if its what you want.
    I guess why people "judge" younger couples is because in this world there is so much pressure to be financially secure and own a home! And it is tougher to do that on one income - but certainly not impossible. And parents always think they know best. Hell - I'm nearly 29 and my Mum is still worried about me being a mum! In a parents eyes - are we ever ready?

    If you have thought these things through, adn you know you have the love and support within and around you to be a great parent, there is nothing holding you back. Best wishes to you TTC!!

    Fi

  3. #21

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    Hi. I got married at 20, and said we would wait till 24/5 before having a baby. I fell pregnant on our honeymoon! We now have a beatiful 13 week old girl. We wouldn't change things if we could. We are soo happy that she came along and are absolutely loving every minute of it! I'm 21 now and we are trying for no2. My parents are supportive of that, my husbands parents are no longer a part of our lives. They still aren't supportive of no 1, so theres no way we'll tell them we are trying again.
    I always though you should wait till you are financially stable, but i don't think we would ever have kids if we did that. By time we own our own home i'd be too old for kids. I think if both partners want kids and you have good support from family/friends, then go for it. Raising a child is the best job you can ever have!
    Good Luck to all of you who are trying or already have kids!

  4. #22

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    Paris was planned at 20 so IKEWYM! Luckily for us my family or should I say DH's family were extremely supportive. But I don't socialise with HEAPS of friends I had back then, purely because they didn't understand and had a complete different lifestyle to me.

    I contacted a gf I used to socialise with at school, and she told me flat out I was crazy. That I should have put my career first, and did I want to be one of those women who sat at home watching daytime television. Oh let me tell you I was thrilled to hear that. No we don't have a house, but we are definitely financially able to care for a child/children. Do I have a career? Yes. Motherhood. And I love it. And I'd personally like to know any mother who's child lets them watch daytime tv LOL! For me there are lots of reasons why I would like to have my children young. I like the fact that by the time I am in my early 40's I will pretty much be free to do other things whilst my kids are off exploring the world too. I want to be able to enjoy life with my children not before them. And should my kids want to have kids, I want to be able to run around with my grandkids not hobble around LOL! I look at my granny who's 69 she's a great granny, and could still run around after her great grand daughter, when most of her friends are only just getting grandchildren LOL!

    Its a very personal choice, and I think if you think its right for you GO for it And goodluck with TTC.

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  5. #23

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    Default I couldn't agree more!!

    This is my first post at Belly Belly so a bit of an experiment - hope I get it right!

    I was so excited when I saw the forum for younger couples - usually they have a forum for TTC over 35 - I think we are the minority!

    I am 21 and my husband is 24. We are planning to start TTC in the next month or two, I haven't told anyone I know because I know everyone will try and convince us that we are doing the wrong thing. My family and my work colleagues will all think I am throwing away my life and career - I have recently graduated from uni and because I always did well at school and uni people think I should be hugely ambitious and chasing an amazing career but all I have ever wanted is just to be a mum. DH and I have been married for over a year and it has been hard enough to wait this long. We are both ready to have children and start our family but it was hard enough to convince my family that I was old enough to get married - let alone have a baby.

    The thing is, I'm terrified of actually telling everyone that I'm pregnant (when I eventually am) because I know my mum will be disappointed - even though she would never say anything.

    I think it is important that there are people out there who are still putting family before work and travel etc etc. Family is the most important thing there is and I tend to think it is pushed too much into the background these days. I am excited about being a mother - I am just disappointed that I can't share that excitement with the people in my life who are so important to me.

    People say you have to be financially secure before you have a baby - I agree that you need to be able to provide for the baby - but you don't need to be rich - you just need the necessities. If you wait until you can afford to buy all the little luxuries in life for your children then you will wait forever.

    And there is nothing better for baby than a young mother - healthier pregnancy and birth - more energy to run around after kids etc. etc.

    Very long post for my first message! Just so excited to find people who are in the same position as myself!

  6. #24

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    Hi hannahfroodoo!

    Firstly, welcome to bellybelly.

