About to start my first IVF, help!

[Bianeczka]

Hi all,

Well im slowly progressing through the list of forums on belly belly. First it was just the general conception discussion (all naive and with anticipation and expectation), then, slowly, onto the long-term TTC (less naive, anticipation and expectation dissipating), then IUI discussion (wave hand in air, over it), and now, well here i am....on the IVF discussion, exactly the place i never ever thought throughout my whole life i would be. Your whole life you just grow up 'expecting' quite flippantly that you will have kids, one day. No doubts in mind at all, no physical problems to worry about.....its just a given- 'hey, i love kids, im gonna have kids when i grow up.....'.

Now Im grown up (33y.o.) and i started TTC just after i was married (3 years ago) and did a mammoth cycling journey arond Europe (our last lil hurrah before we 'settle' in)- well how naive was i completely! Here i am leading a natural, non-pill, non-drug herbal existence, and now, BANG! gotta now just 'say yes' and do as the doc says- started taking pill, gotta do that nasal spray thingie, injections, triggers, side effects.....argghh!how completely demoralising and a real slap in the face......after all the work i have put into my body and mind, this is what it comes down to....just 'saying yes' to a doctor who doesnt really care about my previous healthy history....

Ok now that ive got all those real 'deep down' negative thoughts out of the way.....(maybe i should speak with a shrink?), i will progress to the here and now and attempt to keep my positive face on: I have just started the pill (havent been on that in years), and after the end of my 3 year deadline of TTC, and after spending about 10k (yes you read right!) on naturopaths, gyno's, a lap, herbs, vitamins, and a famous herbalist....im completely over it- bring on the docs and needles and drugs and gazing eyes into my nether regions!!! Its time to do what i never thought would happen to (natural-is-right) lil ol me- IVF.....no hang on, can i just be a lil more negative and upset for a bit?

Everyone around me has completely bypassed me- im talking ppl who were not in serious relationships (have kids), ppl who didnt even know their current partner at my wedding (have kids), ppl who have never wanted kids (have kids), ppl who really dont like kids (have kids), ppl who have serious reproductive probs (have kids).... Maybe being healthy, living in a beautiful natural environment with a loving husband isnt good enough anymore.....dam right im upset!! But a positive is....many, many lessons have been learned about life.....about expectations, that random events can happen to random ppl, that trying to conceive (just like life) is not always fair.....But hey, ive been dealing with these thoughts for 3 years, and with the help of my husband and friends, im through this and ready to start IVF....phew! needed to get that out.....

SO, any tips from any hardened IVFers? What can i expect with the pill/nasal spray/drugs/O pick up, ET? What should i be doing during this time, anything to be aware of? My natural ovulation cycle and hubby's sperm were always perfect- no probs there, im very in tune with my body. However i was diagnosed with endo 3 years ago, unbeknownst to me, have no symptoms. It seems that may be the real issue cos theres no other real issues....But now my body is under someone elses control and i dont know what to expect, cant read the signs now.....any general tips would be great...apologies for the rant (maybe i just need a girls only night in?)

Many thanks......