    Secondly, I know what you mean about being affraid to tell people that you are pregnant when it happens. When I first thought I was pregnant with my now 3mo daughter, I was terrified to tell my mum. I was only 17 at the time. She actually took it the complete opposite of what I thought she would. She was extreamly supportive and still is to this day. The thing I found hardest to cpoe with was telling my friends. Only now do 2 of them talk to me. The rest just abandond me. It was like we had nothing in common anymore. They were focused on doing their HSC (as you would be) and going out getting drunk every weekend. And me, well I had a family to look after. Lily is my life and I believe I made the right decission. Even though it wasn;t a planned pregnancy, it certainly wasn't unwanted. DP and I are even thinking of having another baby in a year or two.

    If you and DH are ready to start a family, then go ahead! As you said yourself, it is better to have them young, less problems, more energy etc. Don't let anyone stand in your way. You may get dirty looks, bad comments. But hey, that's their problem, not yours. Goodluck, and I hope that whatever happens, you will have the support you need. The girls on here are all very supoortive and sympathetic, some even empathetic. So if you ever need to get things out or just need to talk, someone here will always be willing to listen.

  7. #25

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    Welcome hannahfroodoo!!!

    I was 22 when I had my first and guess what - it wasn't until having my babies that I discovered what I really wanted to do with my life and what I was truly passionate about! It opens you to so many new and exciting things - it's not an end - it's a beginning. At first I created this site, then a toy business to help support it financially and now I am starting my Birth Attendant course tomorrow! It's what I want to do and I have never been so excited in my life. I'm doing this all from home, with my gorgeous kids here with me.

    It's so important to live life how you want to and to achieve what you want to acheive - unfortunately people are always going to try and have your life planned out for you. I didn't get some choice feedback when I was pregnant but I think they were just a little shocked - it was a surprise pregnancy! But now, they are the most soppy relatives you could ever wish for!

    Do you think if you told them now you were trying, it might get them a bit more used to the idea and maybe when you find out you are pregnant, they will be happier for you? Or do you think they will try and make things harder for you? It's so hard. But they will come around at some stage.

    All the very best and I hope to see you around!
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  8. #26

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    Default Thankyou!

    I know my parent's and family's reaction will be very positive but I will always think they are privately shaking their heads and condemning my decisions! You probably experienced something similar when you were pregnant with your daughter. I suppose I am a bit paranoid!

    I am glad I have stumbled across this site anyway! I am sure I will be spending a lot of time here over the coming months!

    Hannah

  9. #27

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    Awwww.... try not to stress too much - you don't get paid for it and it can hamper conception LOL. Whatever skills you have from uni all contribute to the bigger picture. I didn't go to uni but all my working experience all helps me run my business better. I'm sure what you've learnt will help you too. Even if not, you will love being a mum and when you are... nothing else will matter.

    It's not worth worrying about what they 'might' be saying or doing behind your back - think of how wonderful it will be when you are a mum. After all, they might not be saying it. I tend to be paranoid at the best of times and end up imagining all sorts of crazy things that aren't happening!!!

    For the family that do give you grief - will just have to learn that you are a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. You're an intelligent and beautiful woman, then surely you must be making the right choice anyway
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  10. #28
    katanya Guest

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    Another older mother sticking my nose in here...

    I just want to say that it is such an individual thing when a person or couple is ready to have children. When I was 21 I thought a baby would only stop me doing what I wanted to do. I wanted to travel and be selfish and really grow up because I was a very immature person.
    A family friend is the same age as me (I am now 31) and has 4 children the first conceived at 16 and when I was around 24 I asked her didn't she wish she'd travelled overseas? She said she had never been interested, and children were her enjoyment and adventure. At the time I thought she was mad, but I saw that she was completely happy in her life.

    Now at 31 I realise what she was talking about, having a child has completed me like nothing else in my life. I think for someone like myself with an itch to travel, I needed to go do that. But since I have had Felix I thought to myself that if I'd known earlier how incrediable it was I'd have gotten pregnant sooner. Also the impact on a 30 year old body is SO much more than when you are 19!

    Here's something else for you, the lactation consultant at the hospital I was talking to was saying that teenage pregnanies are now almost non exisitant, and the average age for a woman giving birth is now 30.6 years. She said this is actually a negative, because after 27 women's fertility decreases. Our bodies aren't really designed to be giving birth at the age most women conceive.

    I say if you feel ready, then you most likely are, and there are many, many things to learn when you do have that baby, that no matter what age you are, it all comes on a steep learning curve..

    Best of luck to all those TTC!

  11. #29

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    Hi
    I guess I too am old now LOL, at 30, but I had my first unplanned at 19. My paretns were very supportive, extended the house so that bubs and I had somewhere to live and Mum looked after her while I finished Uni, then bf now DH and I worked hard and managed to buy a house and both have jobs, and then decided we were in a "comfortable " position to have another child.

    Now I have 4 and I love them more than anything. By the time we are in our 40's our kids will be going out and stuff too and we will get to travel etc. I look forward to it but I am not worried as I have heaps of time now to be with them. It is easier to look back on things than to look forward, and you may regret not having a baby but you won't regret having one.

    My friends too were shaking their heads, and thinking I was such a fool, but they don't know what they are missing, and are only now deciding to have kids. I have fitted in the 4 kids I wanted by the time I was 30 and they prob will only get time for a couple if that. that's fine if that's what they wanted, but lots of people seem to be running out of time to have kids and it's a real shame.

    Each to their own though. There are people who rerally don't want kids and they are better not to have them, if they feel that way.

    Cheers Michelle

  12. #30

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    I can't agree more with what everyone has said in this forum!!

    I have a critical error reading below my post *frown* so I am going to be rude and say to the person whom I can't remember that I too am terrified of telling people that I am pregnant. my mum will be thrilled as I have been talking to her about it for a long time and she has accepted it fully now. The others however...

    I just think it would be terrible to announce your pregnancy and have your parents or IL's react in a negative way. That reaction will stay with you forever. Then I think maybe you should tell them when you TTC but then they will spend months trying to convince otherwise and it is added pressure should TTC end up being longer then you had hoped.

    It is very messy really... I am beginning to stand on my own 2 feet slowly and I am realising that I am going to make mistakes whether I listen to everyone or make my own decisions. I think it is just a learning curve really.

    The worst thing is I really want to have children NOW!!! I have to wait due to my new job till next year which sadly enough brings some form of relief in the fact that I don't have to hide TTC yet or announce a pregnancy that will be unwelcome (at first) with a lot of people. Don't get me wrong all involved will love their grandchild - it is just the initial 'Your only 21 (at least I will be then) you've got your whole life ahead you' crap that I will relieved not to hear yet!!!

  13. #31

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    I know I worry too much about what my family think - it is something that drives DH crazy! Starting a family early is a decision that we have made together and we are happy with it - it is just hard sometimes to stand up for myself against what my family say - I have always had a close relationship with my family and felt able to talk about anything - until now. But I suppose that is part of growing up and living your own life - you have to learn to make your own decisions.

    I will eventually work it out with my family etc but in the mean time it is nice to know that I am not alone out there!

    Hannah

  14. #32
    layla Guest

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    Hi, just wanted to let you know that my son was a planned pregnancy when I was 18 and DH was 19. We had just got married and it felt so right to have a baby.
    We got mixed reactions but ultimately it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It is frustrating when people assume he was a "mistake" though.
    I had my second baby at 22 and seven years later we are doing it again!!!
    I have never looked back and wouldn't change a thing!
    Follow your heart and everything will be fine.

  15. #33

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    layla_it's great to have support from people like yourself who had a family at an early age.

    I am 25 and have been so confused as to my feelings of wanting to TTC and my family's pressure that I am to young.

    To read posts like yours just reinforces that DH and I know what the right time is. mindless of age and that it will be OK
    THanks

  16. #34
    layla Guest

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    No problems, I think it's great to be a young mum if that's what you are ready for. Only you and your partner know when the time is right.
    Good luck!

  17. #35
    MissBrenda Guest

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    Hello Kimm...Im 19 and DH is 21....We had an unexpected pregnancy which only lasted 10 weeks...But 10 wonderful weeks and we LOVE our angel baby...but since having gone threw being pregnant and the M/C we are now TTC...You and I are in a VERY similar situation..if your would like to chat please email me at [email protected] . I have instant messanger we should chat sometime!

    Brenda

  18. #36

    Default GO 4 IT!!

    Hey, i fell pregnant at 18 and 4 months (completely not planned) but planned my second pregnancy, and fell pregnant just after i turned 20. I'm now 21, 2 kids, and on the way to divorce!!! Anyways, some people are just meant to be mums, and if it feels right for you and your DP, dont worry about anyone else. My dad was 19 and my mum 22 when i was conceived, now, 22 years and 6 kids later, they are still so much in love, and have achieved so much. If it feel right, its abviously meant to be!!!

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